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Sarsfields Newsletter

November 8, 2018

THE SASH Tuesday August 19th 2008

 

The Weekly Online Newsletter of Sarsfields GAA Club.

 

 

GAA Football All-Ireland semi-final Preview

MUNSTER RIVALS MEET FOR 17th TIME IN TEN YEARS

Cork v Kerry has always been a busy football rivalry but never to the
same degree as over the last decade. When they go head to head in next

Sunday‘s All-Ireland football semi-final in Croke Park (3.30pm) it will
be the 17th time that they have met in the championship since the start
of the 1998 season.

The winners will book in for an All-Ireland final date on September 21
where they will meet the winners of the Tyrone v Wexford semi-final
which will be played on Sunday week. All-Ireland treble seekers, Kerry
are bidding to reach their seventh final this decade (they missed out in
2001 and 2003) while Cork are attempting to reach the final for the
second successive year.

Paths to the semi-final
Kerry
Kerry 1-14 Clare 0-5 (Munster semi-final) Cork 1-16 Kerry 1-11 (Munster
final) Kerry 1-13 Monaghan 0-13 (R3 Qualifier) Kerry 1-21 Galway 1-16
(All-Ireland quarter-final) Average For: 1-15; Average Against: 0-14

Kerry scorers
B Sheehan…………………0-20
C Cooper…………………..1-8
D Walsh…………………..2-1
T Walsh……………………0-6
K Donaghy………………1-3
Declan O’ Sullivan……0-5
A O’Mahony……………..0-4
D O Se………………………0-3
Darren O’ Sullivan…..0-2
S O’Sullivan…………….0-2
T O Se……………………….0-2
P Galvin……………………0-1
E Brosnan………………..0-1
S Scanlon…………………0-1

Cork
Cork 2-9 Limerick 0-12 (Munster semi-final) Cork 1-16 Kerry 1-11
(Munster final) Cork 2-11 Kildare 1-11 (All-Ireland quarter-final)
Average For: 2-11; Average Against: 1-10

Cork scorers
D Goulding………1-11
J Hayes…………….1-7
M Cussen………….2-3
D O’Connor………0-6
G Canty……………1-0
P O’Neill…………..0-3
N Murphy…………0-2
P Kerrigan………..0-1
J Masters………….0-2
F Goold…………….0-1

Cork v Kerry: 16 Championship Clashes (1998-2008)
2008 – Cork 1-16 Kerry 1-11 (Munster final)
2007 – Kerry 3-13 Cork 1-9 (All-Ireland final)
2007 – Kerry 1-15 Cork 1-13 (Munster final)
2006 – Kerry 0-16 Cork 0-10 (All-Ireland semi-final)
2006 – Cork 1-12 Kerry 0-9 (Munster final replay)
2006 – Cork 0-10 Kerry 0-10 (Munster final)
2005 – Kerry 1-19 Cork 0-9 (All-Ireland semi-final)
2005 – Kerry 1-11 Cork 0-11 (Munster final)
2004 – Kerry 0-15 Cork 0-7 (Munster semi-final)
2002 – Kerry 3-19 Cork 2-7 (All-Ireland semi-final)
2002 – Cork 0-15 Kerry 1-9 (Munster semi-final replay)
2002 – Cork 0-8 Kerry 0-8 (Munster semi-final)
2001 – Kerry 0-19 Cork 0-13 (Munster final) 2000 – Kerry 2-15 Cork 1-13
(Munster semi-final)
1999 – Cork 2-10 Kerry 2-4 (Munster final)
1998 – Kerry 1-14 Cork 1-11 (Munster semi-final) Kerry 10, Cork 4, Draw
2.

Last Clash: Cork 1-16 Kerry 1-11 (2008 Munster final)

Kerry seemed to be on their way to retaining the title when a goal by
Donncha Walsh set them up for a 1-8 to 0-3 half-time lead. However, Cork
sub, Michael Cussen led a great revival and when he flicked in a goal in
the 50th minute, the margin was down to two points. Cork drew level
shortly afterwards and went on to win by five points.

Scorers: Cork: D Goulding 0-7, M Cussen 1-1, D O’Connor 0-4, J Hayes, J
Masters, F Goold, P Kerrigan 0-1 each.
Kerry: D Walsh 1-1, C Cooper, B Sheehan 0-3 each, S O’Sullivan 0-2, D O
Se, T O Se 0-1 each.

Cork: A Quirke; D Duggan,  D Kavanagh, A Lynch; B O’Regan, G Spillane, K
O’Connor; A O’Connor, G Canty; N Murphy, P O’Neill, S O’Brien; D
Goulding, D O’Connor, J Hayes.
Subs: M Cussen for A O’Connor; F Goold for Canty; J Masters for O’Brien;
P Kerrigan for Goulding.

Kerry: D Murphy; M O Se, T O’Sullivan, P Reidy; T O Se, A O’Mahony, K
Young; D O Se, S Scanlon; S O’Sullivan, E Brosnan, D Walsh; C Cooper, K
Donaghy, B Sheehan.
Subs: Darren O’Sullivan for D Walsh; T Griffin for Brosnan; T Walsh for
S O’Sullivan.

LAST TEN SEMI-FINALS

Kerry
2007: Kerry 1-15 Dublin 0-16
2006: Kerry 0-16 Cork 0-10
2005: Kerry 1-19 Cork 0-9
2004: Kerry 1-17 Derry 1-11
2003: Tyrone 0-13 Kerry 0-6
2002: Kerry 3-19 Cork 2-7
2001: Meath 2-14 Kerry 0-5
2000: Kerry 2-15 Armagh 1-15 (replay – after extra-time)
2000: Kerry 2-11 Armagh 2-11
1998: Kildare 0-13 Kerry 1-9
Won 6, Lost 3, Drew 1.


Cork
2007: Cork 1-16 Meath 0-9
2006: Kerry 0-16 Cork 0-10
2005: Kerry 1-19 Cork 0-9
2002: Kerry 3-19 Cork 2-7
1999: Cork 2-12 Mayo 0-12
1995: Dublin 1-12 Cork 0-12
1994: Down 1-13 Cork 0-11
1993: Cork 5-15 Mayo 0-10
1990: Cork 0-17 Roscommon 0-10
1989: Cork 2-10 Dublin 1-9
Won 5. Lost 5

TYRONE WIN SETS UP NOVEL SEMI-FINAL PAIRING

Tyrone’s win over Dublin in last Saturday‘s All-Ireland quarter-final
sets up a new All-Ireland semi-final pairing as they will take on
Wexford for the first time at this stage of the championship. Wexford
won the last of their ten Leinster finals in 1945, eleven years before
Tyrone won the Ulster title for the first time. While there’s no
semi-final or final history between them, they did meet in the
All-Ireland qualifiers in 2000 when Tyrone won a first round game in
Wexford Park by 1-9 to 0-10. The counties also met in a National League
(Div 1) semi-final in April 2005 with Wexford winning by 1-8 to 1-7.
With provincial winners, Armagh, Dublin and Galway all losing
All-Ireland quarter-finals, Cork are only provincial champions still
standing in the title race. It’s the first time since the introduction
of the qualifier system in 2001 that three of the four provincial
champions failed to win the quarter-final.

If Kerry beat Cork next Sunday it will be the first time that all four
semi-finalists will have come through the qualifier route.

 

Kelly: Justin decision justified

In the aftermath of Waterford’s thrilling All-Ireland SHC semi-final win over Tipperary at Croke Park on Sunday, the Deise’s Eoin Kelly admitted that he and his team-mates felt justified in their decision to hasten a change of manager early in June.

‘We didn’t like doing what we did. Justin was a nice man and a good hurling man, ‘ Kelly told the Irish Daily Star.

‘But we thought we were just missing that little something that we weren’t sure that we’d get out of Justin.

‘We felt that we needed something to get to an All-Ireland final.

‘There are lads in their 30s that have never played in an All-Ireland final. All they wanted to do was play in one.’

Kelly, who notched up a personal tally of 1-10 against the Munster and League champions, also revealed that what Davy Fitzgerald had actually brought to the Deise party was hard to pinpoint. 

‘It is hard to put your finger on it, ‘ the Passage attacker added.

‘I suppose hard work is doing it, both on and off the field.

‘In our diets too. I suppose we weren’t doing that the last couple of years.

‘All the little things help.’





 

Railway station planned for Croker

 

By Dick O’Brien

A new railway station is being planned for Croke Park. Iarnród Eireann is expected to have high-level discussions with the GAA to open the new railway station at the GAA headquarters.

It is anticipated that the GAA would make a significant contribution towards its development costs, given that the new station has the potential to deliver a large amount of fans to the stadium on match days.

Croke Park is situated adjacent to the Sligo railway line, which serves stations in Boyle, Carrick-on-Shannon, Mullingar, Enfield, Kilcock, Maynooth and Leixlip. A spur on the line serving Dunboyne and Navan is planned for completion in 2015. The line terminates in Connolly station in Dublin, which is in turn connected with the Wexford and Belfast lines.

However, the real benefit of the station will come with the construction of the planned rail interconnector between Heuston station and Pearse station in the city centre. This has the potential to allow Iarnród Eireann to deliver trains directly to Croke Park from locations such as Cork, Limerick, and Galway. The interconnector is scheduled for completion in 2015.

The main problem facing any plan for the new station is the logistical challenge of moving large numbers of fans on and off trains on match days. Croke Park has a maximum capacity of 82,500 people, and were a new station to prove viable it would have to be able to accommodate large numbers of matchgoers.

Visit the Leinster GAA web site at http://www.gaa.ie/leinster


 

 

 

 

On RTE: The Sunday Game Live Fixtures

 

 

Aug 24 All Ireland Senior Football Championship and Minor Football

Championship Semi-Finals

Aug 31 All Ireland Senior Football Championship and Minor Football

Championship Semi-Finals

Sept 7 All Ireland Senior Hurling Championship and Minor Hurling

Championship Finals

Sept 14 All Ireland Senior Camogie Final

Sept 21 All Ireland Senior Football Championship and Minor Football

Championship Finals

 

Sarsfields Fixtures for the coming week.

The minor Championship round 3 due to take place tonight between Sarsfields and Leixlip has again been postponed and has been rescheduled for next Monday August 25th in Clane.

The senior championship resumes this weekend and the seniors will play Leixlip in Round 2 on Saturday at 5.30 in St. Conleth’s Park. In the U14 championship on Wednesday 20th  Sarsfields A team will play  Raheens away while the B team are at home to Nurney. Sarsfields will play in a ten a side Camogie final also on Wednesday  against Athy at 7.15 at Eire Og. On Friday 22nd August both U16 teams will be in championship action. The A team will face a tough away assignment against Na Fianna and the B team are away to Ellistown. On Sunday next 24th in the U13 league Division 2b Sarsfields are away to St. Laurence’s and the in Division 3b the second team are away to Monasterevin.

 

 

More Stupid Quotes.

So long as any amount shall remain unpaid under this note, the Borrower covenants and promises to that Bank that the borrower will not permit or suffer to exist any of the following conditions: death of the borrower.
American Security Bank loan agreement

 

“We’re not afraid of challenges. It’s like we always say: if you want to go out in the rain, be prepared to get burned.”
Anonymous Brazillian Soccer Player

 

We are unable to announce the weather. We depend on weather reports from the airport, which is closed, due to weather. Whether we will be able to give you a weather report tomorrow will depend on the weather.
Arab News report


Caution: Cape does not enable user to fly.
Batman Costume warning label

 

Sure the body count in this movie bothers me, but what are you gonna do? It’s what everybody likes. At least its not an awful body count–it’s a fun body count.
Bonnie Bedelia, actress, regarding the movie Die Harder

 

Well, I used to look like this when I was young and now I still do.
Yogi Berra, baseball catcher, manager

 

Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise they won’t come to yours.
Yogi Berra, baseball catcher, manager

 

Our strength is that we don’t have any weaknesses. Our weakness is that we don’t have any real strengths.
Frank Broyles, college football coach

 

All I was doing was appealing for an endorsement, not suggesting you endorse it.
George Bush, US President

 

It’s no exaggeration to say that the undecided could go one way or another.
George Bush, US President

 

I have opinions of my own — strong opinions –but I don’t always agree with them.
George Bush, US President

 

Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances.
Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina

 

To move cabin, push button of the wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press the number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by natural order. Button retaining pressed position shows received command
Elevator Instructions, Madrid, Spain

 

We apologize for the error in last week’s paper in which we stated that Mr Arnold Dogbody was a defective in the police force. We meant, of course, that Mr Dogbody is a detective in the police farce.
Correction Notice in the Ely Standard, a British newspaper

 

Go see it and see for yourself why you shouldn’t go see it.
Samuel Goldwyn

 

We are sorry to announce that Mr Albert Brown has been quite unwell, owing to his recent death, and is taking a short holiday to recover.
English Parish Magazine

 

  Business Signs

  • On an Electrician’s truck: ‘Let us remove your shorts.’
  • Outside a Radiator Repair Shop: ‘Best place in town to take a leak.’
  • In a Non-smoking area: ‘If we see you smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.’
  • On Maternity Room door: ‘Push, Push, Push.’
  • On a Front Door: ‘Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog.’
  • At an Optometrist’s Office: ‘If you don’t see what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place.’
  • On a Scientist’s door: ‘Gone Fission’
  • On a Taxidermist’s window: ‘We really know our stuff.’
  • In a Podiatrist’s window: ‘Time wounds all heels.’
  • On a Butcher’s window: ‘Let me meat your needs.’
  • On another Butcher’s window: ‘Pleased to meat you.’
  • At a Used Car Lot: ‘Second Hand cars in first crash condition.’
  • On a fence: ‘Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive.’
  • At a Car Dealership: ‘The best way to get back on your feet – miss a car payment.’
  • Outside an Exhaust Shop: ‘No appointment necessary. We’ll hear you coming.’
  • Outside a Hotel: ‘Help! We need inn-experienced people.’
  • At an Auto Body Shop: ‘May we have the next dents?’
  • In a Dry Cleaner’s Emporium: ‘Drop your pants here.’
  • On a desk in a Reception Room: ‘We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the 2nd one just left.’
  • In a Veterinarian’s waiting room: ‘Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!’
  • On a Music Teacher’s door: ‘Out Chopin.’
  • At the Electric Company: ‘We would be delighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don’t, you will be.’
  • In a Beauty Shop: ‘Dye now!’
  • On the side of a rubbish disposal Truck: ‘We’ve got what it takes to take what you’ve got.’
  • On the door of a Computer Store: ‘Out for a quick byte.’
  • In a Restaurant window: ‘Don’t stand there and be hungry, come in and get fed up.’
  • Inside a Bowling Alley: ‘Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop.’
  • On the door of a Music Library: ‘Bach in a minuet.’
  • In the front yard of a Funeral Home: ‘Drive carefully, we’ll wait.’
  • In a Counsellor’s office: ‘Growing old is mandatory. Growing wise is optional.’

 

Lost in Translation.

Here are some signs and notices written in English that were seen in many countries. 


On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: ‘OUR WINES LEAVE YOU WITH NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.’

In a Rome laundry: ‘LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.’

In a Japanese hotel: ‘YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.’

In a Tokyo bar: ‘SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR LADIES WITH NUTS.’

In a Belgrade hotel: ‘THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.’

Outside a Paris shop: ‘DRESSES FOR STREET WALKING.’

Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand: ‘WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?

In the office of a Roman doctor: ‘SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.’

In a Bucharest hotel lobby: ‘THE LIFT IS BEING FIXED FOR THE NEXT DAY. DURING THAT TIME WE REGRET THAT YOU WILL BE UNBEARABLE.’

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a cemetery. YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETARY WHERE RUSSIAN COMPOSERS, ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.’

On the door of a Moscow hotel room: ‘IF THIS IS YOUR FIRST VISIT TO RUSSIA, YOU ARE WELCOME TO IT.’

On the menu of a Polish hotel: ‘SALAD A FIRM’S OWN MAKE: LIMPID RED BEET SOUP WITH CHEESY DUMPLINGS IN THE FORM OF A FINGER; ROASTED DUCK LET LOOSE; BEEF RASHERS BEATEN UP IN THE COUNTRY PEOPLE’S FASHION.’

From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner: ‘COOLS AND HEATS: IF YOU WANT JUST CONDITION WARM IN YOUR ROOM PLEASE CONTROL YOURSELF.’

From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo: ‘WHEN PASSENGER OF FOOT HEAVE IN SIGHT, TOOTLE THE HORN. RUMPET HIM MELODIOUSLY AT FIRST, BUT IF HE STILL OBSTACLES YOUR PASSAGE THEN TOTTLE HIM WITH VIGOR.’

In a Swiss mountain inn: ‘SPECIAL TODAY–NO ICE CREAM.’

From the Soviet weekly: ‘THERE WILL BE A MOSCOW EXHIBITION OF ARTS BY 150 SOVIET REPUBLIC PAINTERS AND SCULPTORS. THESE WERE EXECUTED OVER THE PAST FEW YEARS.’

In a Copenhagen airline ticket office: ‘WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.’

In an Acapulco hotel: ‘THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY PASSED ALL WATER SERVED HERE.’

Humour

Golfing with Perfect eyesight

Arthur is 90 years old, and has played golf every day since he retired 30 years ago.

One day he arrives at home looking very depressed. “That’s it,” he tells his wife. “I’m giving up golf. My eyesight has gotten so bad that once I’ve hit the ball, I can’t see where it went.”

His wife sympathizes, and as they sit down, she says, “Why don’t you take my brother with you, and give it one more try.”

“That’s no good,” sighs Arthur. “Your brother is a 103!!! There’s no way he can’t help.”

“He may be a 103″, says the wife, “but his eyesight is perfect.”

So the next day, Arthur heads off to the golf course with his brother-in-law. He tees up, takes a mighty swing, and squints down the fairway. Quickly, he’s lost it again. He turns to the brother-in-law, and asks him “Did you see the ball?”

“Of course I did!” says the brother-in-law. “I have perfect eyesight.”

“Where did it go?” asks Arthur.

“I can’t remember.”

Betting on Mary Lou

A man was quietly reading his paper in the family room when his wife sneaks up behind him and whacks him on the head with a frying pan.

“What was that for?” he says. “That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name ‘Mary Lou’ written on it”, she replies.

“Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Mary Lou was the name of one of the horses I bet on”, he explains. She gives him the evil eye a bit longer but then feels satisfied with her husband’s response. She apologizes and goes off to finish some housework.

Three days later he’s again sitting in his chair reading when she nails him with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him out cold. When he comes to, he asks, “What the hell was that for?” “Your horse just phoned.”

 

Actual stupid questions asked in Court

The below excerpts appeared in the Salt Lake Tribune. They were taken from real court records.

Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn’t know anything about it until the next morning?

Q: What happened then?
A: He told me, he says, ‘I have to kill you because you can identify me.’
Q: Did he kill you?

 
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

Were you alone or by yourself?

Q: I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture?
A: That’s me.
Q: Were you present when that picture was taken?

Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?

Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

Q: Now then, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are now?
A: I’ll be three months on March 12th.
Q: Apparently then, the date of conception was around January 12th?
A: Yes.
Q: What were you doing at that time?

Do you have any children or anything of that kind?

Was that the same nose you broke as a child?

Q: Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally stable?
A: I used to be.
Q: How many times have you committed suicide?

So, you were gone until you returned?

You don’t know what it was, and you didn’t know what it looked like, but can you describe it?

Q: Have you lived in this town all your life?
A: Not yet.

A Texas attorney, realizing he was on the verge of unleashing a stupid question, interrupted himself and said, ‘Your Honour, I’d like to strike the next question.’

Q: Do you recall approximately the time that you examined that body of Mr. Huntington at St. Mary’s Hospital?
A: It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 5:30 P.M.
Q: And Mr. Huntington was dead at the time, is that correct?
A: No, you idiot, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was performing an autopsy on him!

 

Made In Japan

There was a Japanese man who went to America for sightseeing.

On his last day, he hail a cab and told the driver to drive to the airport.

During the journey, a Honda drove past the taxi. Thereupon, the man leaned out of the window excitedly and yelled, “Honda, very fast! Made in Japan.”

After awhile, a Toyota sped past the taxi. Again the Japanese man leaned out of the window and yelled, “Toyota, very fast! Made in Japan.”

And then a Mitsubishi sped past the taxi. For the third time, the Japanese leaned out of the window and yelled, “Mitsubishi, very fast! Made in Japan.”

The driver was a little angry, but he kept quiet. And this went on for quite a number of cars. Finally, the taxi came to the airport.

The fare was $300. The Japanese exclaimed, “Wah…so expensive!”

Thereupon, the driver yelled back, “Meter, very fast! Made in Japan.”

 

Top 35 Oxymorons

  1. Government Worker
  2. Legally drunk
  3. Exact estimate
  4. Act naturally
  5. Found missing
  6. Resident alien
  7. Genuine imitation
  8. Airline Food
  9. Good grief
  10. Government organization
  11. Sanitary landfill
  12. Alone together
  13. Small crowd
  14. Business ethics
  15. Soft rock
  16. Butt Head
  17. Military Intelligence
  18. Sweet sorrow
  19. Rural Metro 
  20. ‘Now, then …’
  21. Passive aggression
  22. Clearly misunderstood
  23. Peace force
  24. Extinct Life
  25. Plastic glasses
  26. Terribly pleased
  27. Computer security
  28. Political science
  29. Tight slacks
  30. Definite maybe
  31. Pretty ugly
  32. Rap music
  33. Working vacation
  34. Religious tolerance
  35. Microsoft Works

 

The Real Meaning Behind Personal Ad Abreviations

Most people have at least once in their lives, read through the
singles classified ads. Perhaps wondering what type of person is
behind the ad. 
Well for those of you that have tried to figure out what those
descriptions really mean here is the real meaning behind the abbreviations in personal ads:
 
 FIRST THE ADS FROM WOMEN
 
 40-ish……………… 48, 
 Adventurer………….. Has had more partners than you ever will
 Athleti, c…………….  Model stickthin
 Average looking……… Ugly
 Beautiful…………… Pathological liar
 Contagious Smile…….. Bring your penicillin
 Educated……………. College dropout
 Emotionally Secure…… Medicated
 Feminist……………. Fat; ball buster
 Free spirit…………. Substance user
 Friendship first…….. Trying to live down promiscuous reputation 
 Fun………………… Annoying
 Gentle……………… Comatose
 Good Listener……….. Borderline Autistic
 New-Age……………..believes in all sorts of quackery 
 Open-minded…………. Desperate
 Outgoing……………. Loud
 Passionate………….. Loud
 Professional………… Real Witch
 Redhead…………….. Shops the Clairol section
 Reubenesque…………. Grossly Fat
 Romantic……………. Looks better by candle light
 Voluptuous………….. Very Fat
 Weight proportional to height………………Hugely Fat
 Wants Soulmate………. Wants a shopping partner
 Widow………………. Nagged first husband to death
 Young at heart………. heading for the nursing home.
 
 ——————————————————————-
 
 THE MALE SIDE OF THE LIST
 
 40-ish……………… 52 and looking for a 25-yr-old
 Athletic……………. Physical activity consists of sitting on the couch and watching sports
 Educated……………. Will always treat you like an idiot
 Free Spirit………….  Feels threatened if a woman is a free spirit
 Friendship first…….. As long as friendship involves nudity
 Fun………………… Good with a remote and a six pack
 Good looking………… Arrogant
 Honest……………… Pathological Liar
 Huggable……………. Overweight, more body hair than a bear
 Likes to cuddle………. Insecure, overly dependent
 Mature……………… Until you get to know him
 Open-minded…………. Declares that he values your mind but only as long as you agree with him.
                         
 Physically fit……….  spends a lot of time in front of the mirror
                          admiring himself
 Poet……………….. Has written on a toilet door
 Spiritual…………… Once went to church with his grandmother
                          on Easter Sunday
 Stable……………… Occasional stalker, but never arrested
 Thoughtful………….. Says ‘Please’ when demanding a beer
 

Sunbathing

A woman, spent almost all of her holiday sunbathing on the roof of her hotel.

She wore a bathing suit the first day, but on the second, she decided that no one could see her way up there, and she slipped out of it for an overall tan.

She’d hardly begun when she heard someone running up the stairs.

She was lying on her stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear.

‘Excuse me, miss,’ said the flustered assistant manager of the hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs. ‘The Hilton doesn’t mind your sunbathing on the roof, but we would very much appreciate your wearing a bathing suit as you did yesterday.’

‘What difference does it make?’ she asked rather calmly. ‘No one can see me up here, and besides, I’m covered with a towel.’

‘Not exactly,’ said the embarrassed man. ‘You’re lying on the dining room skylight.’

 

 

Contributors Required

If anyone would like to contribute to this Newsletter please send info to tonyr06@eircom.net. Articles, news, anecdotes etc would be very welcome. If you know anyone who would like to be added to the e-mail mailing list for the Newsletter then please ask them to forward their e-mail addresses to the above.

Please note as part of Sarsfields online privacy policy your E-mail address will not be given to any third parties. Sarsfields online privacy policy can be read in full on the Sarsfields website at www.sarsfieldsgaanewbridge.ie/page8.htm

 

 

 

 

           

 

   

 

 

 

           

 

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