News

Sarsfields Newsletter.

November 8, 2018

THE SASH Thursday October 27th 2011 

 

The Weekly Online Newsletter of Sarsfields GAA Club.

 

 

 

 

U21 Championship: Sarsfields 2-9 Clane 2-8

 

 

Tony Ryan

 

In the U21 A championship curtain raiser to the Intermediate football final on Sunday in St. Conleth’s Park, Sarsfields overcame Clane by the narrowest of margins following a dramatic second half comeback by Clane which saw them overcame an eight point deficit and draw level with four minutes of normal time remaining.

            Despite the almost continuous downpour with the attendant ball handling difficulties both teams contributed to a game of generally free flowing football. Sarsfields were quickest to settle and a an excellent opening long range point from  half forward Barry Coffey was followed by a goal as Sarsafields rangy full forward Matty Byrne flicked the ball on to the inrushing corner forward Gary Quinn who struck low and hard to the net from close range.

Sarsfields continued to dominate with their midfield pairing of Sean Cambell and Caoimhghin McDonnell getting the better of their Clane counterparts. A Steven Lawlor point increased Sarsfields lead before Clane finally opened their account at the mid point of the first half with a point from full forward and Clane’s top scorer, Conor Murphy to keave the scoe 1-2 to 0-1 in favour of Sarsfields. Three minutes later it was Murphy who supplied a pin point crossfield pass to corner forward Dean Connolly who had positioned himself behind a negligent Sarsfields defence and bore down on goal before coolly slotting his shot to the left hand corner of the Sarsfields net. Sarsfields responded to the concession of the goal with a point from Matty Byrne and after a good long distance delivery from midfielder Sean Cambell. Barry Coffey then scored his second point in injury time to give Sarsfields a comfortable 2-5 to 1-2 half time lead.

After the resumption Sarsfields quickly scored two successive points from Matty Byrne and Daragh Horgan to increase their lead to eight points and with just five minutes gone in the second half it looked like they had already booked their place in the next round.  However as the conditions worsened Sarsfields had to weather a storm of a different nature as Clane gradually clawed heir way back into the game. For the next twenty one minutes Sarsfields were held scoreless as Clane proceeded to score 1-5 without reply. Clane’s resurgence began with a pointed Conor Murphy free in the 41st minute and was complete with the equalising goal from Clane’s impressive centre forward Danny Egan with just four minutes of normal time remaining. The momentum now appeared to be with Clane but Sarsfields beleaguered defence held firm and two points against the run of play within a minute from Ciaran McInerny Aspell and Padraig Buckley broke the Clane stranglehold and  relieved the pressure on the Sarsfields rearguard Clane replied with a well taken 35 metre free from their best player Conor Murphy to reduce the deficit to a single point but in the final minutes Sarsfields retained possession and held on for a narrow but deserved victory.

 

Sarsfields:Cian Glavin, Dan Doherty, Donnachadh McDonnell, Shane Hurley, Stephen Lawlor 0-1, Ciaran McInerney Aspell 0-1, Steven Dunne, Caoimhghin McDonnell, Sean Cambell Barry Coffey 0-2, Dan Nea, Padraig Buckley 0-2,Gary Quinn 1-0, Matty Byrne 0-1, Dara Horgan 1-2.

 

Clane: Danny Byrne, Barry Egan, Gary Hunt, Ryan McGrath 0-1, Craig Gartland, Eoin Kelly , Niall O’Brien, Jack Kelly, Sean Christenseen, Cathal Maguire 0-2, Danny Egan 0-1, Paul Hunt, Cian Kilkenny, Conor Murphy 1-5, Dean Connolly 1-0. Subs: Conor Doyle for Niall O’Brien inj (ht), Cathal Fitzpatrick for Dean Connolly (43 mins) Stephen Byrne for Jack Kelly (49mins)David Gibbons for Paul Hunt inj (59 mins)  Referee Niall Colgan, Monasterevin.

 

Congratulations to the U21 footballers who opened their championship campaign with a 2-9 to 2-8 win over Clane on Sunday in St. Conleth’s Park.

Well done to all who worked so hard to make Friday’s Fashion Show in the clubhouse such a success.

Happy 80th birthday to Miko Doyle a member of Sarsfields 3 in a row championship winning team from 1950–52 and Leinster championship winner with Kildare in 1956 who celebrated with a party in Sarsfields recently 

Congratulations to Gary Maguire, Dublin hurling goalkeeper and brother of Sarsfields Intermediate hurling goalkeeper Dermot, who has been awarded his first All-Star in the GPA Hurling All Star awards announced on Friday last. 

The floodlights committee are delighted to announce that thanks to the generosity of all those who have supported the Committee’s floodlights initiative that they are now in a position to purchase the Match Standard Floodlights and training lights for the second and third pitch. A further €15000- €20000 will be required to finish the project. This is to cover the cost of a generator, civil works, landscaping etc. The floodlight committee is asking anyone who might be in a position to contribute to the fund to please do so. They would be delighted to receive any amount that a person is able to afford to give. At the end of this project we will have match standard lighting and no additional debt on the Club. A person can contribute to the fund in Newbridge Credit Union. Many members to date have used the loan facility provided by NCU. This enables a person to contribute any amount they wish and pay it back between 1-5 years. A final fund raiser will be held in early 2012 to help raise the remaining money. The date and type of event will be confirmed nearer the time.

St. Laurence’s are running a talent competition on Saturday 29th October to find a GAA person or group with a talented singing voice . received the previous mail that  confirm their entries.Closing date for entries is now October 18th for more information contact Secretary John Holden on 087-2872208.

 Sarsfields Texas Hold'em Night 7.30pm Friday 11th Nov. Entry Cost €30
All Welcome. Purchase ticket in advance and receive 1000 Bonus Chips.
 for further information contact Mark Filgate at: markfilgate@gmail.com for further information

The club caters for all social and family functions such as weddings, christenings, anniversaries, birthday parties etc and can also provide a private room with bar facilities for smaller groups. Full catering service is available for all functions and menu requirements can be discussed with our resident chef. Please contact the bar manager Celine at 087 8336833 for further details.

A Golf Outing to St Margarets Golf Club has been arranged for Saturday 22nd October. Cost including Golf & Meal is €45. Contact Michael Ward 086 4034439. Deposits taken each Monday evening

Any interested managers or mentors that would like to bring their team to the Ladies All-Ireland final in Croke Park please contact Ladies Secretary Dema at dema.houlihan@gmail.com or on0868520730

Underage:The academy will close for the season on Saturday 29th of October and resume in the first week of March 2012  For more information on getting involved with Sarsfields Underage Academy next season contact football academy coordinator Michael Byrne  at Michael.Byrne@itg.com or 086 837 5719    For more information contact football academy coordinator Michael Byrne  at Michael.Byrne@itg.com or 086 837 5719. 

Social dancing every Tuesday night in Sarsfields clubhouse at 9pm in aid of  the charities ALMAS/ Sr. Muriels Home. Only €7 admission  The line up for September is as follows: Upfront are playing on September 6th, The Kelly Family on the 13th, Brian McDermott on the 20th and Cupla on the 27th. Bar open and tea and coffee served. For more information on a great night out contact organiser Seamus Wilson on 087-7985240 

 The Ladies section of the club is currently looking for Managers/Mentors for the following teams for the Autumn League that commences in September: Girls U11, Girls U13, Girls U15. Ideally we would like one Manager and at least two mentors for each team and preferably of mixed gender. Gerry Murphy and Paul Nolan have been appointed Girls U16 Manager and selector respectively. Gerry can be contacted at Geraldmurphy01@eircom.net and on. 0879550146. Paul can be contacted on 0872058728

               Sarsfields Lotto results for Monday 24th October No Jackpot Winner. Numbers drawn: 1,4,5,19. €100: Christy Horan €40 each: Kathleen Scanlon c/o Seamus Wilson, Graham Coffey, Mark Filgate.  €25: Claire Cluxton.                        

 


All the new Club kit and attire is now available and can be purchased from the Shop. The Shop is also selling gift vouchers which make a great present. Lisa can help with all your queries. The shop is open each Saturday morning between 10.30 and 12.30. Please remember the shop can only accept cash and cheques, not debit or credit cards.


Sarsfields Fixtures this Weekend.

Saturday

29th October

Under 15 Girls Football League

Sarsfields v Balyna Sarsfields Park at 12noon.

Sunday 30th October

Under 21 Football Championship Quarter Final

Sarsfields v Athy

in Sarsfields at 2pm

Monday 31st October

U15 Boys Football League Div 6

Sarsfields 2 vs. Maynooth 2

at 11:30am in Sarsfields

 

Sarsfields Texas Hold’em Poker Night.

Sarsfields GAA Texas Holdem Poker Night Friday 11th Nov - Starts7.30pm with Entry extended to the end of the Ireland vs. Estoniamatch. There will be Pint Specials during the match.

Entry €30 with 1000 Bonus Chips for tickets purchased in advance –Great Cash Prizes to be won on the night.

If you require tickets please do not hesitate to contact me but in themeantime if you could forward this to any friends, family or Clubmembers who may be interested I would appreciate this.

Regards

Mark

 

 

 

 

 

Sasrsfields On Facebook 

Sarsfields now have 980 Fans on Facebook.

Sarsfields now has a Facebook Page where all sections can now post information directly relating to games, results events and photos etc. In addition there is a discussion forum. Link to Sarsfields  Facebook page can be found by scrolling down the home page of the Sarsfields website or by Googling Sarsfields GAA FaceBook.

 

More Stupid Quotes. 

 

'I think that the film Clueless was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think lightness has to come from a very deep place if it's true lightness.'
- Alicia Silverstone, Actress

 

I didn't know Onward Christian Soldiers was a Christian song.'
- Aggie Pate, at a non-denominational mayor's breakfast, Fort Worth, Texas

 

'I didn't realize I was in a Buddhist temple.'
- Al Gore, former U.S. Vice President when asked about his illegal fundraising activities that took place in a Buddhist temple.

 

'How to store your baby walker: First, remove baby.'
- Anonymous Manufacturer

 

It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.
- Al Gore former Vice President

 

'Better make it six, I can't eat eight.'
- Dan Osinski, Baseball pitcher, when a waitress asked if he wanted his pizza cut into six or eight slices

 

'Hawaii is a unique state. It is a small state. It is a state that is by itself. It is a --it is different from the other 49 states. Well, all states are different, but it's got a particularly unique situation.'
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President

 

'The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century.'
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice-President

'What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is.'
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President

 

True Story

Here Here for the Mayor

 

Maverick mayor elected after promising to slash council spending, clear the streets of yobbos and ditch politically correct services is the torchbearer for how towns should be run.

On his first morning as Mayor of Doncaster in South Yorkshire, Peter Davies cut his salary from PA..£73,000 to £30,000 then closed the council’s newspaper for 'peddling politics on the rates'.

Now three weeks into his job, Mr Davies is pressing ahead with plans he hopes will see the number of town councillors cut from 63 to just 21, saving taxpayers £800,000.
Mr Davies said: 'If 100 senators can run the United States of America, I can’t see how 63 councillors are needed to run Doncaster'.

He has withdrawn Doncaster from the Local Government Association and the Local Government Information Unit, saving another £200,000. Mr Davies said, 'They are just talking shops'.

'Doncaster is in for some serious non-twinning. We are twinned with probably nine other cities around the world and they are just for people to fly off and have a binge at the council’s expense'.

The mayor’s chauffeur-driven car has also been axed by Mr Davies and the driver given another job. Mr Davies, born and bred in Doncaster, swept to power in the May election with 24,244 votes as a candidate for the English Democrats, a party that wants tight immigration curbs, an English Parliament and a law forcing every public building to fly the flag of St. George.

He has promised to end council funding for Doncaster’s International Women’s Day, Black History Month and the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender History Month.
He said, 'Politicians have got completely out of touch with what people want.

'We need to cut costs. I want to pass on some savings I make in reduced taxes and use the rest for things we really need, like improved children’s services'.

Mr Davies has received messages from well wishers across the country and abroad as news of his no-nonsense approach spreads.

Now it’s your chance to spread this most sensible way to run a town council
.

Thanks to Leo Kennedy for the above

 

Tale of the Strange Smithsonian Exhibit

The story behind the letter below is that there is this nutball in Newport, Rhode Island named Scott Williams who digs things out of his backyard and sends the stuff he finds to the Smithsonian Institute, labelling them with scientific names, insisting that they are actual archaeological finds.

This man really exists and does this in his spare time!

Anyway... here's the actual response from the Smithsonian Institution. Bear this in mind next time you think you are challenged in your duty to respond to a difficult situation in writing.

Smithsonian Institute 207 Pennsylvania Avenue Washington, DC 20078
Dear Mr. Williams:
Thank you for your latest submission to the Institute, labelled '93211-D, layer seven, next to the clothesline post... Hominid skull.'

We have given this specimen a careful and detailed examination, and regret to inform you that we disagree with your theory that it represents conclusive proof of the presence of Early Man in Charleston County two million years ago. Rather, it appears that what you have found is the head of a Barbie doll, of the variety that one of our staff, who has small children, believes to be 'Malibu Barbie.'

It is evident that you have given a great deal of thought to the analysis of this specimen, and you may be quite certain that those of us who are familiar with your prior work in the field were loathe to come to contradict your findings. However, we do feel that there are a number of physical attributes of the specimen which might have tipped you off to its modern origin:

1. The material is moulded plastic. Ancient hominid remains are typically fossilised bone.

2. The cranial capacity of the specimen is approximately 9 cubic centimetres, well below the threshold of even the earliest identified proto-hominids.

3. The dentition pattern evident on the skull is more consistent with the common domesticated dog than it is with the ravenous man-eating Pliocene clams you speculate roamed the wetlands during that time.

This latter finding is certainly one of the most intriguing hypotheses you have submitted in your history with this institution, but the evidence seems to weigh rather heavily against it. Without going into too much detail, let us say that:

1. The specimen looks like the head of a Barbie doll that a dog has chewed on.

2. Clams don't have teeth.
It is with feelings tinged with melancholy that we must deny your request to have the specimen carbon-dated. This is partially due to the heavy load our lab must bear in its normal operation, and partly due to carbon-datings notorious inaccuracy in fossils of recent geologic record.

To the best of our knowledge, no Barbie dolls were produced prior to 1956 AD, and carbon-dating is likely to produce wildly inaccurate results.

Sadly, we must also deny your request that we approach the National Science Foundation Phylogeny Department with the concept of assigning your specimen the scientific name Australopithecus spiff-arino. Speaking personally, I, for one, fought tenaciously for the acceptance of your proposed taxonomy, but was ultimately voted down because the species name you selected was hyphenated, and didn't really sound like it might be Latin.

However, we gladly accept your generous donation of this fascinating specimen to the museum. While it is undoubtedly not a Hominid fossil, it is, nonetheless, yet another riveting example of the great body of work you seem to accumulate here so effortlessly. You should know that our Director has reserved a special shelf in his own office for the display of the specimens you have previously submitted to the Institution, and the entire staff speculates daily on what you will happen upon next in your digs at the site you have discovered in your Newport back yard.

We eagerly anticipate your trip to our nation's capital that you proposed in your last letter, and several of us are pressing the Director to pay for it. We are particularly interested in hearing you expand on your theories surrounding the trans-positating fillifitation of ferrous ions in a structural matrix that makes the excellent juvenile Tyrannosaurus Rex femur you recently discovered take on the deceptive appearance of a rusty 9-mm Sears Craftsman automotive crescent wrench.

Yours in Science, Harvey Rowe Chief Curator-Antiquities


Famous Sayings

Those who do not learn the lessons of history are bound to repeat them
Santyana

He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever.
Chinese proverb

I cannot teach anybody anything, I can only make them think.
Socrates (470-399 B.C.) �

I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand.
Confucius

All things are difficult before they are easy
Thomas Fuller

Curiosity is one of the permanent and certain characteristics of a vigorous mind
Samuel Johnson

I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
Thomas Jefferson (1
743-1826)

I am still learning.
Michelangelo �

Believe one who has proved it. Believe an expert.
Virgil, Aeneid

All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
Arthur Schopenhauer (1
788-1860)

Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese proverb

Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm
Ralph Waldo Emerson

The more we do, the more we can do
William Hazlett

Man's mind, once stretched by a new idea, never regains its original dimensions.
Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare, it is because we do not dare that they are difficult
Seneca

Pay no attention to what the critics say;�no statue has ever been erected to a critic
Jean Sibelius�

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
Rene Descartes

Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
Will Durant

Readers are plentiful, thinkers are rare.
Harriet Martineau

You cannot create experience. You must undergo it.
Albert Camus �

Do not wait for the day of judgement, it takes place every day
Albert Camus

All men desire knowledge
Aristotle

Education is the best provision for old age
Aristotle

Well begun is half done.
Aristotle

For the things we have to learn before we can do them, we learn by doing them
Aristotle

 

Humour 

 

Curious Name Places Located in the USA

Paradox, strange as it may seem, is in New York
Crapo, unfortunately for them is in Maryland
Boogertown, is happily in North Carolina
Hellhole, is depressingly to be found in Idaho
Purgatory, is sadly in Maine
Volcano, an explosive place in Hawaii
Needmore, is in the greedy state of Arkansas
Hardup, is in the poor [you must be joking} state of Utah
Rudeville, surprisingly perhaps is in New Jersey
Boring, can be found in Oregon [I wonder if it is?]
Hell, is in Michigan [Some other places too, I suspect]
Hooker, can be found in California [And other places too]
Virgin, is a place in Utah
Dulls Corner, is in Maryland [Do they wear pointy hats there?]
Bowlegs, is amusingly in Oklahoma
Beersville, is a fine town in Pennsylvania
Fleatown, is an itchy place in Ohio
Burnt Corn, can be seen in Alabama
Two Guns, famously in Arizona
Toad Suck, is a found in Arkansas
A Monkey's Eyebrow, is based in Arizona

Curious Name Places Located in the UK

Ugley in Essex [What a pity; is there an Ugley Women's Institute or Working men's Club, in the town?]
Pratts Bottom in Kent [Even more so]
Great Snoring in Norfolk
Little Snoring in Norfolk [which would you prefer to live in?]
Beer in Devon [Possible retirement place for Will?]
Giggleswick in Yorkshire
Maggots End in Hertfordshire [Ugh]
Great Cockup in Cumbria
World's End can be found in Berkshire and again near Birmingham [Lovely pub/restaurant in the place near Denmead, Hampshire]
Blubberhouses in Yorkshire [Visited there once says Will]
Catbrain near Bristol
Crank in Merseyside [Probably more than one]
Hole in the Wall near Ross-on-Wye, Herefordshire [Visited a pub named that in Caernarfon, North Wales, once or twice say Guy and Will]
Idle near Bradford, Yorkshire [Fancy belonging to the Idle Men's Working Club]
Lilliput near Bournemouth, Dorset [Full of little people?]
Mumps in the Greater Manchester area [Sounds painful]
Piddlehinton in Dorset [There are several names like this based around The River Piddle - true].
There is also a Wyre Piddle in Worcestershire.
Pity Me in Durham

 

Lawyers are often the butt of jokes throughout the world. Here are some examples, taken from stenographer's transcripts of real court cases.

Q: Have you lived in this town all your life?
A: Not yet.

Q: ... any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial?
A: The victim lived.

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
A: Yes, I have been since early childhood.

Q: Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods?
A: No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region.

Q: What is your brother-in-law's name?
A: Fowler
Q: What's his first name?
A: I can't remember.
Q: He's been your brother-in-law for years, and you can't remember his first name?
A: No. I tell you I'm too excited. (Rising from the witness chair and pointing to Mr. Fowler). Derek, for goodness sake, tell them your first name.

Q: Did you tell your lawyer that your husband had offered you indignities?
A: He didn�t offer me anything; he just said I could have the furniture.

Q: What is your name?
A: Geraldine McNally
Q: And what is your marital status?
A: Fair

Q: Are you married?
A: No, I'm divorced.
Q: And what did your husband do before you divorced him?
A: A lot of things I didn't know about.


Q: Mrs. Warren, is your appearance this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your solicitor?
A: No. This is how I always dress when I go to work.
Q: Did he pick the dog up by the ears?
A: No.
Q: What was he doing with the dog's ears?
A: Picking them up in the air.
Q: Where was the dog at this time?
A: Attached to the ears.

Q: ...and what did he do then?
A: He came home and next morning he was dead.
Q: So when he woke up the next morning he was dead?

Q: Could you see him from where you were standing?
A: I could see his head.
Q: And where was his head?
A: Just above his shoulders.

Q: The truth of the matter is that you were not an unbiased, objective witness, isn't it. You, too, were shot in the fracas?
A: No, sir. I was shot midway between the fracas and the naval.

Q: Now, Mrs Brown, how was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And, by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are right now?
A: I will be three months November 8th.
Q: Apparently then, the date of conception was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: What were you and your husband doing at that time?

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies have been on dead people.

Q: Did the lady standing the driveway subsequently identify herself to you?
A: Yes, she did.
Q: Who did she say she was?
A: She said she was the owner of the dog's wife.
Q: I understand you're Donald Rowbotham�s mother.
A: Yes.
Q: How long have you known him?

Q: Please state the location of your right foot immediately prior to impact.
A: Immediately before the impact, my right foot was located at the immediate end of my right leg.

Q: Was that the same nose you broke as a child?

Q: What happened then?
A: He told me, he says, 'I have to kill you because you can identify me.'
Q: Did he kill you?

Q: Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?

Q: Were you alone or by yourself?

Q: How long have you been a French Canadian?

Q: Do you have any children or anything of that kind?

Q: So you were gone until you returned? 

 

Bank Chases Dead Woman For Money

 

Reported in the Newcastle Evening Chronicle;

A woman died in September, and MBNA bank billed her for October and November for their annual service charges on her credit card, and then added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance that had been £0.00, now was somewhere around £60.00.

A family member placed a call to the MBNA Bank:

Family Member:
'I am calling to tell you that she died in January.'

MBNA:
'The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.'



Family Member:
'Maybe, you should turn it over to collections.'

MBNA:
'Since it is two months past due, it already has been.'

 

Family Member:
So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?'

MBNA:
'Either report her account to the frauds division or report her to The credit bureau, maybe both!'

Family Member:
'Do you think God will be mad at her?'

MBNA:

'Excuse me?'

Family Member:
'Did you just get what I was telling you . ..
The part about her Being dead?'

MBNA:
'Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor.'

Supervisor gets on the phone:

 

Family Member:
'I'm calling to tell you, she died in January.'

MBNA:
'The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.'


Family Member:
'You mean you want to collect from her estate?'

MBNA:
(Stammer) 'Are you her lawyer?'

Family Member:
'No, I'm her grandson'
(Lawyer info given)

MBNA:
'Could you fax us a certificate of death?'


Family Member:
'Sure.'
( fax number is given )

After they get the fax:


MBNA:
'Our system just isn't set up for death.
I don't know what more I can do to help.'

Family Member:
'Well, if you figure it out, great!
If not, you could just keep billing her.
I don't think she will care.'

MBNA:
'Well, the late fees and charges do still apply.'

Family Member:

 

'Would you like her new billing address?'


MBNA:
'That might help.'

Family Member:
'Heaton Cemetery, Heaton Road, Newcastle upon Tyne Plot 1049.'

MBNA:
'Sir, that's a cemetery!'

Family Member:
'Well, what the **** do you do with dead people on your planet?'


MBNA were not available for comment when a reporter from the Newcastle Evening Chronicle rang.


 

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked
> about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm
> doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the
> shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a
> 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.
>
> Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the
> barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you , I'm doing community
> service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop. The next morning
> when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen
> donuts waiting for him at his door.
>
> Then a politician
came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill,
> the barber again replied, 'I can not accept money from you. I'm doing
> community service this week.' The politician was very happy and left the
> shop. The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen
> politicians lined up waiting for a free haircut.
>

> And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the
> citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.
>
> BOTH POLITICIANS AND NAPPIES NEED TO BE CHANGED OFTEN AND FOR THE SAME REASON!

Thanks to Leo Kennedy for the above one.
>

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