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Sarsfields Newsletter.

November 8, 2018

THE SASH March 3rd 2009

 

The Weekly Online Newsletter of Sarsfields GAA Club.

 

Sarsfields Fundraising Drive.

 

As part of Sarsfields fundraising drive in these straitened economic times new treasurer Shane Cambell has a formed a lotto committee to increase income from the Lotto. Already Anthony Brennan and Michael Ward have done tremendous work in helping to increase Lotto sales in the short time since the committee was set up. The Sarsfields executive committee would like to appeal to all members and supporters to get behind this fundraising drive whether you purchase a ticket here online via the newsletter and the website or through direct debit or through purchase from our lotto sellers. The bar committee are planning a number of functions in the coming months to increase revenue. It is planned to have regular music in the club. The first such occasion will be on St Patrick’s Day when there will be a meal for just €5 and music after the All Ireland Finals in Croke Park. To paraphrase John F Kennedy: Ask not what Sarsfields can do for you but what you can do for Sarsfields.

 

 

 

Leinster GAA News
Fitzgerald concerned over rule breaches


 
SEÁN MORAN

GAELIC GAMES: A SECOND provincial secretary has raised concerns about breaches of the GAA's new close-season regulations. Following on comments made by Connacht's John Prenty last week, his Munster counterpart, Pat Fitzgerald, echoes the theme in his report to next week's annual convention.

The close season was introduced last year and prohibits most inter county activity during November and December.

'Lots of anecdotal evidence would suggest that these new rules were totally ignored in some counties both at adult and under-age level,' according to Fitzgerald. 'Challenge games and training under the guise of trials were commonplace according to the man on the street.

'If this was the case then county officials must stand up and make sure that our rule book does not become something to be discarded when it suits us. Leadership within counties is what is required.

'If that fails, then all of us within the association must either ensure that these rules are rescinded or adhered to.'

Fitzgerald also defends the reintroduction of seeding into the provincial football championship after 17 years of the open draw.

'While the 'perceived weaker counties' called foul at this decision, maybe with some justification in their minds, the question must be asked why, despite many years of investment and work, these counties are still in that position. The answer must come from within these counties.' He also called on the GAA to 'examine the benefits of constant live TV coverage against the backdrop of tightening the ability of our counties to run their club competitions'.

Fitzgerald pledges that the Munster council will make greater numbers of family tickets available for its fixtures this year.

He also questions whether the inter-provincial competitions can survive given the tight scheduling of the modern fixture list and is critical of the lack of support the competition has received from officials.

'With the GAA intercounty games calendar stretching from January to September and club competitions already squeezed it is hard to see where a reasonable time slot can be found for the competition to survive. It was disappointing to see so few of our council members and county officers or indeed some of those who regularly shout loudest in favour of the retention of these competitions, in attendance at either the semi-finals held in Fermoy or the final in Portlaoise.'

Fitzgerald also expresses concern at the amount of time spent dealing with issues going to the GAA's independent arbitration forum, the Disputes Resolution Authority. 'I am restricted from commenting on the DRA as we currently have a case before it, but suffice it to say that much time is spent in dealing with these cases which could be more productively used for the benefit of the association.'

Meanwhile, Ulster secretary Danny Murphy in his report to annual convention is extremely critical of television coverage of the games within Northern Ireland. 'The position of television is a continuing cause for concern and the past year saw a very stressful involvement with the BBC. They covered most of the games, but except for the Ulster Championship there was a lack of organisation in how coverage was planned. Too often it was a last-minute decision that allowed games to be covered.

'Work is underway in attempting to find an acceptable formula, but it requires everyone to be actually interested in a solution, but, to date, the only people pursuing a solution are the GAA. The coverage, or lack of coverage, depending on your perspective, from UTV is alarming and it appears that they are effectively abandoning action coverage of Gaelic games.'

Murphy also calls for Australian Rules to be categorised as a competing sport. ' . . . we have observed with dismay the concerted efforts of the AFL clubs and their agents working to entice our best talent to join their game to the detriment of our association. We have blurred the position by choosing players from the AFL to play for our international team and we seem to be powerless to prevent a so-called partner from targeting our best talent.

'We are told that without this partnership things would be worse. I doubt it. The position of the GAA over the years is that we have had to live with other sports competing for our players, but it is something that we have largely succeeded in combating because we declared them as competitor sports. Why should the AFL be treated differently?'


Aldridge Cup.

Round three of the Aldridge Cup continues on Saturdaay at 3pm when Sarsfields take on Ellistown . With two wins under their belts Sarsfields wil be expected to qualify for the semi-final as Hugh Kenny continues to experiment. Yhe senior B team under new Manager Joe Murphy are also expected to make the semi final of the Dowling Cup when they meet Caragh.

 

Minor League

The minor League continues on Sunday at 11.30 with Sarsfields playing away to Naas  Division 1 while the second team are at home also against Naas in Division 4.

 

Sarsfields Fixtures for the coming Week.

Saturday March 8th Aldridge Cup Round 3: In Sarsfields Park at 3pm. Sarsfields V Ellistown 2nd Pitch. Dowling Cup Round 3: Sarsfields V Caragh 3pm 3rd pitch.

U16 Football League Division 1: Sarsfields V Kill. Sarsfields Park 4.30. U16 Division 4 Sarsfields v Rheban Sarsfields Park at 4.30.

Sunday March 8th. Minor Football League Division 1 Sarsfields V Naas in Naas. Division 4 Sarsfields V Naas in Sarsfields Park. Both games at 11.30am

Feile: Sarsfields v Clane In Clane at 11am.

Kildare V Wexford in St Conleth’s Park at 2.30.

 



 

Leinster U21 Football Championship.

 Well done  to Alan Barry and Sarsfield players Robbie Confrey and John Kavanagh and the Kildare team as they  beat Carlow by a margin of  19pts in the Quarterfinal of the Leinster championship. They will now meet old rivals Laois in semi-final on St Patricks day in Portlaoise. Robbie Confrey will now miss this game as he was harshly sent off in the second half..

 

 

Kildare’s National League Fixtures for 2009.

March 8th, Leinster finalists Wexford will be in St. Conleth's Park; March, 15th, Kildare are away to Monaghan; Sunday March 22nd; Kildare are at home to Armagh; Sunday March 29th, away to Fermanagh; and Sunday, April 12th away to Meath in the final league game. For those supporters planning the annual away trip the game against Fermanagh looks like the likely one.

 



 More Stupid Quotes.

 

'A proof is a proof. What kind of proof? It's a proof. A proof
is proof. And when you have a good proof, it's because it is
proven.'
- Former Canadian Prime Minister Jean Chrétien

 

'Be very careful about your cape. Don't use it for sexual high
jinks. It can get ugly--trust me. Also, be careful when
flushing.'
- Original Batman Adam West

 

'I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went
to.'
- Shaquille O'Neal, basketball player, on whether he had
  visited the Parthenon during his visit to Greece
 

 


Strange/Bizzare/Quirkie News.


Ten Unusual Accidents

Figures published by the Department of Health in England reveal a huge range of unusual accidents, which put people in hospital in 2004.  Here is just a small sample.  Odd accidents affect one million people.

1) Two people were admitted after being in contact with venomous spiders.  Both stayed in hospital for five days.  Coincidence or the nature of spider venom?

2) Twenty two people suffered from exposure to ignition or melting of nightwear, most of them men.  Does this mean that contrary to the male psyche, women do not wear nightwear?

3) 1,481 people, most of them children, were injured by hot drinks.  Most of the poor children required an overnight stay in hospital.

4) Two people needed five days of treatment after contact with centipedes or venomous millipedes.
What goes ninety nine bonk, ninety nine bonk?  Answer a centipede with a wooden leg.

5) 15 people were admitted after contact with a marine animal.  On average they needed an average of two days in hospital.

6) Four people had an average of two days' treatment after exposure to vibrations.

7) 1,839 people - fell out of trees.  No surprises that 80% of the injuries were to children.

8) 4,533 people fell when using ice-skates, skis, roller-skates or skateboards. 57% of them were under 15.

9) One boy needed an overnight stay after being 'bitten or struck' by an alligator. (By comparison, 3,508 people were bitten or struck by dogs.)

10) One child was admitted to hospital after 'prolonged stay in a weightless environment'. He or she did not stay overnight. There are no further details about who this person was or how they had come to need treatment.

 Cup size has more than one meaning at a new
central Maine coffeehouse.

Servers are topless at the Grand View Topless Coffee Shop, which
opened its doors Monday on a busy road in Vassalboro. A sign
outside says, 'Over 18 only.' Another says, 'No cameras, no
touching, cash only.'

On Tuesday, two men sipped coffee at a booth while three topless
waitresses and a bare-chested waiter stood nearby. Topless
waitress Susie Wiley said men, women and couples have stopped
by.

The coffee shop raised the ire of dozens of residents when it
went before the town planning board last month. Town officials
said the coffee shop met the letter of the law.

 

Pot Smoking Cat

A man who tried to cool out his hyper cat by
stuffing her into a boxlike homemade bong faces cruelty charges
and catcalls from animal lovers. Lancaster County sheriff's
deputies responding to a domestic disturbance call Sunday
alleged they saw 20-year-old Acea Schomaker smoking marijuana
through a piece of garden hose attached to a duct-taped,
plastic glass box in which the cat had been stuffed.
 
'This cat was just dazed,' Sgt. Andy Stebbing said. 'She was on
the front seat of the cop car, wrapped in a blanket, and never
moved all the way to the humane society.'

Schomaker told deputies 6-month-old Shadow was hyper and he was
trying to calm her down. The contraption she had been stuffed
inside was 12 inches by 6 inches. Shadow was timid but in good
condition Monday at the Capital Humane Society, executive
director Bob Downey said.


 
Sports Quirkies.

Team is ref's nightmare

An Italian football team is a referee's nightmare - because every single player has the same surname.

Everyone in the squad - which plays in one of Italy's amateur leagues - shares the name De Feo.

And the coach, secretary, doctor and all 12 sponsors of the Team De Feo club, in Serino, southern Italy, also have the same name.

Just to add to the confusion, the team's ground is located on Raffaele De Feo street in the town.

The team was set up by former Serie A player Maurizio De Feo, 44, who he says he is going to talk to Guinness World Records officials to see if the team can claim a world record.

Locals also say he is unlikely to run out of De Feo players to fill the team any time soon.

One said: 'The name De Feo is as common in this region as Jones is in Wales.'

Cricket 'invented in Belgium'

New academic research claims cricket is not an English invention after all - but was imported from Belgium.

A poem thought to have been written in 1533 has been uncovered, which suggests the game originates from Flanders.

Attributed to John Skelton, it describes Flemish weavers as 'kings of crekettes' and also mentions 'wickettes', reports the BBC.

Paul Campbell, of the Australian National University, says the discovery proves the game is anything but English.

The long established theory is that cricket evolved from English children's games. The first definitive references to the game appeared in England in the 1600s, when fines were handed out for those missing church to play.

Mr Campbell's research was based on earlier investigations by Heiner Gillmeister, a linguist from the University of Bonn.

He is certain cricket cannot have started in England: 'There is no way to relate the term to any existing English word,' he told the BBC.

'I was brought up with Flemish children and I know the language well. I immediately thought of the Flemish phrase 'met de krik ketsen' which means to 'chase a ball with a curved stick'.'

Cricket historian David Frith said: 'It is hard to deny that this is a breakthrough. This discovery points to an addition to the great history of cricket. It's exciting we haven't yet written the final word on it.

'It does make you wonder why Belgium isn't playing Test cricket though, doesn't it?'

True Story.

Toponymy

The study of unusual place names is called Toponymy.  Have you ever lived in a place with a strange name?   What happens is that everyone who lives there becomes oblivious of the names amusing connotation.  Another common occurrence is that people in the area refer to the place with a strange pronunciation.  For example, there is a  village in Cornwall called Mousehole.  Did people pronounce it Mouse Hole?  No, they refer to it as Mousle, the aitch is silent.

 
Curious Name Places Located in the USA

Paradox, strange as it may seem, is in New York
Crapo, unfortunately for them is in Maryland
Boogertown, is happily in North Carolina
Hellhole, is depressingly to be found in Idaho
Purgatory, is sadly in Maine
Volcano, an explosive place in Hawaii
Needmore, is in the greedy state of Arkansas
Hardup, is in the poor [you must be joking} state of Utah
Rudeville, surprisingly perhaps is in New Jersey
Boring, can be found in Oregon [I wonder if it is?]
Hell, is in Michigan [Some other places too, I suspect]
Hooker, can be found in California [And other places too]
Virgin, is a place in Utah
Dulls Corner, is in Maryland [Do they wear pointy hats there?]
Bowlegs, is amusingly in Oklahoma
Beersville, is a fine town in Pennsylvania
Fleatown, is an itchy place in Ohio
Burnt Corn, can be seen in Alabama
Two Guns, famously in Arizona
Toad Suck, is a found in Arkansas
A Monkey's Eyebrow, is based in Arizona

Curious Name Places Located in Britain

Ugley in Essex [What a pity; is there an Ugley Women's Institute or Working men's Club, in the town?]
Pratts Bottom in Kent [Even more so]
Great Snoring in Norfolk
Little Snoring in Norfolk [which would you prefer to live in?]
Beer in Devon [Possible retirement place for Will?]
Giggleswick in Yorkshire
Maggots End in Hertfordshire [Ugh]
Great Cockup in Cumbria
World's End can be found in Berkshire and again near Birmingham [Lovely pub/restaurant in the place near Denmead, Hampshire]
Blubberhouses in Yorkshire [Visited there once says Will]
Catbrain near Bristol
Crank in Merseyside [Probably more than one]
Hole in the Wall near Ross-on-Wye, Herefordshire [Visited a pub named that in Caernarfon, North Wales, once or twice say Guy and Will]
Idle near Bradford, Yorkshire [Fancy belonging to the Idle Men's Working Club]
Lilliput near Bournemouth, Dorset [Full of little people?]
Mumps in the Greater Manchester area [Sounds painful]
Piddlehinton in Dorset [There are several names like this based around The
River Piddle - true].  
There is also a Wyre Piddle in Worcestershire.
Pity Me in Durham [OK]


True Story 2.






Doctors in Canada use an adhesive similar to Krazy Glue instead
of stitches, lowering the possibility of bacterial infection and
minimizing scarring.

Krazy Glue a Cut Above Other Adhesives?

Since the first glue factory opened in Boston, Massachusetts,
way back in 1807, the sticky stuff has been used for every
conceivable purpose known to man, and then some. The latest, of
course, is surgical adhesives that seal incisions without those
unsightly bits of catgut hanging out everywhere. But what do you
do with those pesky paper cuts you get at the office?

You can either slap on a band-aid that never quite seems to keep
the cut closed, or go 'au naturel' and have it continue to open
and sting, or you can haul out the Krazy Glue, and in a couple
of seconds, forget it ever happened.

The idea for using hydrocarbon-based ethyl cyanocrytate resin
adhesives, a.k.a. Krazy Glue, as a repair for cuts, apparently
originated out of necessity, during the Viet Nam war era, when
medics were faced with open cuts, and neither the time, nor
proper materials for suturing.

Applying the glue seals the lips of an open cut, allowing the
dermal and epidermal cells to form their own bridges, and heal
the wound. Doctors who are proponents of using it for home
accidents note that it's not useful for things such as scrapes,
which are large, open areas, and which heal from the inside out.

The makers of Krazy Glue however, are quick to remind consumers
that they do not market it for medical purposes, and in fact,
the labels warn against touching it to skin.

Some people are highly allergic to the ingredients, and it takes
either acetone or extended softening in soap and water to get it
off. Not to mention, should you seal a cut on your finger, and
feel the urge to scratch your nose, things could get more than a
little sticky.

 
 
 

True Story 3

What's In A Name?
 
ABBA got their name by taking the first letter from each of
their names (Agnetha, Bjorn, Benny, Anni-frid.)

 
 
All of the members of ABBA, had some experience with music prior
to forming their own group. Benny Andersson, and Bjorn Ulvaeus
would cross paths in the late 1960s, and finding common
interests, began writing songs together. Each of them continued
on with their own bands, and it would be Bjorn's group 'The
Hootenanny Singers' which brought him together with a young
talent, Agnetha Faltskog. They married in 1971, in Sweden's
version of a celebrity ceremony. Anni-frid Lyngstad would meet
up and become a couple with Benny, and so the four came
together, all of them musical, but going their own ways.

Benny and Bjorn's entry in the major Eurovision Song Contest in
1972, won them a third place. With the feedback from that, they
decided to take another crack at writing and this time
performing their entry for 1973, a song titled 'Ring, Ring',
which again placed third. But this time it was performed by the
group 'Bjorn, Benny, Agnetha and Frida' (Frida being Anni's
nickname).

They went on to record a moderately successful album under the
song title, which was a lot shorter than the group's name. That
was when Benny decided to shorten it to the first letters of
their names: A, B, B, A. Their entry in the contest for 1974,
was the now famous 'Waterloo', which won first place for ABBA.

But before taking the name on the road, they had to negotiate
permission with a Swedish canning company of the same
name...which sold fish.


Humour

 

Mental Test

Jon and Dan are in a mental institution which has an annual
contest that picks two of the best patients and gives them two
questions. If they answer correctly, they are released.

Jon is called into the doctor's office first. The doctor says,
'Jon, what would happen if I poked out one of your eyes?'

Jon says, 'I'd be half blind.'

'That's correct. What would happen if I poked out both your
eyes?' 'I'd be completely blind.' The doctor tells him that he is free
to go. On Jon's way out he tells Dan the questions and answers.

The doctor asks Dan, 'What would happen if I cut off one of your
ears?'

Dan says, 'I'd be half blind.'

The doctor, slightly puzzled, continues, 'What would happen if I
cut off both your ears?'

'I'd be completely blind.'

'Dan, how can you explain that you'd be blind?' asks the doctor.

'Well,' replies Dan, 'my hat would fall over my eyes.'



 

American and Welsh Farmers.

An American farmer was on holiday in Wales.  He could not resist exploring the hill farms north of Aberystwyth.  At lunch time he dropped into a pub and fell into easy conversation with a Welsh farmer.

'How big is your spread?', asked the American.  'Well look you, it's about 20 acres he said'.  Only 20 acres the American responded, back in Texas I can get up at sunrise, saddle my horse and ride all day, when I return at supper time, I'll be lucky to cover half my farm'.  'Dew dew', said the Welshman, 'I once had horse like that, but sent him to the knackers yard.'

A Welshman, an Englishman and a Irishman were being chased by
Farmer Giles with a shotgun. After 10 minutes of running they
spotted a barn and ran inside.

Once inside they each hid in a old sack against the barn wall.
The farmer went into the barn but did not see where they went,
he was about to turn back when he saw three suspicious looking
sacks. He walked forward and prodded the first sack with his
gun.

The Englishman inside said... 'Meow'. 'Just cats,' he thought.

He then prodded the second sack. The Irishman, hearing how the
Englishman got off said... 'Woof'. 'Just dogs,' he thought.

As he walked towards the last sack, the Welshman worked out what
he was going to say. As soon as the farmer prodded his sack he
said... 'Potatoes!'

 

Madonna, Britney and Christina.

Due to a mix-up on Grammy night, Madonna, Britney Spears and
Christina Aguilera are forced to share a private jet in order to
arrive in time for the ceremony.

Once up in the air, Madonna pulls out a $1000 bill and says,
'I'm going to throw this $1000 bill out the window and make
someone down below very happy.'

Not to be outdone, Britney ripped a $1000 bill in half and threw
it out the window, saying, 'Look, I just made two people really
happy.'

Not even noticing Britney's stupid move, Christina bragged,
'Look, I'm going to throw 1000 $1 bills and make a lot more
people a little happier.'

At this point the pilot, who has overheard all this bragging and
can't stand it anymore, comes out and says, 'I think I'll throw
all three of you out of this plane and make 250 million people
happy.'

Overheard In Dublin

Solution to poverty

Was sitting at home with my housemate watching the Telly when the advert for concern comes on. You know the one, the child that has to walk 10 miles a day just for a bucket of water?...
Anyway, we watch in silence, and when the ad ends my housemate turns to me and says... 'Jeysus... if it takes them that long to walk for water, you'd think they would move closer, wouldn't ya?
'

See through windows

Overheard in Blackrock

Girl 1: 'I did'nt know you could see through aluminium'
Girl 2: 'Ya can't ya muppet'
Girl 1: 'Ya f**kin can'
Girl 2: 'Ya f**kin can't'
Girl 1: 'Did ya never hear of aluminium windows'?


Fire fighters and the dead horse

A member of the Dublin Fire Brigade went back to the station after a call in Finglas where a Horse had been hit by a joyrider and killed. To stop the horse bleeding and to help with the clean up it is common practice to cover the wounds with soil to soak up the blood.

As the lads got to the scene, the station officer told them to go into a garden and dig up some soil to cover the animal.

As soon as they went into a garden, the owner, a lady in her 50s ran out the door and started to shout at the lads.

'you’re not bleedin  buryin that thing in my garden!'

 

And that concludes today’s lesson in customer relations

 

Office temp to office employee: 'Is it ok if I sit at your desk during your lunch hour? I can answer your phone for you?'
Office employee: 'Work away but don't bother with the calls, I never answer it anyway. It'll stop eventually.'

 

D4's new political correspondent

A man was buying a present for his girlfriend in a posh jewellers on Grafton Street. He mentioned to the sales assistant who was a posh D4 type girl that they were getting married and off on their honeymoon to South Africa,
Conversation went like this

Posh D4 sales assistent : 'Oh South Africa my aunt is just back from a holiday in Cape Town. Ohmygod she loved it but so much poverty.'

Me: 'Yes there is a huge divide between the wealthy and the poor in South Africa'

Posh D4 sales assistant: 'yea .. just like the northside, southside divide in Dublin'

 

Room Service

A man was queuing for an ATM on Henry Street beside a doorway where 2 homeless men were sitting on their sleeping bags and just chatting away.

As he reached the top of the queue, a street sweeper was coming up the street towards us, pushing the sweeping machine and heading straight towards us.

One of the homeless men turned to the other and said 'Ah look, here comes room service...'

.

 


Contributors Required

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