News

Sarsfields Newsletter

November 8, 2018

THE SASH Wednesday May 27thth 2009

 

The Weekly Online Newsletter of Sarsfields GAA Club.

 

Sudden Death of Former Sarsfields Chef Peter Loftus.

 

Sarsfields extend deepest sympathy to the Loftus family on the sudden and tragic death this morning of Peter Loftus who was our resident chef for a number of years. Peter collapsed this morning while preparing breakfast in the Curragh where he was an army chef. Ar dheis deo go raibh sé

 

 

Seniors back to winning ways.

Sarsfields 4-11 Rathangan 1-7

 

The senior footballers moved off the relegation zone with a comfortable win over Rathangan 4-11 to 1-7 in Sarsfields Park last night. Two first half goals from Padraig Brennan and Robbie Confrey set them up for victory as they lead 2-7 to 1-3 at the break. Three second half points from the excellent Morgan and a second Robbie Confrey goal with 10 minutes remaining put the game beyond any doubt. They will now play Carbury tomorrow night Thursday 28th at 7.30 in Sarsfields Park.

 

Bank Holiday Weekend In Sarsfields.

 

Sunday Lunch from 12.30. Enjoy a pint and watch the the Ulster Championship tie between Tyrone and Armagh this Sunday on the big screens in Sarsfields. Music from 10pm on Sunday 31st May by Davie Ussher.

 

 

Lilies enigma raises same old doubts

By Eugene McGee

 

When it comes to exhibition football there is no better team than Kildare to produce the goods. We got a great example of this in the first half against Offaly in Portlaoise yesterday when Kildare simply blew the opposition out of the water with a devastating opening quarter that gave them a 1-7 to 0-1 lead after 20 minutes.

This was textbook football as the Kildare wing forwards tore the Offaly defence to shreds. And with full-forward Ronan Sweeney dispatched far outfield, the two inside men, Alan Smith and John Doyle, caused mayhem in a stuttering Offaly backline who hardly managed to lay a finger on these dancing predators numbered 10 to 15.

Changed times indeed in a game between Offaly and Kildare but then, as far as Offaly football is concerned, we do live in strange times.

As has so often happened with Kildare over the years and still under the Kieran McGeeney regime, it seems, exhibition periods are often replaced by more searching queries from opponents and then the whole picture changes for the Lilywhites.

Kicks get blocked down, gaps appear in defence and terrible attempts at scoring are kicked wide from easy positions.

Unfortunately for Offaly, their chance to change the Kildare players from swans to ugly ducklings came too late because this game was over at half-time.

In the first half, Offaly played as poorly as I have ever seen in a championship game. Only the outstanding Niall Smith at midfield prevented a total massacre in that opening period in which Offaly managed a total of two points from play, while Kildare scored at will from play.

But then a situation that Kildare followers are very familiar with emerged after half-time.

The scoring rate dropped to the extent that they only managed three points in the opening 20 minutes of the second half.

Some substitutions, mainly veterans like Ciaran McManus, Niall Darby and Shane Sullivan, at least made their physical presence felt, and, all over the field, Offaly players began to remind us how the county used to play all those years against Kildare and everybody else in Leinster.

But, of course, the result had long been decided, so the Offaly cause was hopeless through the second half.

Most worrying for Kildare fans was the disappearance of the flair, the running at defenders and the well-constructed scores that had dazzled everybody in the opening half.

So, once again, we cannot be sure how good, or bad, this Kildare team are, but most people would say that, on average, they have the cut of a good championship team about them. That's about the best we can say because a string of wides and signs of distress in the backline against forwards who were no world-beaters. This must leave some nagging doubts with McGeeney, as well as the fans.

That said, Kildare did win at a canter and are in pole position to reach the Leinster final, at least.

It is interesting to observe the referees' behaviour nowadays following the decision inspired by the managers to scuttle the experimental rules.

So far, it is business as usual -- pulling, dragging and other negative play largely going unnoticed.

Yesterday, within 20 yards of where the referee and a linesman were standing, Dermot Earley appeared to elbow Ciaran McManus, but no action of any kind took place. Some things never change.

-

 

 

 

Leinster GAA News
 
TV3 NEWS RELEASE


  TVS ANNOUNCES GAA LINE UP FOR THE 2009 CHAMPIONSHIP SEASON
 
 Matt Cooper to present live matches on 'Championship Live'  
 
 All-Ireland winners amongst top panellists re-joining the TV3 analysis
 team
 
TV3 to broadcast 10 live matches from June 7 including 4 Provincial  finals
 
TV3 re-launch new look magazine show 'Championship Throw - In'

 
TV3 yesterday announced its GAA line up for the forthcoming season.  All live matches will be hosted by Matt Cooper.  Matt will be joined in studio by expert panellists for each match including Peter Canavan, Eugene McGee, Senan Connell, Daithí Regan, David Brady, Liam Hayes, Jamesie O'Connor and Liam Griffin.
 
 TV3’ s championship team will include, commentator Mike Finnerty and his co-commentators Joe Kernan, Paul Earley and Nicky English while TV3> '> s Gaelic Games correspondent Kieran McSweeney and TV3> '> s sports reporter Sinead Kissane, will be transmitting the atmosphere of the occasion and getting the views from the players and the fans.
  
 Championship Live begins with a classic Munster football clash on 7th June.  TV3 cameras will be live as Kerry take on their main adversary, Cork in the provincial football semi final.  TV3's ten game package also includes four Provincial finals, a Leinster football semi-final and first pick in the All Ireland Football Senior Championship Qualifying Rounds 2, 3 and 4.  
 
In addition to the live coverage, TV3 will broadcast a new look 'Championship Throw -In' from Friday May 29th.  TV3's Gaelic Games corerepsondent Kieran McSweeney and Sinead Kissane will be on the road travelling the country bringing the latest team news, views and action from the 2009 Championships.  
 
 Commenting at the launch today David McRedmond, TV3 CEO said: 'In the current economic climate, coming to the bithplace of the GAA is a great reminder of how far our national games have gone. TV3's coverage will take us all the way from Hayes Hotel to Croke Park for a brilliant summer of Gaelic Games.'  

Commenting on TV3's live matches Criostóir Ó Cuana, GAA President said: 'It ' s fitting that TV3 should journey to Thurles to celebrate the GAA ' s 125th Anniversary today ahead of what will be their second campaign as broadcast partners to the Association. This is where it all began for us as an Association back in 1884 and this summer Thurles will host more important GAA activity with Sunday ' s eagerly awaited GAA Hurling Championship meeting of Tipperary and Cork just one stand out fixture. We hope games such as this will help to illuminate the summer, especially in this milestone year for the Association and we look forward to working with TV3 in projecting a positive image of our games over the course of championship 2009 and beyond.'
 
 TV3 Championship Live Presenter Matt Cooper said:  ' I ' m
thrilled to be back with TV3 this year to host our coverage of what
promises to be some very exciting games. I really enjoyed working with
 a top team of analysts and producers last year, whose expertise added
 greatly to the viewer ' s enjoyment of the games and I ' m
 delighted that they are all back again this year. '
  
 TV3 GAA Fixtures 2009
 Date Match

Competition
7/6/2009 Kerry v Cork MSFC S/F
21/6/2009 Clare v Tipperary/Cork MSHC S/F
 28/6/2009 Dublin/Meath v Westmeath/Wicklow LSFC  
 5/7/2009 Munster Football Final MSFC
 5/7/2009 Leinster Hurling Final LSHC
 11/7/2009 Round 2 Qualifiers AISFC
 12/7/2009 Leinster Football Final LSFC
 18/7/2009 Round 3 Qualifiers AISFC
19/7/2009 Connacht Football Final CSFC
 25/26/7/2009 Round 4 Qualifiers AISFC
 

 

 

 

 

 

Senior Football League Table.

Leinster Leader Senior Football League Division 1 2009

 

Team 

Played

Won

Drew

Lost

Points

1

Moorefield

7

5

1

1

11

 

Round Towers

7

5

1

1

11

 

Leixlip

7

5

0

2

10

 

St Laurence's

6

4

2

0

10

 

Celbridge

7

4

1

2

9

 

Carbury

7

4

0

3

8

 

Ellistown

7

3

2

2

8

 

St Kevin's

7

4

0

3

8

 

Kilcock

6

2

3

1

7

 

Allenwood

7

1

4

2

6

 

Monasterevin

7

3

0

4

6

 

Sarsfields

8

3

0

5

6

 

Rathangan

7

1

3

3

5

 

Kilcullen

7

0

3

4

3

 

Maynooth

7

1

1

5

3

 

Johnstownbridge

7

0

1

6

1

 

 

 

Following the latest Round of League fixtures last night Sarsfields are now in 13th  position.  On Thursday 19th may the game against Carbury that was postponed due to the weather will be take place.

Sarsfields Fixtures for the coming Week.

 

Monday 25h of May Results: League Div 4 Sarsfields 3-13 Clane 2-4

Club Fixtures 19th- 25th of May

Wednesday May 25th

Under 14 Division 1 @ 7pm

Sarsfields V Ballyna

Camoige

Wednesday 27th of May @ 7pm

Sarsfields V Nurney **3rd Pitch

 

 

Thursday 28th of May

Senior Football Division 1 @ 7.30pm

Sarsfields V Carbury Main Pitch Pat O’Connell

Thursday 28th of May

Junior Hurling @ 7.30pm

Clane V Sarsfields

 Thursday May 28th

Under 10 Division 3 Hurling @ 10am*

Naas 4 V Sarsfields 3rd Pitch

 
Thursday May 28th

Under 10 Division 3 Hurling @ 10am

Naas 4 V Sarsfields 3rd Pitch

Ladies Football
 

 


Tuesday 2nd of June

Senior Football Division 5 @ 7.30pm

Sarsfields V Ellistown Main Pitch  Pat O’Connell



 

Leinster Senior Football Championship 2009.

 

DATE

VENUE

TIME

FIRST ROUND

 

Kildare 1-16  v Offaly 1-10

24.05.2009

Portlaoise

4.00pm

 

 

 

 

Longford v Wicklow

24.05.2009

Portlaoise

2.00pm

QUARTER-FINALS

 

 

 

Kildare/Offaly v Wexford

13.06.2009

Carlow/Tullamore

7.00pm

Louth v Laois

14.06.2009

Parnell Park

3.30pm

Longford/Wicklow v Westmeath

14.06.2009

Mullingar/Tullamore

2.00pm

Meath v Dublin

07.06.2009

Croke Park

4.00pm

SEMI-FINALS

 

 

 

Kildare/Offaly/Wexford v Carlow/Louth/Laois

28.06.2009

Croke Park

2.10pm

Longford/Wicklow/Westmeath v Meath/Dublin

28.06.2009

Croke Park

4.00pm

CRAOBH

12.07.2009

Croke Park

2.00pm

 

 

 

All-Ireland SFC Outright 2009 Odds

Friday 1st May 2009, 15:30

Outright Betting

 

 

 

 

Kerry

13/8

Donegal

50/1

Sligo

250/1

Tyrone

7/2

Westmeath

66/1

Louth

250/1

Dublin

15/2

Down

66/1

Longford

400/1

Cork

8/1

Laois

80/1

Antrim

500/1

Galway

14/1

Fermanagh

100/1

Wicklow

750/1

Derry

16/1

Wexford

100/1

Leitrim

750/1

Armagh

25/1

Limerick

125/1

Clare

2000/1

Mayo

25/1

Cavan

150/1

Waterford

2000/1

Meath

33/1

Offaly

200/1

Carlow

2500/1

Monaghan

33/1

Roscommon

200/1

New York

5000/1

Kildare

50/1

Tipperary

200/1

London      5000/1

 

Leinster SFC 2009 Odds

Friday 1st May 2009, 15:00

Outright Betting

 

 

 

 

Dublin

, 11/10

Westmeath

9/1

Longford

66/1

Meath

4/1

Wexford

16/1

Wicklow

100/1

Kildare

11/2

Offaly

40/1

Carlow

200/1

Laois

7/1

Louth

40/1

 

 

 

 



More Stupid Quotes.

'When you get that nice celebration coming into the dugout and
you're getting your ass hammered by guys, there's no better
feeling than to have that done.'
- Matt Stairs Professional Baseball Player

 

'I dunno. I never smoked any Astroturf.'
- Tug Mcgraw, after being asked if he preferred grass or
  Astroturf, he responded with this gem.

 

 

'The drivers have one foot on the brake, one on the clutch, and
one on the throttle.'
- Bob Varsha

 

'When I see someone who is making anywhere from $300,000 to
$750,000 a year, that's middle class.'
- Fred Heineman, former
Republic representative from North Carolina

 

'Bruce Sutter has been around for awhile and he's pretty old.
He's thirty-five years old. That will give you some idea of how
old he is.'
- Ron Fairley, Giants' broadcaster




 Strange/Bizarre/Quirkie News.

 

Shirtless in Seattle

VASSALBORO, Washington: Prosecutors will review a complaint that a
waitress from a Seattle topless doughnut shop was outside the
business without a shirt on.

The Central Washington Morning Sentinel says a state trooper was sent
to the Grand View Topless Coffee shop on Saturday after someone
called in a complaint. Police say no one was charged, but the
matter has been turned over to the district attorney for review.

It's unclear whether nudity outside the cafe is prohibited. Vassalboro had considered banning nudity altogether after the shop opened in February, but officials now are proposing to specifically regulate where, when and how such businesses may
operate. The revised ordinance comes up for a vote June 8.

 

Ghosts in the toilet

TOKYO  In a country where ghosts are traditionally believed to
hide in the loo, a Japanese company is advertising a new
literary experience  a horror story printed on toilet paper.

Each roll carries several copies of a new nine-chapter novella
written by Koji Suzuki, the Japanese author of the horror story
'Ring,' which has been made into movies in both Japan and
Hollywood. 'Drop,' set in a public toilet, takes up about three feet (90
centimeters) of a roll and can be read in just a few minutes,
according to the manufacturer, Hayashi Paper.

The company promotes the toilet paper, which will sell for 210
yen ($2.20) a roll, as 'a horror experience in the toilet.'

Toilets in Japan were traditionally tucked away in a dark cornerof the house due to religious beliefs. Parents would tease
children that a hairy hand might pull them down into the dark
pool below.

Alive in a Morgue

FRESNO, California.  A coroner in central California says his
county's morgue is so maggot infested that the larvae are
dropping from the ceiling. Fresno County Coroner David Hadden
gave a tour so the media could see the working conditions he
calls 'intolerable.'

He said the deteriorating WWII-era morgue is a perfect breeding
ground for flies and their offspring. It's in one of the hottest
counties in the state and lacks air conditioning.
Supervisor Judy Case says she's aware of the problems and pledges something will be done. She says she did not want to
approve finances before the state's special election Tuesday to
see what money Fresno has available.

 

True Story.

Mistaken Identity

(from Northwest Florida Daily News - 15 May 2006)

From the Northwest Florida Daily News comes this story of a Crestview couple who drove their car to Wal-Mart, only to have their car break down in the parking lot.

The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot. The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection, she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis. Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned private parts into glaringly public ones. Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand UP his shorts,
and tucked everything back into place. On regaining her feet, she looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by.

The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his forehead.

True Story 2


Footballer transferred for 15 kg of sausage meat

A Romanian football team is apparently demanding a refund after having bought a player for a transfer fee of 15 kilos of pork sausages. Defender Marius Cioara retired a day later saying he could not face any more sausage related taunts at his expense. Cioara, who played for second division team UT Arad, was sold to fourth division Regal Hornia for the sausage meat.

After the deal a spokesman for Regal Hornia confirmed, 'We gave up the team's sausage allowance for a week to secure him, but we are confident it will be worth it.' Howver, a day after the deal was leaked to the media, Cioara announced he was giving up football and had decided to flee the country.

Ananova the News agency reports that he said, 'The sausage taunts all got too much. They were joking but I would have got more from the Germans and making sausage jokes was a huge insult. I have decided to go to Spain where I have got a job on a farm.'

True Story 3

Leopards Can Spot You In The Dark

A leopard's vision is so good it can practically see in the
dark.

 

My, what big eyes you have Mr. Leopard. And the size of those
eyes, is why leopards are such superb, nocturnal hunters.

The size of the leopard's eye allows it to dilate beyond the
range of the human eye, or the eyes of their prey, letting in
the very lowest level light. They go undetected in the dark,
while still able to stalk a victim through visual contact.

Scientists attempting to study the nighttime habits of animals
like leopards, were frustrated in their research until the
development of infra-red cameras. To understand what allows
images to be captured on film in the dark, it helps to take the
five-second lesson in how 'light' works.

Light exists in waves of different lengths, which also provides
us with the range of colours we see. At the shorter end of the
spectrum, you have violet light, and at the longer end, there is
red. Light is absorbed by, and bounces off objects, giving
illumination that enters the eye and allows us to 'see'. There
are shorter and longer waves at both ends of the spectrum, all
of which are around us in everyday life, but invisible because
our eyes are incapable of picking them up.

Beyond the extreme end of the color spectrum that the human and
animal eye can see, is infra-red. While we can't see these light
waves, researchers were able to create film that was sensitive
to them, and thus able to record in total darkness. The benefit
of course, is that animal behaviorists can film leopards and
other animals in their natural nocturnal state, without alarming
or disturbing them.

The technology that made this possible, has also produced light
sensitive items ranging from night vision goggles, to alarm
systems.

 

 Is this the easiest quiz in the world?
1) Which country makes Panama hats?
2) How long did the Hundred Years War last?
3) From which animal do we get catgut?
4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?
6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?
7) What was King George VI's first name?
8) What colour is a purple finch?
9) What is the colour of the black box in a commercial airplane?
10) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?

Check your answers below.























Answers
1) Which country makes Panama hats?   Ecuador
2) How long did the Hundred Years War last?   116 years
3) From which animal do we get catgut?  Sheep and Horses
4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution? November

5
) What is a camel's hair brush made of?   Squirrel fur
6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal? Dogs
7) What was King George VI's first name?  Albert
8) What colour is a purple finch?  Crimson
9) What is the colour of the black box in a commercial airplane?  Orange
10) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?  New Zealand


Humour.

 

Kilted Out

 

A young lad went to a tailor shop in Scotland. He told the
tailor, 'I'd like ye to make me a kilt with this material here,
and if ye don't mind, I'd like ye to make me a pair of matching
underwear for it. I hear it gets a might drafty up dem tings.'

A few days later, the tailor called the lad back to the shop.
'Here's ye kilt, and here's ye matching underwear, and here's
five yards of material left over. Take it home and keep it in
case you want anything else made of it.' The lad rushed home and donned his kilt. He decided to run to
his girlfriend's house to show off his new purchase.

Unfortunately, in his excitement, he forgot to wear his
underwear.

When his girlfriend answered the door, he pointed to his kilt
and said, 'Well, what'd ye think?'

'Ah, but dat's a fine looking kilt,' she exclaimed. 'Aye, and if ye like it, y'ell really like what's underneath,'
he bragged as he lifted his kilt.

'Oh, but dat's a dandy,' his girlfriend shouted admiringly.

Still not realizing that he didn't have his underwear on, he
exclaimed quite proudly, 'Aye, and if ye like it, I've got five
more yards of it at home!'


Wonderful Threesome

 The newly wed wife said to her husband when he returned from work, 'I have great news for you. Pretty soon we're going to be three in this house instead of two.'
The husband started glowing with happiness and kissing his wife said, 'Oh darling, I'm the happiest man in the world.'
'I'm glad that you feel that way because tomorrow morning my mother moves in with us,' she replied.


Portsmouth v Southampton

A primary teacher starts a new job at a school in West Hampshire and, trying to make a good impression on her first day, explains to her class that she is a Southampton fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Saints fans. Everyone in the class raises their hand expect one little girl.

The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says: 'Mary, why didn't you raise your hand?'
'Because I'm not a Southampton fan,' she replied.

The teacher, still shocked, asked: 'Well if you're not a Saints fan, then who are you a fan of?'
'I'm a Portsmouth fan, and proud of it,' Mary replied.

The teacher could not believe her ears.
'Mary, why, pray tell, are you a Pompey fan?'
'Because my mum and dad are from Portsmouth, and my mum is a Pompey fan and my dad is a Pompey fan, so I'm a Pompey fan too!'

'Well,' said the teacher, in a obviously annoyed tone, 'that's no reason for you to be a Portsmouth fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all the time. What if your mum was a prostitute and you dad was a drug dealer and car thief, what what you be then?'

'Then,' Mary smiled, 'I'd be a Southampton fan.'


Cyanide Request

 

 

A woman walked into a drugstore and told the pharmacist she needed some cyanide right away. The pharmacist naturally was concerned by such a request and asked, 'Why in the world do you need cyanide?'

The woman then explained that she needed it to poison her husband. The pharmacist's eyes got big and he said, 'I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my license. They'll throw
both of us in jail and all kinds
of bad things will happen! Absolutely not—you cannot have any cyanide!'

The woman reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, 'Well, now. You didn't tell me you had a prescription.'



Great Female Combacks

 

 

Man 'Haven't we met before?'
Woman 'Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic.'

Man 'Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman 'Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.'

Man 'Is this seat empty?'
Woman 'Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.'

Man 'So, wanna go back to my place ?'
Woman 'Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?'

Man 'Your place or mine?'
Woman 'Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.'

Man 'I'd like to call you. What's your number?'
Woman 'It's in the phone book.'

Man 'But I don't know your name.'
Woman 'That's in the phone book too.'

Man 'So what do you do for a living?'
Woman 'I'm a female impersonator.'

Man 'What sign were you born under?'
Woman 'No Parking.'

Man 'Hey, baby, what's your sign?'
Woman 'Do not Enter'

Man 'How do you like your eggs in the morning?'
Woman 'Unfertilized'

Man 'Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason'
Woman 'Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!'

Man 'I'm here to fulfill your every sexual fantasy.'
Woman 'You mean you've got both a donkey and a Great Dane?'

Man 'I know how to please a woman.'
Woman 'Then please leave me alone.'

Man 'I want to give myself to you.'
Woman 'Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.'

Man 'I can tell that you want me.'
Woman 'Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you to leave.'

Man 'If I could see you naked, I'd die happy
Woman 'Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.'

Man 'Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots?'
Woman 'Sorry, I don't date outside my species..'

Man 'Your body is like a temple.'
Woman 'Sorry, there are no services today.'

Man 'I'd go through anything for you.'
Woman 'Good! Let's start with your bank account.'

Man 'I would go to the end of the world for you.'
Woman 'Yes, it’s a pity you wouldn’t go there and never return?



Small World

Two men were out playing golf on a nice Saturday afternoon.

They were getting frustrated, though, because the two women who were playing right in front of them were quite slow, and were holding up the men's game.

'Don't they know their supposed to let us play through?!' asked the first man.

The other man shook his head. 'I'm going to go ask them if we can play through,' said the first man, emphatically, 'Enough is enough!'

He started walking over toward the women, but as he got close, he suddenly turned around and came back, white as a ghost.

'Oh God,' he said to his friend, 'This is awful. You're going to have to ask those women if we can play through. You see, one of them is my wife, and the other is my mistress!'

The other man shrugged, and said 'No sweat.'

He walked over toward the women, and just as he was getting close, turned around and came running back to his pal. His eyes wide open, he said - 'Small world isn't it!

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