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Sarsfields Newsletter

November 8, 2018

THE SASH Saturday April 24th 2010

 

The Weekly Online Newsletter of Sarsfields GAA Club.     

 

SFC Round 1 Sarsfields 1-10 Naas 1-9.

 

 By Tony Ryan

 

 Leading Naas by three points, 1-10 to 1-7, with eight minutes remaining in this fast paced, competitive, highly entertaining and sometimes fractious senior championship tie in Raheens on Saturday evening Sarsfields looked to be on course for victory having weathered the stubborn Naas resistance especially since Naas were reduced to 14 men after Naas full forward Kevin Curtis received his marching orders when he got a second yellow card in the 18th minute of the second half. Sarsfields however had to withstand a ferocious Naas onslaught during the six added minutes of injury time to survive by the slenderest of margins. Two points from Naas’ top marksman Conor Mellett in the final two minutes of the normal time gave 14 man Naas the incentive and the belief that they could at least get a draw from this game. They almost did so except that Conor Mellett’s last minute 45 metre free from the left sideline went narrowly wide of the right post much to Sarsfields’ relief. In those final frenetic six minutes of added time Sarsfields defence was battered but unbowed as they tenaciously hung on to their one point lead. 

Naas signalled their intent early in the first half and after 12 minutes had raced into a four point lead 1-3 to 0-2. Centre half forward Eamon O’Callaghan opened Naas’ account with a fine point in the 3rd minute following an incisive run at the Sarsfields defence. After a couple of Sarsfields’ misses Alan Smith scored two points in 2 minutes, one from a free after he was fouled before two points from frees by Conor Mellett edged Naas 0-3 to 0-2 ahead from 20 metre on the right wing and in the space of a minute added another from an almost identical position on the left wing. Then in the 12th minute came the decisive move that led to the Naas goal. It was a good piece of play that originated with Eamon O’Callaghan at midfield who fed the speedy Naas corner forward Ian Kinlon. After an interchange of passing between the two Naas men, O’ Callaghan once more bore down on goal and just as he was tackled by Sarsfields centre back Niall Hedderman he kick passed the ball across the goalmouth to Kevin Curtis who made no mistake from close range. In a tactical move following the goal Sarsfields manager Sean O’Sullivan  sent Robert Murphy to man the centre of defence with Niall Hedderman switching to the wing.  Sarsfields responded to the concession of the goal with two Morgan O’Sullivan points to reduce the deficit to two before Sarsfields were awarded a penalty after Paul Sullivan fouled Alan Smith. The resultant kick by Smith himself was well saved by Henry Drewitt. Three minutes later he made amends for his penalty lapse with a fine point to leave two between the sides 1-4 to 0-5. Then just before the break Sarsfields were awarded a second penalty when Sean Cambell was hauled down. This time Conor Tiernan dispatched the ball to the net to give Sarsfields the lead for the first time since the 11th minute. Another point from Alan Smith wrapped up the proceedings for the first half to leave Sarsfields ahead at the break 1-6 to 1-4.

            Two minutes after the restart Naas centre back Shane Bergin, the son of former Sarsfields great Des Bergin kicked a beautifully struck 45’ that split the posts to reduce the gap to the minimum. Then three minutes later Alan Smith again responded with a point before Joe Cocoman scored after Ian Kinlon’s shot rebounded off the upright. With ten minutes gone Conor Mellett brought Naas to parity with a well taken point. With Sarsfields midfielders Alan Barry and Gary White shading it over their Naas counterparts and with half forward Enda Freaney whose physical presence the Naas defence found difficult to deal with, operating as the linkman between the midfield and the forwards, Sarsfields scored three unanswered points between the 46th and the 52nd minute. An excellent Enda Freaney point about thirty metres followed a similar Robbie Confrey score after some great work by Sean Cambell to get a pass to Confrey before the impressive Alan Smith scored his sixth point and what turned out to be Sarsfields last but vital winning score leaving their supporters to endure a tense final fourteen scoreless minutes as Naas went on an unrelenting offensive during which Conor Mellett’s two points reduced the deficit to a single point. But it wasn’t to be enough as Sarsfields rearguard held firm during those six added injury time minutes.

 

Naas: Henry Drewitt, Keith McDonnell, Broc Cocoman, Martin Byrne, Shane Bergin, (0-1) Eoin Doyle,Kieran McDonagh, Niall Higgins, Joe Cocoman,(0-1) Eamon Callaghan (0-1) Niall Farragher, Ian Kinlon, Kevin Curtis (1-0) Conor Mellett (0-6) Subs: Ross Kelly for Kieran McDonagh (48 mins) Ronan Joyce for Niall Farragher (52mins) Mick McGrath for Ian Kinlon (59 mins)

 

Sarsfields: Patrick O’Sullivan, John Kavanagh Ciaran Carey, Niall O’Callaghan, Robert Murphy, Niall Hedderman, Conor Tiernan(1-0), Alan Barry, Enda Freaney (0-1) Eoin O’Sullivan, Sean Cambell, Alan Smith (0-6), Morgan O’Sullivan (0-2)Robbie Confrey (0-1) Subs: Aidan Mclernan for Niall O’Callaghan John Geraghty for  Enda Freaney (51mins) David Earley  for Morgan O’Sullivan, Padraig Brennan for Eoin O’Sullivan (56mins) Referee: Declan Jacob Ballyteague. 

 

Intermediate Hurling League and Timmy Durney Cup: Sarsfields 2-10 Moorefields 0-11

 

By Colm Harrington
Sarsfields beat near neighbours Moorefield in the intermediate hurling league on thurday evening last in Moorefield which doubled up as the annual Timmey Durney/Mick O'keefe Cup that is played between Sarsfields and Moorefield in both football and hurling in memory of lifelong friends Timmy Durney Moorefield and Mick O'Keefe Sarsfields.
Moorefield got off to a bright start and scored the first two points of the game as Sarsfields were slow to settle.
With Martin Murray causing problems up front the sash worked their way back into proceedings with points from Murray and Kevin Healy.
Moorefields midfield parternership of Sexton amd Sutherland found their early grip begin to wane as a point from distance from the hard working Gary Hogan saw Sarsfields lead at the midway point of the half. A couple of long distance frees from Sash Center half back Frank Maguire kept the score board ticking over for his team. A point from a sideline cut by Sutherland that would not have looked out of place in Thurles or Croke Park rallied the home team and it was practically score for score until half time.

Half time saw Sarsfields team lead by 7 points to 6.

The second half started brightly as the Moorefield keeper produced a brave block to prevent what looked a certain goal at the expense of a point. As the second half wore on Moorefields lack of cutting edge up front became more noticable and when Kevin Healy blasted a '21' to the net it sent Sarsfields on their way to the second brace of league points. A late goal from Sash Captain Denis O'Callaghan capped a fine display for his team.

 

Sarsfields started their Feile final day with a shaky start against Eadestown winning the quarter finals by 8 points in the end which put them into a semi-final straight away with Leixlip.

 

Girls Feile

By Darren Kendrick

 

Semi-final: Sarsfields 3-2  Leixlip 0-3

 

Leixlip started the final in dynamic form catching Sarsfields off guard they headed straight for goal however the in form full back Emma Lyons was having none of it and pumped the ball up to the midfield. However, Leixlip weren't ready to lie down they came at Sarsfields time and time again, Rebecca Houlihan and Fiona Nevin were having none of this blocking and thwarting attacks in the middle of the park. Determinedly, Sarsfields gained the upper hand on the pitch Rebecca and Fiona linked up well and set Jessica Turner up for the first point. The resulting kick out was won by an in form Shauna Kendrick again aided by Fiona Nevin, Sarah Breslin raced into the action and a well executed pass set Jessica Turner up for her first goal of the afternoon. Again, Leixlip tore down the pitch attacking the Sarsfields goal but Emma Lyons maintained her composure blasting balls up field, Karla O' Reilly tore after one of these balls and slotted Jessica Turner in for another goal. Leixlip knew time was running out and managed to get near the Sarsfields goal but keeper Brooke Dunne parried the attempt and set the ball in motion into the midfield. A determined Leixlip piled pressure on Gemma Harnett blocked down a certain goal, Leixlip got the rebound blasted it goalwards but Brooke deflected the ball outwards, again, Leixlip were first to the ball and put it over for a point, their only score before the whistle blew for half-time.

 

The second half saw Leixlip pointing first. Brooke set Shauna Kendrick into action but despite a great solo run, the Sash forwards couldn't accumulate a score from the resulting ball. The ball flew down the field from the Leixlip kick out leaving the Sarsfields keeper pulling off a great save, Rebecca Houlihan was played in for the quick turn over, Emily Aulsberry in space took the ball on from the midfield, in turn playing Karla o'Reilly who was taken down for a free that just skinned the upright. Another quick Leixlip attack couldn't beat the magnificent Emma Lyons, Emma passed into Fiona Nevin who ran well playing the ball straight to Emily Aulsberry who rocketed the ball first off the upright then onto the crossbar. Sarah Breslin fielded the ball in midfield passing to Jessica Turner who was unlucky not to add to her score. Another zipping ball through the midfield was countered by Emma Lyons and played into Sarah Breslin, Molly Price was unfortunate not to score with the resulting pass. Leixlip countered swiftly, a vital interception by Gemma Harnett slowed them down, leading to a point blank save on the line by Brooke Dunne. These events seemed to spur the Sarsfields forwards into action, the intense game was over and the rest of the half was played in the Leixlip half with Shauna Kendrick and Tracey Turner linking up well. Emily Aulsberry's '45 resulted in a goal for Fiona Nevin. Leixlip took the game back to the Sash and pointed with the last kick of the game.  

 

 

The Final: St. Lawrence's 1-4  Sarsfields 1-0

 

This final started uncharacteristically with the referee screaming at Sarsfields to get onto the pitch before the game was started without them. The Sarsfields girls had basically played two straight matches and were taking on water and having a toilet break. From the off, the final was a battle for possession. Emma Lyons rose to the challenge a quick turn over set Shauna Kendrick racing through the midfield, Orla Judge pulled wide to receive the ball and played a clever one two with Rebecca Houlihan, then Laura Scales came close to converting. The Larries countered and Lauren Milane blocked their advance this time, setting up Fiona Nevin whose pass was plucked from the air by the taller opponents. Emily Aulsberry charged into the midfield and set up the attack that resulted in Jessica Turner's goal and only score for Sarsfields. The Larries didn't realise what had hit them, certain favourites they had a battle on their hands courtesy of 15 determined Sarsfields girls. For the next few minutes, Sarsfields had the upper had but squandered chance after chance. The Larries stiff determination then saw an onslaught in the Sarsfields half, with Orla Begley, Gemma Harnett, Emma Lyons and Brooke Dunne dominating their area Lawrence's had to kick points, one of which was duly scored. A couple of decisions went against the Sash which resulted in a goal for the Larries before half-time. 

 

With only a kick of the ball separating one team going to Derry in July: teams, mentors and spectators knew it was going to be a riveting second half. The half ensued possession was 50-50, with the ball seemingly dancing over the half-way line, before Larries took a point from distance. Fiona Nevin and Rebecca Houlihan worked hard and fast in midfield, Gemma Harnett, Emma Lyons, Brooke Dunne and Lauren Milane held the back line, whilst Shauna Kendrick and Orla Begley continuously drove forwards, battling their way through bigger opponents. Laura Scales dropped back to help out yet all the resulting balls didn't see the forwards hitting the mark. Larries broke through for a certain goal but keeper, Brooke Dunne closed down the full forward and her effort was blasted wide. Again, Emma Lyons, Fiona Nevin, Shauna Kendrick played ball after ball forwards but such chances failed to be converted. The Larries then scored two quick points before the final whistle.   

 

Feile Final

 The U 14 Boys play Athy in the Feile final at 4pm in St. Conleths Park tomorrow Sunday April 25th at 4pm

 

 

Sasrsfields On Facebook 

Sarsfields now has a Facebook Page where all sections can now post information directly relating to games, results events and photos etc. In addition there is a discussion forum. Link to Sarsfields  Facebook page can be found by scrolling down the home page of the Sarsfields website.

 

Kildare’s Leinster Senior, and Minor Fixtures for 2010

 

 

 Leinster Senior football Championship.

 

 



FIRST ROUND

 

Louth v Longford

23.05.2010

 

 

Wicklow v Carlow

16.05.2010

 

 

Meath v Offaly

23.05.2010

 

 

QUARTER-FINALS

 

 

 

Louth/Longford v Kildare

05.06.2010

Navan/Tullamore

 

Wicklow/Carlow v Westmeath

06.06.2010

 

 

Meath/Offaly v Laois

13.06.2010

Croke Park

 

Wexford v Dublin

13.06.2010

Croke Park

 

SEMI-FINALS

 

 

 

Louth/Longford/Kildare v Wicklow/Carlow/Westmeath

26.06.2010

 Note Saturday 26th. venue

To be announced 

 

Meath/Offaly/Laois v Wexford/Dublin

27.06.2010

 

 

CRAOBH

11.07.2010

Croke Park

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Leinster Minor Football Championship

Minor Football

Date

Venue

1. Wicklow v Wexford

17.04.2010

Aughrim

2. Carlow v Westmeath

17.04.2010

Carlow

3. Louth v Laois

17.04.2010

Drogheda

4. Kildare v Dublin

17.04.2010

Newbridge

5. Offaly v Longford

17.04.2010

Tullamore

6. Meath v Kilkenny

17.04.2010

Navan

LOSERS SECTION

 

 

7. Loser 5 v Loser 1

24.04.2010

Home Venue Loser 5

8. 7 v Loser 2 = A

08.05.2010

Home Venue 7

9. Loser 4 v Loser 3

24.04.2010

Home Venue Loser 4

10. 9 v Loser 6 = B

08.05.2010

Home Venue 9

QUARTER-FINALS

 

 

11. 6 v 5

22.05.2010

Home Venue 6

12. 3 v 1

22.05.2010

Home Venue 3

13. A v 2

22.05.2010

Home Venue A

14. 4 v B

22.05.2010

Home Venue 4

SEMI-FINALS

 

 

15. 11 v 12

26.06.2010 (30.06.2010)

Home Venue 11

16. 13 v 14

26.06.2010 (30.06.2010)

Home Venue 13

CRAOBH: 15 v 16

11.07.2010

Croke Park

 

 


 
 
 
 
Underage Camogie & Hurling Training.
 
  Outdoor Underage Hurling & Camogie training has resumed in Sarsfields and is on every Thursday from 6pm to 7pm for  U8, U10, U12 & U14. Boys & Girls. Saturday 10.30 to 11.30am - Kinder garden Camogie & Hurling Training up to the age 7yrs.

For more information contact Denise McGann on - 087-2873096

 

 

 

Support The Sash with Vodafone

Sign up to the Vodafone Support Your GAA Club programme to donate 5% of
your Pay Monthly bill or Top Up to Sarsfields – without it costing you a
single cent! Contact Shane Campbell or visit the Vodafone web site.

More Stupid Quotes. 

 

'Men, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One
word and one word only: Super Bowl.'
- Bill Peterson, football coach  

 

'Sometimes I wish that I was the weather, you'd bring me up
in conversation forever. And when it rained, I'd be the talk
of the day.'
- Singer John Mayer  

 

'On this Memorial Day, as our nation honors its unbroken line of fallen heroes -- and I see many of them in the
audience here today -- our sense of patriotism is
particularly strong.'
- US President Barrack Obama

 

'That's not a place where I'm considered good-looking.'
- Mark Hoppus,  founding member of the pop punk band    
  blink-182, on why he's never been to Kenya.

 

'Politics gives guys so much power that they tend to behave
badly around women. And I hope I never get into that.'
- Bill Clinton, former U.S. President

 

'The streets are safe in Philadelphia, itís only the people
who make them unsafe.'
- Frank Rizzo, ex-police chief and mayor of Philadelphia

 

'I've always thought that under-populated countries
in Africa are vastly under-polluted.'
- Lawrence Summers, chief economist of the World Bank,
  explaining why we should export toxic wastes to Third
  World countries.

 

 

And now one of the all time classics.

'I personally believe, that US Americans are unable to do
so, because some people out there, in our nation, don't have
that, and eh I believe that our education, like such as in
South Africa, and the Iraq, everywhere like such as, and I
believe that they should, our education over here, in the
US, should help the US, or should help South Africa, and
should help the Iraq and the Asian countries, so we will be
able to build up our future... for our children.'
- Ms. Teen South Carolina 2007

 

 

Strange/Bizarre/Quirkie News.

 

Bigamist Plumber

A plumber sent to prison on a driving charge had pleaded with Walton-on-Thames magistrates not to jail him as he was due to marry the next week.

The local newspaper reported the case thus alerting his wife that he was about to commit bigamy.

5)
Anonymous Accountant

An accountant in Salem, Pennsylvania, has been charged with 'defiant trespass', which carries a two-year prison sentence. His alleged crime? He spoke at a public meeting, objecting to a new sewage disposal plan, for 11 minutes instead of the allotted five.  

 


No Cuban Cigar

Joan Slote, aged 74, was fined $4,800 by the US Treasury for going on a cycle tour of Cuba, defying the US embargo of the island. She was also fined $80 for buying souvenirs.

 

 

 True Story.  

 

A German meat supplier has found a novel solution
to unpaid bills: repossessing the steaks right off diners'
plates.

Police in Aachen said Thursday that a dispute over money
ended with the man grabbing his wares off the plates of some
20 bemused guests at a restaurant in the western city.

A furious argument erupted in the kitchen after the man made
his daily delivery Wednesday evening but was told the
restaurant didn't immediately have the euro400 ($535) in
cash to pay his bill.

The vendor then took back the meat he'd delivered, including
steaks already being cooked or marinated. That still didn't
cover the bill, so he continued collecting meat in the
dining room.

Police arrived at the scene after he left but said they
believed no offence was committed.

True Story 2

 Only in America:Another Whopper
 
Burger King's left handed whopper:
In 1998 Burger King published a full page advertisement in USA Today announcing a new item to their menu: a 'Left-Handed Whopper' specially designed for the 32 million left-handed Americans. According to the advertisement, the new whopper included the same ingredients as the original Whopper (lettuce, tomato, hamburger patty, etc.), but all the condiments were rotated 180 degrees for the benefit of their left-handed customers.

The following day Burger King issued a follow-up release revealing that although the Left-Handed Whopper was a hoax, thousands of customers had gone into restaurants to request the new sandwich. Simultaneously, according to the press release, 'many others requested their own 'right handed' version.'

 


 Test For People Who Know Everything  

Trust us, this is a good test.  So many of the questions are tantalising.   You should be able to get at least three, but you have to be a genius to get 10/12.  Question (2) is especially tricky.

12 Tests - (Answers supplied when you have completed)
(1) There's one 'sport' in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends. What is it?

(2) What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward?

(3) Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons. All other vegetables must be replanted every year. What are the only two perennial vegetables? (Biennials don't count.)

(4) Name the only sport in which the ball is always in possession of the team on defence, and the offensive team can score without touching the ball?

(5) What fruit has its seeds on the outside?

(6) In many liquor stores, you can buy pear brandy, with a real pear inside the bottle. The pear is whole and ripe, and the bottle is genuine; it hasn't been cut in any way. How did the pear get inside the bottle?

(7) Only three words in standard English begin with the letters 'dw.' They are all common.  Name two of them.

(8) There are fourteen punctuation marks in English grammar. Can you name half of them?

(9) Where are the lakes that are referred to in the 'Los Angeles Lakers?'

(9a) For English readers, What is the Vale referred to in Vale Park.

(10) There are seven ways a baseball player can legally reach first base without getting a hit.  Being designated a pinch-runner is one way. Name the other six.

(10a) For English and Colonial readers, there are 10 ways of being out in Cricket.  Hit the ball twice is one. Can you name the other 9.

(11) It's the only vegetable or fruit that is never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form but fresh.  What is it?

(12) Name six (or more) things that you can wear on your feet that begin with the letter 'S.'



Answers (Simple)
1. Boxing. (Possibly Ice Skating)

2. Niagara Falls. The rim is worn down about two and a half feet each year because of the millions of gallons of water that rush over it every minute.

3. Asparagus and rhubarb.

4. Baseball.

5. Strawberry.

6. The pear grew inside the bottle. The bottles are placed over pear buds when they are small, and are wired in place on the tree. The bottle is left in place for the whole growing season. When the pears are ripe, they are snipped off at the stems.

7. Dwarf, dwell, and dwindle.

8. Period (full stop), comma, colon, semicolon, dash, hyphen, apostrophe, question mark, exclamation point, quotation marks, brackets, parenthesis, braces, and ellipses.

9. In Minnesota. The team was originally known as the Minneapolis Lakers and kept the name when they moved west.

9a. Port Vale Football club play at Vale Park.

10. Batter hit by a pitch; passed ball; catcher interference; catcher drops third strike; fielder's choice; and being 'Walked' by the pitcher.

10a Cricket: Bowled, Stumped, LBW, Run Out, Caught, Hit ball twice, Hit wicket, Handled ball, Obstructing the fielder, and the one everyone forgets - Out of time.

11. Lettuce.

12. Shoes, socks, sandals, sneakers, slippers, skis, snowshoes, stockings.

Well, now you know! Feel any smarter
?


 Humour

 

Numerate Caddy

The golfer called to one of the caddies and said, 'I want a
caddy who can count and keep the score.'

'Yes, sir. I'm very good at keeping score.'

'We'll see. If I shoot 3 on the first hole, 4 strokes on the
second hole, and 5 on the third, what's my score so far?'
asked the golfer.

'Ten, sir,' said the caddy.

'Good, you'll do perfectly.' said the golfer

 

Marriage Jokes  

1) Actual advertisement in The New York Post:
For Sale by owner: Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica. 45 volumes.  Excellent condition. $1,000 or best offer.

No longer needed. Got married last weekend.

Wife knows everything.

2) Why we split up

She told me we couldn't afford beer anymore and I'd have to quit. Then I caught her spending $65 on make-up. So I asked, how come I had to give up stuff and not her.

She said she needed the make-up to look pretty for me.

I told her that was what the beer was for.

I don't think she's coming back.

3) Happy Anniversary:

'You think so much of golf that you don't even remember when we were married.'

'Of course I do, my dear, it was the day I sank that forty-foot putt.'

4) Good basis for marriage?

A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counselling came up.

'Oh, we'll never need that. My husband and I have a great relationship,' the wife explained. 'He was a communications major in college and I majored in theatre arts. He communicates really well and I just act like I'm listening.'

 

 

Another only in America Tale.

 
Awards


It's time again for the annual 'Stella Awards'! For those unfamiliar with these awards, they are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued the McDonald's in New Mexico, where she purchased coffee. You remember, she took the lid off the coffee and put it between her knees while she was driving. Who would ever think one could get burned doing that, right? That's right; these are awards for the most outlandish lawsuits and verdicts in the U.S. You know, the kinds of cases that make you scratch your head. So keep your head scratcher handy.

Here are the Stella's for the past year:

* SEVENTH PLACE *

Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas was awarded $80,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The store owners were understandably surprised by the verdict, considering the running toddler was her own son.

* SIXTH PLACE *

Carl Truman, 19, of Los Angeles , California won $74,000 plus medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.

* FIFTH PLACE *

Terrence Dickson, of Bristol , Pennsylvania , who was leaving a house he had just burglarized by way of the garage. Unfortunately for Dickson, the automatic garage door opener malfunctioned and he could not get the garage door to open. Worse, he couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the garage to the house locked when Dickson pulled it shut. Forced to sit for eight, count 'em, EIGHT days and survive on a case of Pepsi and a large bag of dry dog food, he sued the homeowner's insurance company claiming undue mental Anguish. Amazingly, the jury said the insurance company must pay Dickson $500,000 for his anguish.

* FOURTH PLACE *

Jerry Williams, of Little Rock, Arkansas, garnered 4th Place in the Stella's when he was awarded $14,500 plus medical expenses! after being bitten on the butt by his next door neighbor's beagle - even though the beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. Williams did not get as much as he asked for because the jury believed the beagle might have been provoked at the time of the butt bite because Williams had climbed over the fence into the yard and repeatedly shot the dog with a pellet gun.

* THIRD PLACE *

Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania because a jury ordered a Philadelphia restaurant to pay her $113,500 after she slipped on a spilled soft drink and broke her tail bone. The reason the soft drink was on the floor: Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.

*SECOND PLACE*

Kara Walton, of Claymont , Delaware sued the owner of a night club in a nearby city because she fell from the bathroom window to the floor, knocking out her two front teeth. Even though Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the ladies room window to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge, the jury said the night club had to pay her $12,000.... plus dental expenses.

* FIRST PLACE *

This year's runaway First Place Stella Award winner was: Mrs. Merv Grazinski, of Oklahoma City , Oklahoma , who purchased new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On her first trip home, from an OU football game, having driven on to the freeway, she set the cruise! control at 70 mph and calmly left the driver's seat to go to the back of the Winnebago to make herself a sandwich. Not surprisingly, the motor home left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Also not surprisingly, Mrs. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not putting in the owner's manual that she couldn't actually leave the driver's seat while the cruise control was set. The Oklahoma jury awarded her, are you sitting down?

$1,750,000 PLUS a new motor home. Winnebago actually changed their manuals as a result of this suit, just in case Mrs. Grazinski has any relatives who might also buy a motor home.
 
Thanks Leo for that one.
  
 
Tax Return

There was a man who made his tax returns promptly and properly only to find that he owed the IRS [Internal Revenue Service], in 1997, $3407USD.  He packaged up his payment and included this letter:

Dear IRS,

Enclosed is my 1997 tax return and payment. Please take note of the attached article from the USA
Today
newspaper. In the article, you will see that the Pentagon is paying $171.50 for hammers and NASA has paid $600.00 for a toilet seat.

Please find enclosed four toilet seats (value $2400) and six hammers (value $1029).

This brings my total payment to $3429.00. Please note the overpayment of $22.00 and apply it to the 'Presidential Election Fund', as noted on my return. Might I suggest you then send the above mentioned fund a '1.5 inch screw'. (See attached article - HUD paid $22.00 for a 1.5 inch Phillips Head Screw.)

It has been a pleasure to pay my tax bill this year, and I look forward to paying it again next year. I have just read an article about the Pentagon and 'screwdrivers'.

Sincerely,

Disgruntled of Oklahoma.

  
An amateur photographer was invited to dinner with friends
and took along a few pictures to show the hostess. She
looked at the photos and commented 'These are beautiful! You
must have a very good camera.'

He didn't make any comment, but, as he was leaving to go
home he said, 'That was a really delicious meal! You must
have some very good pots.' 



 

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