THE SASH Tue  10th February 2009

The Weekly Online Newsletter of Sarsfields GAA Club.

Minor League

The minor League postponed due to the bad weather at the Weekend will be played this Sunday February 15th at 11.30 with the Minor A team at home to Leixlip in Dicision 1 and the B team away to Nurney in Division 4.

Aldridge Cup.

 The postponed Aldrige Cup has been rescheduled for this Saturday.Hugh Kenny makes his Sarsfields managerial debut in the Aldridge Cup which takes place in Sarsfields park at 2pm against St.Laurence’s 

National Football League Division 2:Kildare 0-18 Laois 1-8

Kildare got their National league campaign off to the best possible start against Laois in Portlaoise on Sunday last with an impressive second half display turning a two point second half deficit into a 7 point winning margin which they fully deserved.

Kildare dominated throughout the game and had it not being for their first half misses; 11in total the wining margin would have been greater.

            Dermot Earley had a magnificent start to the season with his trademark high fielding, excellent reading of the game, distribution and contributed  2 points while second half  substitute Alan Smith scored 1 point and caused the Laois defence all sorts of problems for the remainder of the game. Kildare were physically superior to a mainly lighter Laois team.. However as Manager Ciaran McGeeney said in a post match interview it’s too early to be getting carried away. Nevertheless two point s away from home is a bonus especially as Kildare now face a tough assignment against Cork who had an impressive win over Meath, in St Conleth’s Park on Sunday week the 15^th February. 2 points after the first game is exactly half of Kildare’s total for last year’s Division one campaign. Another couple of wins would guarantee survival in the division. But McGeeney and Kildare’s ambition will be to go beyond survival and make it to the top two ensuring a league final place. A difficult task but not an impossible one as Kildare progress under Ciaran McGeeney  continues on a upward curve.

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Club Registration

Registration takes place this weekend, Friday 7-9pm, Saturday 10-1pm. Can all managers inform players please. Membership is €70 per couple, €60 single, €35 students and unemployed and €20 for underage players. All players must be registered.

Sarsfields Fundraising Draw.

1. Car___________________ A&E Heating Alan Barry
2. Holiday Voucher__________ Conor Brophy
3. 46” Flat Screen television__ Pierce Freaney
4. 1000 Euro Cash___________ Marcella Murphy

Well done to our 4 winners and thanks to all who took part in the draw.

Leinster U21 Football Championship.

 Due to the bad weather the postponed Leinster U21 football  Championship between Wexford and Kildare has been rescheduled for Wexford Park at 2.30 on Sunday 22^nd February.

Best wishes to Alan Barry and the Kildare teeam on Sunday as they se out in defence of their Leinster title.

Minor Football League

The minor  football league begins this Sunday 8^th February at 11.30

MFL DIV 1:Sarsfields V Leixlip

MFL DIV 4 Nurney V Sarsfields

Underage Disco

Underage disco for 1st, 2nd and 3rd years this Friday from 8-11pm. If anybody is available to help supervise please contact Lisa ph. 085-7382043. Thanks to everybody who helped with last Friday’s disco.

 Kildare’s National League Fixtures for 2009.

On Sunday, Feb 15th, Kildare are host to Cork; Sunday, March 8th, Leinster finalists Wexford will be in St. Conleth’s Park; March, 15th, Kildare are away to Monaghan;  Sunday March 22nd,  Kildare are at home to Armagh; Sunday March 29th, away to Fermanagh; and Sunday, April 12th away to Meath in the final league game. For those supporters planning the annual away trip the game against Fermanagh looks like the likely one.

Leinster GAA News
 
McCarthy should do decent thing and resign

 
By Tony Considine
HAVE GAA administrators got too much power? Reading the statement by the Cork players (which, by the way, contains a lot of stuff that I already said here a couple of months ago), that’s the question that really jumps out at me.

It’s a question that’s reinforced by what’s been happening generally in this society anyway over the last few years, with all the problems we now have in our financial institutions, in our civil service, in our health service, in our government – too much power invested in too few people, with those people then making too many poor decisions, with the people who most matter then suffering the most.

That’s what has happened in Cork. That is what has led to this current mess. The people who matter most here are the Cork players and the Cork supporters, but their wishes have been ignored by the administrators, the executive members of the Cork County Board.

I wasn’t at that meeting Monday night where the Cork panel of 2008 – the whole Cork panel, let it be noted, and we’ll come back to that – met the media. But I’ve heard people commenting about how dignified the players were, how intelligent, how sincere.

Does that surprise anyone? Why should it even be worthy of comment? Isn’t that exactly what we’ve come to expect from these Cork players? Because of my involvement with the Examiner over that period, I’ve met many of those lads, and I’ve always been impressed. everywhere they’ve gone, on and off the field, they’ve brought credit to hurling. As far as I’m concerned, they still do.

People were saying the youngsters on this panel were being influenced by the more experienced players – well, why not? What better role models could they have than the likes of Seán Óg Ó hAilpín, Donal Óg Cusack and the O’Connor twins?

These older guys are outstanding role models, hard-working, disciplined, totally dedicated to Cork, and to winning. What more can you ask? But, have the younger players been bullied by those older players? When you meet and talk to guys like Shane O’Neill, Kevin Hartnett, like Cathal Naughton, when you see them hurl, do you really think all those guys don’t have minds of their own? After Monday night, no-one can be in any doubt – these guys are their own men.

Which brings me to an important point. One of the main planks of the whole Cork management team was that many of the younger members of the panel wanted to play but were being intimidated by the older guys, with Gerald McCarthy, Teddy McCarthy and others, along with the board itself, all saying issuing their own statements along those lines.

An insult, surely, to every member of the Cork panel, but a theory – and that’s all it ever was, presented as fact but not a shred of proof ever offered – that has now, surely, been blown out of the water. All 30 players from last year’s panel were there last night, all 30 stood up, all were counted. They were there ready to answer any question, by any journalist, however sceptical. Can anyone now doubt that these guys are genuinely together on this? Can anyone doubt any longer their sincerity? Can anyone doubt that they are really finished with Gerald McCarthy? The top 30 hurlers in Cork last year; that means that after two years under his system the two top teams in Cork don’t want to play for this manager – what does that tell you?

Surely to God it’s time for the Cork county board to listen to those players, to listen to the Cork fans, who are now making themselves heard in no uncertain terms? What in the name of God is Gerald still doing as manager, when he hasn’t lost just one dressing-room, he has lost two?

Even if the Cork county board doesn’t move now, he should do the decent thing himself, and quit.

This has now reached crisis point, and there’s only one resolution. If these players are lost to Cork, and to hurling, it will be a major loss, but if those supporters are lost to Cork, and lost to hurling, it might do irreparable damage.

THE Cork supporters – and I’ve long said this – are among the best in sport. In these recessionary times, the Cork administrators are taking a huge risk with that support, and not just for Cork – for all of hurling. If those fans stop supporting Cork, then the financial ramifications are huge, for the GAA itself and for all those venues where Cork get to play.

Ask the merchants of Thurles, or of Killarney, or of Limerick, what those Cork fans are like, and they’ll tell you – the best. They come early, they stay late, they give their team unstinting support, and they give generously to the local shops, pubs and restaurants. All that is now at risk.

The players have called on the clubs to get involved in this. I believe that whenever major decisions are called for within a county, then the individual clubs should be represented by their own top officials – by their own chairman, by their own secretaries, by people who have already shown their own authority and won’t be bullied by anyone.

I agree with the stance of the players on this – it’s time for the individual clubs to stand up and be counted. If their delegates won’t do it, then let it be done by the chairmen, let democracy take hold here. For too long the top officials at the top table at the county board have it their own way – time to change that, time to take back some of the decision-making, make the whole thing much more democratic, much more transparent.

To finish, I want to say this. Many of us have been managers, at various levels, and most of us have had our difficulties with individual players, even with groups of players. However, when 30 players – when your entire panel – say they don’t want you, say they won’t play for you, isn’t it time to go?

If that doesn’t happen in Cork, if Gerald doesn’t resign now, by himself, without waiting for this get even worse, then even Boutros Boutros-Ghali wouldn’t solve it.

Cork cuteness? There’s been nothing cute about this, definitely not from the Cork county board.

Time for change.

 More Stupid Quotes.

‘Was it you or your brother who was killed in the war?’
– Reverend William Spooner, of Oxford, England (for whom the
  ‘Spoonerism’ is named)

‘If I die before my cat, I want a little of my ashes put in his
food so I can live inside him.’
– Drew Barrymore

‘My vision is to make the most diverse state on earth, and we
have people from every planet on the earth in this state. We
have the sons and daughters of every, of people from every
planet, of every country on earth.’
– Former California Gov. Gray Davis, during the campaign  

To move cabin, push button of the wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press the number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by natural order. Button retaining pressed position shows received command
Elevator Instructions, Madrid, Spain

Keep a stiff upper chin.
Samuel Goldwyn

This book has too much plot and not enough story.
Samuel Goldwyn

You’ve got to take the sour with the bitter.
Samuel Goldwyn

We’ve got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?
Lee Iacocca

I was under medication when I made the decision to burn the tapes.
Richard Nixon, US President

I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version. Colonel
Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony

Ladies are requested not to have children at the bar. sign in a
Norwegian cocktail lounge

We’ve been working on the basics because, basically, we’ve been having trouble with the basics.
Bob Ojeda, baseball pitcher

It is beyond my apprehension.
Danny Ozark, baseball team manager, regarding his team’s losing streak

Seafood brought in by customers will not be entertained.
Restaurant sign in Langkawi, Malaysia

At present there are such goings-on that everything is at a standstill.
Sir Boyle Roche

P.S. If you do not receive this, of course it must have been miscarried; therefore I beg you to write and let me know.
Sir Boyle Roche

‘We have a lot of kids who don’t know what works means. They
think work is a four-letter word.’
– Sen. Hillary Clinton (D-NY), speaking to the U.S. Chamber of
  Commerce

Strange/Bizzare/Quirkie News.

 The World’s Dumbest

1Germany’s long-held image as a peaceful Utopia has been
tarnished by an acrimonious divorce. After bitter divorce
proceedings, 40-year-old Uwe of Brandenburg found that he had
lost everything but his lederhosen knickerbockers. Among other
possessions, the settlement demanded that Uwe turn over
ownership of his house to his newly-estranged wife, Verena.

Enraged by his 37-year-old wife’s unmitigated legal victory, the
forty-year-old man decided to follow the sage advice of an
obscure German proverb: ‘If life gives you lemons, burn them.’
Descending into the basement with his trusty drill, Uwe
proceeded to bore several holes into a rather large oil tank. He
then set fire to the fuel as it poured in erratic streams onto
the floor. To his delight, the entire basement was engulfed in
flames within seconds.

His joy turned to ashes, however, when he realized that he was
now in the middle of a Hindenburg-sized house fire. Despite a
valiant effort to save himself, Uwe died in the flames of his
own vengeance. Verena got the last laugh, which acquaintances
described as ‘maniacal.’

2 Baldwin Street in Dunedin is listed as the steepest in the world
in The Guinness Book of World Records, and it was at the top of
this 38-degree incline that Ana and her friend hatched a plan
for a midnight downhill slide. The two university students
dragged a two-wheeled rubbish bin up the street, climbed in,
shoved off, and down they went in their makeshift sleigh.

As they hurtled pell-mell down Baldwin Street in the wee hours
of the morning, residents described being awakened by ‘a hell of
a racket’ which went on for some time before ending with a
sickening crash. Their 50-meter dash ended precipitously when
the rubbish bin slammed into a legally parked trailer. Ana, 19,
was killed instantly, and her co-pilot suffered serious head
injuries.

3 The game of Russian Roulette, long a breeding ground for natural
selection, was improved upon by two men with a unique approach
to self-destruction.

On New Year’s Eve, Antonio and his friend were befogged by
Pinga, a traditional Brazilian liquor, when they began playing a
Russian Roulette variant using holiday fireworks. Their version
of the game consisted of placing fireworks in their mouths, then
lighting the fuses and competing to see who would delay longest
before spitting out the firework.

The man, dare we call him ‘winner,’ who discarded the explosive
closest to the point of detonation was the victor of this battle
of wills.

Their blatant disregard for personal safety was matched only by
their foolish bravery. Antonio was our winner, holding one of
the fireworks in his mouth a bit too long, and thereby
earning praise for his ‘courage’ at his funeral.

 

Burglars who stole half-eaten cans of food from a house returned their haul the next afternoon – with a note saying sorry.

The thieves took plastic pots of baked beans, butter, tuna and half-baked bread, alongside computer games, a computer console controller, DVDs and a sat-nav.

But they left behind a laptop computer, TV, and Xbox console during the raid on a house in Norwich, reports the Daily Telegraph.

Less than 24 hours later, the stolen items were returned with a letter saying: ‘Sorry for taking this stuff – very, very drunk and stupid.’

Jess King, 22, who shares the house with friends Andy Walker, 24, Rachael Storr, 22 and Lawrence Simms, 21, said they were ransacked late one night after accidentally leaving the door open.

She said: ‘When we got up, Andy noticed his cereal missing from the cupboard and then he opened the fridge and it was completely empty.

‘It was really eerie – no food was spilt and all the cupboard doors were closed, but the fridge and cupboards were empty.’

Ms Kingh said she was stunned when the goods were brought back and left on the doorstep in plastic bags with the note attached.

‘I am glad those responsible did the right thing and returned what they stole,’ she said.

‘But even if it was a prank they still entered our house uninvited, stole food and pawed their way through our home selecting silly objects they could steal. It makes me angry and uneasy.’

Student Fakes Insanity- For Art Project

A modern art student stunned doctors by pretending to be mad so she’d be sent to a psychiatric hospital – as part of her degree show.

Anna Odell, 35, convinced police she was psychotic after faking a suicide attempt jumping off a bridge in the Swedish capital Stockholm.

It took eight staff to restrain her at nearby St Goran’s hospital where the artist kicked, screamed and spat in nurses’ faces until she was sedated and strapped down.

But furious doctors discharged her the next morning when she told them the stunt had been part of an art project for her final degree show at Sweden’s University College of Arts.

Police are investigating complaints of assault, violence against public servants and wasting police time.

Chief physician David Eberhard said: ‘It’s not only disgraceful that she used our resources, but what she also did to other patients, the staff – to everyone – is shameless.

‘She and the head of her college ought to cut their hair and get real jobs.’

Ms Odell insisted: ‘It was well thought through and no joke.’

Couple Bridge age Gap Through Art

A 73-year-old woman and her 35-year-old husband are to open one of the world’s smallest cinemas in their back garden.

Edna and Simon Martin hope the 17-seater picture house behind their terrace house will attract local film enthusiasts, reports the Daily Telegraph.

The couple insist that their ‘artistic temperaments’ mean their relationship does not suffer despite their 38-year age gap.

The cinema, called the Savoy Lounge, will show silent films from the 20s and 30s to which Mr Martin will play the accompanying music on his restored Compton organ.

The couple, who married four years ago, invited a small group of friends for their first organ concert last week and hope to open the cinema within the next few months.

‘It has been Simon’s dream all his life to own a Compton organ,’ said Mrs Martin, a grandmother, from Weston-super-Mare, Somerset. ‘He really becomes quite a showman in front of an audience.’

The couple will not be able to charge an admission fee because it is not a licensed venue. But they are hoping for donations to help pay for their overheads.

Sports Quirkies.

A boxing champion has revealed he uses his son’s wet nappies to keep his fists from swelling up.

Ukrainian Vitali Klitschko told German newspaper Bild that he used the wet nappies after winning his WBC heavyweight title bout against Nigeria’s Samuel Peter.

Klitschko said he wrapped them around his hands and it helped him recover.

‘Baby wee is good because it’s pure, doesn’t contain toxins and doesn’t smell,’ the 37-year old boxer said.

‘I wrap nappies filled with my three-year-old son Max’s wee around my fists,’ he said, adding he got the idea from his grandmother.

‘The nappies hold the liquid and the swelling stays down.’

The British singer who sang the Croatian anthem before last night’s match accidentally sang ‘My penis is a mountain’.

Tony Henry was trying to sing the national anthem in Croatian, but reportedly got the words wrong.

Fans say the mispronounciation helped the players relax before the game at Wembley where Croatia beat England 3-2.

The national anthem is written in old style Croatian, and there can be slightly different interpretations in English because it is a very lyrical language.

The line in which Henry slipped up should have been ‘mila kuda si planina’ (You know my dear how we love your mountains).

But what he actually sang was ‘mila kura si planina’ which means ‘Dear Penis, you are a Mountain’ or ‘My Dear, my penis is a mountain’.

Croat players like Manchester City’s Vedran Corluka and Arsenal target Luka Modric started looking at each other and grinning when they realised what he was singing.

Croat fan websites have been calling for Henry to be given a medal of honour for helping the players relax, they also want him made an official team mascot for the tournament.

Mate Prlic, publisher of the top Croatian footballing Torcida Magazine said: ‘It would be great if Tony Henry could join the Croatian team and fans at the European Championship in Austria and Switzerland.

‘He obviously relaxed the Croatian players before the match at Wembley and if that’s a winning combination why not invite him to join the team at Euro 2008 to keep the winning streak going.’

A 72-year-old Dorset man is celebrating his 60th year of non-league football.

Dickie ‘Dixie’ Borthwick has taken to the field every year since he was 12, reports the Daily Mail.

And he has no plans to hang up his boots and will play on until his knees give up on him.

‘I have lost a bit of pace and can’t run as much as I used to but I am still quick in the mind and that’s what counts,’ he said.

‘I don’t feel like I am in my 60th season. I still feel young at heart and feel like I can go on for a few years yet.’

Amazingly, he has never once been booked or sent off: ‘I am a clean player and I believe in playing hard but fair,’ he said.

Mr Borthwick, a retired engineer from Weymouth, began his footballing career at the age of 12 when he played for Invergordon Academy in the Scottish Highlands.

He went on to play for Ross County and then Invergordon Town before his family moved to Dorset.

He played for a total of 11 non-league clubs, including Sherborne Town, and joined his current team Wyke Rangers 30 years ago.

True Story.

In 1631, two London bible printers accidentally left the word
‘not’ out of the seventh commandment, which then read, ‘Thou
shalt commit adultery.’ This legendary book is now known as the
‘Wicked Bible.’

Bible Boners

The book that has enjoyed more sales over the centuries than any
other, is of course, the ‘Good Book’ or the Bible. In an era
when literacy was not widely spread, printing of the Bible took
precedence over many other kinds of books or materials. But in
the 1600s, it was still a relatively new ‘art’, and their
proofreaders were not all that literate themselves. In the
1630s, King Charles I ordered 1,000 copies of the King James
Version from an English printer by the name of Robert Barker.

They were duly delivered and had begun distribution when someone
noticed a teensy error in Exodus 20:14, where it appeared that
people were now being directed ‘Thou shall commit adultery’, the
‘not’ having been left out. In a rage, Charles recalled all the
copies, fined Barker 300 pounds, the equivalent of a lifetime of
earnings, and Barker went broke. This quirky edition went on to
become known as the Wicked Bible, which did not amuse King
Charles in the least. Today, there are only some 11 copies left
in existence.

Other notable errors include an 1806 version known as the
‘standing fishes’ Bible for this misprint in Ezekiel 47:10 which
turned fishers into fishes: ‘And it shall come to pass that the
fishes shall stand upon it from Engedi, even unto…’ And this
prize, the 1801 ‘murderer’s’ Bible, which morphs Jude 16 into:
‘These are murderers, complainers, walking after their own
lusts…’ The word should have been ‘murmurers’.

 

True Story 2.

Battle Creek, Michigan is referred to as the ‘Cereal Bowl of
America.’ The city produces the most breakfast cereals than any
other city in the world.

Michigan’s Cereal Bowl

Battle Creek, Michigan is fondly known as the world’s cereal
bowl, for producing more cereal than any other city/region in
the world. That’s largely due to the Kellogg company and their
burgeoning business ventures that started with cereal and have
moved on to encompass such things as Pop-Tarts and the snack
company, Keebler. But who started the whole breakfast produce in
the first place?

The American Seventh Day Adventists, who had settled around
Battle Creek in the mid 1800s, were strict vegetarians. They
formed the Western Health Institute in 1860, with a focus on
what they were already doing: producing healthy, wholesome foods
from grains. They were in an ideal location for it, considering
that Michigan with its five ‘great’ lakes, has approximately 20%
of the world’s freshwater supply, perfect for irrigating their
crops.

Eventually, the Institute became the Battle Creek Sanitarium,
where William Keith Kellogg was serving a term while working on
his medical degree. He was interested in the diet of his medical
patients, and experimented with various formulas in the kitchen.

One day, he left a pot of boiling wheat on the stove, which he
was trying to use as a substitute for bread products. The
resulting mush was a much softened wheat, that he rolled out and
let dry.

Afterwards, it broke apart in flakes that were tasty, and had
all the nutrition he sought. Kellogg had invented what would
become the Corn Flake. And in 1906, he established the W.K.
Kellogg Foundation, parent company of Kellogg’s cereals, who did
$10 billion dollars worth of business in 2005.

 
True Story 3

Baskin Robbins once made ketchup ice cream. This was the only
vegetable flavored ice cream produced. However, they
discontinued it since they thought it would not sell well.

Would You Serve It With Fries?

Baskin-Robbins is perhaps the best-known companies in America to
produce that delightful dessert called ice cream. They tout
themselves as having 31 flavors, one for every day of the month
(and a few extras left over for February). But of course, it
depends on the whims of franchise operators, and you may
actually see anywhere from a dozen to over 40 flavors on offer.

The one you won’t see, is ketchup. Yes, ketchup. Way back in the
1970s, the popularity of the TV show ‘All In The Family’ caused
the company to make what was likely their biggest mistake, ever.
They created a ketchup flavored ice cream in honor of the
bigoted Archie Bunker, who ate the spicy, red tomato sauce on
everything.

As an ice cream, it didn’t end up in many sundaes, although it
might be popular with a certain sector of consumers today, being
the only vegetable based ice cream ever made. In reality, only a
few hundred barrels of the stuff were made, and it was quietly
allowed to melt away into history.

The Baskin-Robbins company, which is now part of a conglomerate
along with Dunkin Donuts, has struggled in recent years for its
old market share, against newcomers like Bruster’s Ice Cream,
which means they’ll be looking for new taste sensations. Is a
re-birth of ketchup ice cream in the offing? And if so, would
you want fries with that?

Humour

 Only in America – Allegedly true food story from the USA

FBI agents conducted a raid of a psychiatric hospital in San Diego that was under investigation for medical insurance fraud.

After hours of reviewing thousands of medical records, the dozens of agents had worked up quite an appetite. The agent in charge of the investigation called a nearby pizza parlour with delivery service to order a quick dinner for his colleagues.

The following telephone conversation took place and was recorded by the FBI because they were taping all conversations at the hospital:

Agent: Hello. I’d like to order 19 large pizzas and 67 cans of soda.
Pizza Man: And where would you like them delivered?

Agent: We’re over at the psychiatric hospital.
Pizza Man: The psychiatric hospital?

Agent: That’s right. I’m an FBI agent.
Pizza Man: You’re an FBI agent?

Agent: That’s correct. Just about everybody here is.
Pizza Man: And you’re at the psychiatric hospital?

Agent: That’s correct. And make sure you don’t go through the front doors. We have them locked. You’ll have to go around to the back service entrance to deliver the pizzas.
Pizza Man: And you say you’re all FBI agents?

Agent: That’s right. How soon can you have them here?
Pizza Man: Everyone at the psychiatric hospital is an FBI agent?

Agent: That’s right. We’ve been here all day and we’re starving.
Pizza Man: How are you going to pay for all of this?

Agent: I have my chequebook right here.
Pizza Man: And you’re all FBI agents?

Agent: That’s right. Everyone here is an FBI agent. Can you remember to bring the pizzas and sodas to the service entrance in the rear? We have the front doors locked.

Pizza Man: I don’t think so. *Click*

Men Jokes

1) New Cot
One Monday evening a Jessica found her husband Mike with his head cocked looking at their baby’s cot. Silently she watched him. As Mike twisted and turned looking at at their infant, Jessica could see on Mike’s face a mixture of emotions: disbelief, doubt, joy, surprise, enchantment and scepticism.

Mike did not usually show his emotions and his unusual display brought tears to her eyes.  Jessica put her her arm around her husband and asked. ‘A penny for your thoughts.’

‘It’s amazing!’ Mike replied. ‘I just can’t work out how Kiddicare are able to make a cot like that for only $49.99.’

2) Welsh Husbands
A Welsh lad came home from school and told his mother he had been given a part in the school play.

‘Wonderful,’ replies his mother, ‘what part is it?’

The boy says, ‘I play the part of the Welsh husband.’
The mother scowls and says, ‘Go back and tell your teacher you want a speaking part.’

 
Irishman is the world’s greatest Lover.

A man boarded an aircraft at London ‘s Heathrow Airport for New York , and taking his seat as he settled in, he noticed a very beautiful woman boarding the plane. He realized she was heading straight toward his seat and bingo – she took the seat right beside him. 

‘Hello’, he blurted out, ‘Business trip or vacation?’ 

She turned, smiled enchantingly and said, ‘Business. I’m going to the annual nymphomaniac convention in the United States .’ 

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting for nymphomaniacs! 

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, ‘What’s your business role at this convention?’ ‘Lecturer,’ she responded.’ I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.’ 

‘Really’, he smiled, ‘what myths are those?’ 

‘Well,’ she explained, ‘one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well endowed when, in fact, it’s the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Greek descent. We have also found that the best potential lovers in all categories are the Irish.’ 

Suddenly the woman became uncomfortable and blushed. ‘I’m sorry,’ she said. ‘I really shouldn’t be discussing this with you, I don’t even know your name!’ 

‘Tonto,’ the man said. ‘Tonto Papadopoulos, but my friends call me Paddy.’

Thanks to Dave O’Neill

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