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Sarsfields Newsletter

November 8, 2018

THE SASH Tuesday September 2nd 2008

 

The Weekly Online Newsletter of Sarsfields GAA Club.

 

 

Senior B Championship: Sarsfields 5-20 Clane 0-4

Sarsfields demolished Clane by a massive 31 points in Raheens last night.

Tonight the Junior B team opens its Championship campaign against Naas also in Raheens at 6.45.

 

 

Leinster GAA News
 

Carroll: Munster must play part in new SHC structure


 
By Martin Breheny

 

GALWAY and Antrim would alternate between Leinster and Munster under new
proposals to emerge for the restructuring of the All-Ireland hurling
championships.

Laois Central Council delegate Michael Carroll believes it's unfair on
Leinster to ask them to facilitate two outsiders while Munster remains
intact. He wants Galway and Antrim to take turns in what would be called
the Leinster and Munster Open championships.

That would increase to six the number of counties competing in Munster
while relieving the pressure for places in Leinster. Plans are at
advanced stage to invite Galway and Antrim into a Leinster championship
which featured six counties this year (Kilkenny, Wexford, Offaly,
Dublin, Laois and Westmeath).

Westmeath were excluded from All-Ireland competition in order to
restrict the number of Liam McCarthy Cup contenders to 12. If Galway and
Antrim switch to Leinster, there are fears in Laois and Westmeath that
they may be forced out of the top flight.

'Why not have six teams in Munster? Put Antrim there for two years and
then Galway. If Galway play in Leinster all the time it will make things
a lot harder for counties who aren't quite up to that standard. I
believe Galway and Antrim should swap over between Leinster and
Munster,' said Carroll.

His plan would have six teams each competing in Leinster and Munster.
They would divide into two groups of three, playing off in a round
robin. The top two would advance to the provincial finals, with the
winners qualifying directly for the All-Ireland semi-finals and the
losers for the quarter-finals.

The remaining eight would play off on a knock-out basis to provide the
two other quarter-finalists. With Leinster and Munster starting out in a
three-team round-robin format it would guarantee all counties a home
tie.

Carroll said that while it was appropriate that every effort should be
made to make the championship fairer for everybody, counties like Laois
and Westmeath should not lose out to the arrival of Galway and Antrim in
Leinster. That's a view also held in Westmeath, who have already queried
the basis under which they might be replaced by Antrim.

Said Carroll: 'Also, I can't see why one province should have seven or
eight teams while another has five. If Galway and Antrim are to be
looked after in other provinces, it hardly makes sense to have both of
them in Leinster and leave Munster as it is,' he said.

Laois hurling manager Niall Rigney is among those who are bitterly
opposed to any plan which might see some of the weaker Leinster counties
forced out of the All-Ireland race by the arrival of Galway and Antrim.

'We now have fantastic structures in place for young lads here in Laois.
The inspiration for them will come from seeing the county side in the
top tier. We deserve that and I have no doubt that if we're given the
chance we'll make big progress over the next few years,' he said.

Changes to the All-Ireland championship structure will be discussed at a
Special Congress on October 4.


 

 

On RTE: The Sunday Game Live Fixtures

 

 

Sept 7 All Ireland Senior Hurling Championship and Minor Hurling

Championship Finals

Sept 14 All Ireland Senior Camogie Final

Sept 21 All Ireland Senior Football Championship and Minor Football

Championship Finals

 

Sarsfields Fixtures for the coming week.

Sarsfields Championship fixture against Ellistown will take place on Sunday next 6th September at 6pm..  See Senior Championship Table below. Junior B Championship Tuesday 2nd September: Sarsfields V Naas at 6.45 pm in Raheens.

Wednesday 3rd September U14 Championship Sheild Quarter Final: Kilcullen v Sarsfields A. at 6.45pm Grangenolvan V Sarsfields B at 6.45pm. On Friday 5th September U 16 Championship Quarter final: Celbridge V Sarsfields A. at 6.45pm. U16 Shield Quarter final: Sarsfields B V Nurney at 6.45. Sunday September 6th Kildare Nationalist Senior Championship Round 3 at 6pm in St. Conleth’s Park. Sarsfields v Elllistown. Sunday the 7th September the U13 league:continues Sarsfields A V to Round Towers away. Sarsfields B V Leixlip in St. Conleth’s park. Both games at 11am.

 

 Monday 8th September the Senior B Championship: Sarsfields V  leixlip in Straffan at 6.45.  Junior B championship on Tuesday 9th September: Sarsfields V Two Mile House in Kilcullen at 6.45pm. 

 

 

 

 

Kildare Nationalist

 

 

 

 

 

Senior Football Championship 2008

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Score

 

Played

Won

Drew

Lost

Points

For

Against

Diff

Moorefield

2

2

0

0

4

44

12

32

Celbridge

2

2

0

0

4

31

15

16

St Laurence’s

2

2

0

0

4

25

17

8

Sarsfields

2

1

1

0

3

20

15

5

Carbury

2

1

1

0

3

28

27

1

Leixlip

2

1

1

0

3

17

16

1

Athy

2

1

0

1

2

23

23

0

Naas

2

1

0

1

2

21

21

0

Round Towers

2

0

2

0

2

23

23

0

Ellistown

2

1

0

1

2

20

26

-6

Confey

2

1

0

1

2

19

27

-8

Allenwood

2

0

1

1

1

21

20

1

Suncroft

2

0

0

2

0

16

22

-6

Clane

2

0

0

2

0

21

28

-7

Maynooth

2

0

0

2

0

15

26

-11

Kilcock

2

0

0

2

0

13

37

-24

 

 

Coaches Corner

Specificity - Training for the Games you Play

When an individual trains regularly, their body adapts in response to the training. How their body adapts is specific to the type of activity, which they performed. Training aimed at improving strength will have little impact on speed.

The principle of specificity states that training should be devised to 'train' the specific muscles and systems of the body in a manner that is similar to how these systems are used during competition, in other words improvements will occur in the muscles, which are used during the exercise. For example a sprinter would not run several miles when his aim is to improve speed and power. Similarly it is of little benefit to a swimmer to undergo running training as swimming mainly involves the upper body and running involves the lower body.

Training programs should aim at developing the fitness attributes that are required for optimal performance in a certain sport. In Gaelic Games it is common to hear of training sessions involving numerous laps of football fields. Such laps will assist the endurance demands placed on players in a game. The fitness component of endurance, often referred to as aerobic fitness or stamina, will allow players to recover quickly between short bursts of play and to perform repeated bursts without fatigue. Training endurance means that more oxygen is being supplied to the muscles, which can be used to produce more energy.

However, it is important to note that Gaelic Games involve other fitness components than just endurance. Other components such as speed and strength are required for optimal performance in Gaelic Games. Frequent quick starts and sudden stops, together with changes in speed and direction are typical of Gaelic Games. Speed is commonly viewed as the ability to cover a certain distance in the shortest possible time. However in Gaelic Games, a player who can cover 30 meters in the shortest time may not necessarily be the fastest player in the game situation as other aspects of the game, such as ball control and tackling, will affect a player's game speed.

Strength training is also important of Gaelic players to gain and maintain possession and to properly perform the skills of the game, such as the high catch. Strength training forms a base for agility, power, defending, and breaking runs. Physical fitness is rticular sport, which are required to perform optimally.

An ideal training situation is to integrate fitness training with skill development and tactical prowess. What is trained in practice will be performed in the competitive situation.

 

 

 

 

More Stupid Quotes

 

'I've seen 'Much Ado About Nothing' three times.  It's a great play that's full of humor... I'm not used to that kind of culture and stuff.'
- Pamela Lee, Actress, commenting on Kenneth Branagh's film of the Shakespearean play

'Good looking people turn me off.  Myself included.'
- Patrick Swayze, Actor

'Sometimes they write what I say and not what I mean.'
- Pedro Guerrero, Baseball player, on reporters

'Guys aren't able to get $15 or $20 million anymore, so you have to play for the love of the game.'
- Penny Hardaway, NBA Basketball Player

'And the ball is out here.  No, it's not.  Yes it is.  No, it's not.  What happened.'
- Phil Rizzuto, NY Yankees announcer

'After finding no qualified candidates for the position of principal, the school board is extremely pleased to announce the appointment of David Steele to the post.'
- Philip Streifer, Superintendent of Schools, Barrington, Rhode   Island

'Can you hear me?  Squeeze once for yes and twice for no.'
- Police detective questioning a wounded officer

'They're multipurpose. Not only do they put the clips on, but they take them off.'
- Pratt & Whitney spokesperson explaining why the company charged the US Air Force nearly $1000 for an ordinary pair of pliers.

'While sitting in a tavern, someone hit my nose from behind.'
- reason given for insurance claim

'Mattie's Restaurant and Yoghurt Palace, 'An alternative to Good Eating”
- Restaurant Business Card from Decatur, Texas

'I didn't accept it. I received it.'
- Richard Allen, National Security Advisor to former President Reagan, explaining the $1000 in cash and two watches he was given by two Japanese journalists after he helped arrange a private interview for them with First Lady Nancy Reagan.

'There is certainly more in the future now than back in 1964.'
- Roger Daltrey, Singer/Actor

'I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel.'
- Stuart Pearce

'It's like their own personal equipment, like you have pens.'
- General Syarwan Hamid of Indonasia, justifying why his soldiers carry loaded guns on the streets.

'The only happy artist is a dead artist, because only then you can't change.  After I die, I'll probably come back as a paintbrush.'
- Sylvestor Stallone, Actor

Have you ever Wondered?

 

...why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

...why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

...why you don't ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

...why 'abbreviated' is such a long word?

...why doctors call what they do 'practice'?

...why you have to click on 'Start' to stop Windows?

...why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?

...why the man who invests all your money is called a broker?

...why there isn't mouse-flavoured cat food?

...who tastes dog food when it has a 'new & improved' flavour?


...why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

...why they don't make the whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black box ?

...why sheep don't shrink when it rains?

...why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?

...if con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

...why they call the airport 'the terminal' if flying is so safe?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Strange News

University Students Cheat On Ethic Essay

A group of engineering students at Carleton University cheated
by plagiarizing an essay that was on ethics.  Donald Russell,
who is the associate dean at Carleton University in Ottawa
stated that their were 31 students who were caught plagiarizing
essays that were taken from the Internet.  He stated that,
'We're disappointed this has happened in the course on ethics,'
and also said that these students could be suspended or
expelled.  In one of the cases the plagiarizing was so bad that
only four words were changed in the whole essay that was taken
off the Internet.

Sleeping At Work Considered Good
 
A town in Germany has discovered that sleeping while at work has
increased worker efficiency.  The small town of Vechta which is
situated southwest of Hamburg, have allowed the workers to take
a nap for 20 minutes.  They can go home or doze off at work
after lunch.  'In the beginning employees were skeptical about
the project, but then they were happier and they started working
better.' said town spokesman Frank Kaethler.  This project
started because their was a lot of work that needed to be done
and not enough employees, so they received a course from the
local health insurance company on napping.  It has been found
that 22% of the German population naps but the town of Vechta is
the only one that has implemented the project.
 

 

Humour

Eric Thorpe on Location in Hollywood.

Patrick Sarsfield aka Eric Thorpe has just began filming in Hollywood for his blockbuster film The Extraordinary life of Eric based on Eric’s real life experiences including his running of Sarsfields GAA club single-handed. According to a spokesperson- himself – Eric has been widely acclaimed in Hollywood already.  “Originally Colin Farrell was to play me but the studio wants me to play myself. They confirmed what the producer of The Road To Croker said; that I’m a natural”. Plucked from relative obscurity to stardom in a matter of weeks it’s certainly the stuff  that Hollywood dreams are made of. Although Eric would dispute this as he feels that he’s already famous in his own right especially since he discovered that he is related to the legendary Patrick Sarsfields and his starring role on The Road To Croker. 

“I have already been interviewed by Vanity Fair and I’ll be appearing on the cover of Time magazine next week. I’m having my foot cast in concrete on Hollywood Boulevard alongside the major stars during the week”. Eric has wasted no time in settling in according to a spokesperson for Universal Studios. “Eric and his co-star Uma Thurman have been getting to know one another in Eric’s Caravan on location in the Hollywood hills. Gee I know that this is earthquake territory but there was one hell of a seismic shift in and around Eric’s caravan yesterday after Eric and  Uma  retired there after lunch to “learn their lines”, said the spokesperson. “Though I think ‘retire’ is the wrong choice of word. The caravan rocked violently to and fro and if it wasn’t for the fact that there was no movement from the other caravans I would have thought that we were experiencing an earthquake”.

Later Eric and Uma were spotted in a chic Beverley Hills restaurant having an intimate dinner. A patron at the restaurant said, “They were holding hands and Uma seemed mesmerised by his Irish brogue as the guy regaled her with tales of his life. Later when their meal arrived they lovingly spoon-fed each other totally oblivious to what was going on around them. There certainly is chemistry between them.” 

“Normally co-stars have a romantic liaison after the onscreen romance but this appears to have started before”, continued the spokesperson. According to Eric though, himself and Uma are just good friends. When have we heard that one before. “We have become good friends. We went to my caravan to practice our lines”. Asked about the loud noises emanating from his caravan while Uma was present, Eric said. I’m a bit like Robert De Niro and all the other great actors, I’m into method acting so I sure get stuck into the part and the same goes for Uma. She’s a real pro.” Said Eric who already slipped comfortably and seamlessly into the Hollywoodesque actor style of speaking. Asked about his club back home Eric said, “The guys sure are running things smoothly back home in the old country. I have put Ciaran Carey in charge of my greyhounds and he’s training them in Blackberry Lane. He’ll be bringing my champs to the track on Friday. My deputy Brian Dempsey is temporarily in charge while I’m stateside. I’ll be video conferencing with the guys on my team before they play Ellistown next Sunday. Uma is very impressed with the fact that as they say here I have a franchise for a football club back home. I went to see the Los Angelos Broncos playing in the Bowl last night. Great spectacle.  So now I’m thinking of changing my club name to the Super Sarsfields Slickers. There’s a certain razzmatazz to it that I like now that I have become Americanised. Right guys gotta go I’m hitting the  ‘vard  as we call Hollywood Boulevard here, for a few Buds with my new buddies Chet and Bubba from the studios. ”

Scaredy Cat

Two young boys are arguing over whose father is the biggest scaredy-cat.

The first boy says, 'My dad is so scared that when lightning strikes, he hides underneath the bed.'

The second boy replies,'Yeah? Well, that's nothing. My dad is so scared and such a sissy that when my mum has to work the nightshift, he sleeps with the woman next door.'

 

 

 


Anyone for Coconuts ..

 A fellow, having split from his latest girlfriend, decided to take a
holiday. He booked himself on a cruise and proceeded to have the time of
his life, that is, until the ship sank. 
 


He found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies,
nothing,
only bananas and coconuts. After about four months, he is lying on the
beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore. 

 In disbelief, he asks, 'Where did you come from? How did you get here?'
She replies, 'I rowed from the other side of the island. I landed here when
my cruise ship sank.'
'Amazing,' he notes. 'You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up with
you.' 'Oh, this thing?' explains the woman. 'I made the boat out of raw material
I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree branches. I wove
the bottom from palm branches, and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree.'

'But, where did you get the tools?'

'Oh, that was no problem,' replied the woman. 'On the south side of the
island, a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed. I found if I
fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into ductile iron. I used
that for tools and used the tools to make the hardware.'

The guy is stunned.

'Let's row over to my place,' she says. After a few minutes of rowing, she
docks the boat at a small wharf. As the man looks to shore, he nearly falls
off the boat. Before him is stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow
painted in blue and white.

While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the
man can only stare ahead, dumb struck. As they walk into the house, she
says casually, 'It's not much but I call it home. Sit down, please. Would you like a drink?'

'No! No thank you,' he blurts out, still dazed.

'I can't take another drop of coconut juice.' 'It's not coconut juice,'
winks the woman. 'I have a still. How would you like a Pina Colada?'

Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down
on her couch to talk. After they have exchanged their stories, the woman
announces, 'I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you
like to take a shower and shave? There is a razor upstairs in the  bathroom
cabinet.'

No longer questioning anything, the man goes into the bathroom. There, in
the cabinet, a razor made from a piece of tortoise bone. Two shells honed to a
hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism
'This woman is amazing,' he muses. 'What next? Is there anything this woman
hasn't got?'

When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but vines, strategically
positioned, and smelling faintly of gardenias. She beckons for him to sit
down next to her. 'Tell me,' she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, 'We've both been out here for many months. You've been lonely. There's something I'm sure you really feel like doing right now, something you've really missed, something you've been longing for?'

She stares into his eyes ..

He swallows excitedly
 

 


'don't tell me you've got Sky Sports?'



-

 

Little Johnny and God

Little Johnny was laying about on a hill in the middle of a meadow on a warm spring day. Puffy white clouds rolled by and he pondered their shape.

Soon, he began to think about God.

'God? Are you really there?' Little Johnny said out loud.

To his astonishment a voice came from the clouds. 'Yes, Johnny? What can I do for you?'

Seizing the opportunity, Little Johnny asked, 'God? What is a million years like to you?'

Knowing that Little Johnny could not understand the concept of infinity, God responded in a manner to which Little Johnny could relate. 'A million years to me, Jimmy, is like a minute.'

'Oh,' said Jimmy. 'Well, then, what's a million dollars like to you?'

'A million dollars to me, Johnny , is like a penny.'

'Wow!' remarked Little Johnny , getting an idea. 'You're so generous...can I have one of your pennies?'

God replied, 'Sure thing, Johnny ! Just a minute.'

 

Little Johnny Writes to God

 

A Little Johnny wanted $100.00 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write GOD a letter requesting the $100.

When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to GOD USA, they decided to send it to President Clinton. The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill. President Clinton thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.

Little Johnny was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank you note to GOD, which read:

Dear GOD,

Thank you very much for sending the money, however, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington D.C. and, as usual, those b*****ds deducted $95.00.

 

Boyfriend

A 5-year old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. While playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting furniture, he looked up and said, 'Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend?'

Grandma replied, 'Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can set in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The TV news keep me company and in touch with what is going on.

The comedies make me laugh and I love all the soaps. I'm so happy with my TV as my boyfriend.' Grandma turned on the TV and the picture was horrible. She started adjusting the knobs trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting on the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem. The little boy heard the doorbell ring so he hurried to open the door.

When he opened the door, there stood Grandma's priest who visited his elderly parishioners  weekly.. The priest said said, 'Hello son is your grandma home?'

The little boy replied, 'Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend.'

 

 

Two Nuns: Sister Mathematical and Sister Logical

There were two nuns. One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM), and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).

It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.

SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for The past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.
SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.
SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most! What can we do?
SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.
SM: It's not working.
SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.
SM : So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.
SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.

So the man decided to follow Sister Logical. Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical. Then Sister Logical arrives.

SM: Sister Logical ! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!
SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me
SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?
SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.
SM: And?
SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me.
SM: Oh, dear! What did you do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.
SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.
SM: Oh, no! What happened then?
SL: Isn't it logical, Sister?

A nun with her dress up can run faster than man with his pants down. And for those of you who thought it would be dirty, say two Hail Marys!

 

Proud Father

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife, 'Mother of Six', in spite of her objections.

One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, 'Shall we go home 'Mother of six?''.

His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion shouts right back, 'Anytime you're ready, Father of Four'.

 

Contributors Required

If anyone would like to contribute to this Newsletter please send info to tonyr06@eircom.net. Articles, news, anecdotes etc would be very welcome. If you know anyone who would like to be added to the e-mail mailing list for the Newsletter then please ask them to forward their e-mail addresses to the above.

Please note as part of Sarsfields online privacy policy your E-mail address will not be given to any third parties. Sarsfields online privacy policy can be read in full on the Sarsfields website at www.sarsfieldsgaanewbridge.ie/page8.htm

 

 

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