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Sarsfields Newsletter

November 8, 2018

THE SASH Tuesday August 12th 2008

 

The Weekly Online Newsletter of Sarsfields GAA Club.

 

 

 

 Sarsfields on The Road To Croker: Another First for The Sash.

 

Sarsfields became the first Kildare Club to be the location for the popular GAA programme The Road To Croker when the club was chosen for last weeks programme. Thanks to all who helped ensure it was a very successful event further enhancing Sarsfields national profile. Our near neighbours were not best pleased to put it diplomatically that Sarsfields was chosen. Needless to say there were no congratulations offered. Various reports that emanated from Moorefield sources were very critical of the fact that Sarsfields were chosen when they felt that they should have been chosen since they are County Champions. At least one senior Moorefield player was enraged that the event took place in Sarsfields clubhouse and not in Moorefield clubhouse..

Just a little reminder to our dear neighbours that a club actually has  to apply to the production company Loosehorse that produces the programme for RTE for a club to be evaluated on a number of criteria before being accepted or rejected. The fact that Sarsfields was accepted means that our facilities met with the criteria required by the production company and thus we join the small number of clubs with the highest standards in the country that are chosen every year. Would Moorefield clubhouse have met the necessary criteria required by Loosehorse productions? Highly unlikely, to put it diplomatically.
 

 Hollywood beckons for Eric Thorpe.

 

Mr Sarsfields Eric Thorpe, Sarsfields Senior self appointed Strategist, Sarsfields Security Specialist, Sarsfields chief mobile security patrol officer, Greyhound Trainer extraordinaire and mobile Library operator is going to be even more famous than he was before if that is possible. Following his appearance on the popular GAA programme The Road To Croker which was recorded in Sarsfields Clubhouse last week and shown on Thursday on RTE 2, Eric has according to a source- himself – been inundated with offers from Hollywood. “The reaction to my starring role in The Road To Croker has been phenomenal. The producer of the show told me that I was a natural as they say in the industry. Now Hollywood wants to do a story of my life. I was contacted by Colin Farrell’s agent on Friday morning who told me that Colin is very anxious to play me in the film. I will be meeting with the scriptwriters next week as they plot my extraordinary life to date. While the Road To Croker helped to give the club and myself a national profile my Hollywood stardom will make me internationally recognisable. Naturally I won’t be forgetting my roots and I will of course mention Sarsfields in the film.”

Eric who spoke on The Road to Croker about Sarsfields connections to the legendary Patrick Sarsfield believes that he may even be related to the famous warrier. “Documents have come into my possession that indicate that I may be related to Patrick Sarsfields” said Eric without any modesty whatsoever “This will be a theme explored in my forthcoming film The Extraordinary Life of Eric. If it turns out that I am related to Patrick Sarsfield and I think it will be proved that I am, then this means that I am the true founder of Sarsfields that I am the one true inheritor of the title son of Sarsfields,  that I am Sarsfields personified.

After I complete my filming schedule I will appoint myself the supreme leader of Sarsfields as a result of having a direct lineage to the great Patrick Sarsfields. I will then have the power to appoint the Senior Officers and management teams every year. There will be no need for the AGM anymore. The club committee will act under my guidance at all times. I will be entitled to call myself Lord Sarsfields as the descendent of Patrick Sarsfields. I will allow the committee to address me as Mr Sarsfields. However the bar staff, the likes of Ciaran Carey and John Kavanagh will have to address me as Lord Eric The One True Son of Sarsfields or they will be allowed to shorten it to Sir if they are busy pulling points when I am present in the clubhouse. I’m not discriminating against them, as all the players and the manager Paul Doyle will have to as well.”

When asked if one man running the club was not a bad idea for the club and undemocratic Eric replied, “not at all. Since when did democracy have anything to do with the GAA. Besides I am practically running the club single-handed at the moment as everyone knows. So in effect I will just be making my position official. Brian Dempsey will be allowed for the foreseeable future to continue as my deputy and he will take over temporarily in my absence when I am away on location for my film.” Asked about his plans for the club in the future Eric said that he will be encouraging suggestions from the committee although his word will be final. “I will be less involved in the day to day running but more involved in the overall strategic planning for the club just like my ancestor Patrick Sarsfield was the overall strategist for his battle plans against the enemy. Speaking of the enemy he said: “I have appointed myself as director of football for the club. Paul is delighted with my decision as it relieves him of some of the burden of leadership. I have indicated to Paul how I want Moorefield dealt with when the championship begins again next week. I will hear of no defeatist talk of three in a row for Moorefield as if it was already a faith accompli. Patrick Sarsfield never faced an enemy that won three in a row battles and neither will I as his descendent. He prevented the enemy from winning tree in a row and so will I. I will prepare my troops for battle and if the encampment at the edge of the Curragh is ambushed before we get to them then we will rejoice with their victors but our joy will be greater if we can defeat them ourselves. My general Paul knows and understands this otherwise I wouldn’t have him running the company C troops.” Asked if he intended in future to using military metaphors in relation to Sarsfields footballers, Lord Eric replied “the use of military metaphors is entirely appropriate for Sarsfields in view of my ancestry. They help to focus the footballers minds on the battles ahead and especially the one that we dare not and will not lose.   

 

 

 

 

 

On RTE: The Sunday Game Live Fixtures

 

 

Aug 16 Dublin V Tyrone All- Ireland Quarter Final.

Aug 17 All Ireland Senior Hurling Championship and Minor Hurling

Championship Semi-Finals.

Aug 24 All Ireland Senior Football Championship and Minor Football

Championship Semi-Finals

Aug 31 All Ireland Senior Football Championship and Minor Football

Championship Semi-Finals

Sept 7 All Ireland Senior Hurling Championship and Minor Hurling

Championship Finals

Sept 14 All Ireland Senior Camogie Final

Sept 21 All Ireland Senior Football Championship and Minor Football

Championship Finals

 

Sarsfields Fixtures for the coming week.

All minor Championships games due to be played this evening have been postponed

 Wednesday 13Th August at 7.00PM Sarsfields U14 B V  St.Laurence’s in the championship. ET 2×10 minutes if necessary. Sudden death (first score) 2×5 Minutes. Thursday August 14th Sarsfields junior hurlers will resume championship action when they take on Sallins in Moorefield at 7pm. On Friday 16th August Sarsfields U16A team will play Sallins in the championship away at 7pm while the second team will play Round Towers at home.  Extra time and sudden death if necessary. On Sunday 17th August in the U13 league at 11am  both teams will be in action. In Division 2B Sarsfields will play away to Sallins and in Division 3B Sarsfields will be at home to St. Laurences.

 

 

 

More Stupid Quotes.

‘For the majority of people, the use of tobacco has a beneficial effect.’
– Dr. Ian G. MacDonald, Los Angles Surgeon, as Quoted in Newsweek November 18, 1969
.

‘Secretaries for openings in college administrative areas. Good typing, word processing helpful. Able to interfere with faculty, staff, and students.’
– Irondequoit, NY want-ad

‘I deny the allegations and I defy the alligators!’
– Indicted Chicago Alderman

‘FIRST, CARRY TO FIRE.’
– Instructions on a fire extinguisher

‘Passive activity income does not include the following: Income for an activity that is not a passive activity.’
– IRS form 8583, Passive Activity Loss Limitation

I do not like this word ‘bomb.’ It is not a bomb. It is a device that is exploding.’
– Jacques le Blanc, French ambassador on nuclear weapons

‘The people in the Navy look on motherhood as being compatible with being a woman.’
– James R. Hogg, Rear Admiral

‘His previous wives just didn’t understand him.’
– Jan Chamberlain, wife #8 for Mickey Rooney

‘We’re going to turn this team around 360 degrees.’
– Jason Kidd upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks

‘I don’t want to ever, ever do something in life that isn’t fun. Ever.’
– Jennifer Love Hewitt, Actress, in 
Cosmopolitan.

‘We’re going to move left and right at the same time.’
– Jerry Brown, Governor of California

‘A brain scan revealed Andrew Caddick is not suffering from a stress fracture of the shin.’
– Jo Sheldon

‘My appetite is so good that I can eat the tablecloth right off
the chair.’

– Joseph Moakley, Massachusetts representative

‘The word ‘genius’ isn’t applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.’
– Joe Theisman, quarterback and sports analyst

‘In a sense it’s a one-man show… except there are two men involved, Hartson and Berkovic, and a third man, the goalkeeper.’
– John Motson, BBC1

‘I don’t feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them. There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves.’
– John Wayne, Actor

Strange News

Thief Trapped In Elevator

A 39 year old Swedish thief who wanted to break into a basement
studio was trapped in an elevator for 11 hours.  The man took
the elevator to the basement and tried to open the locked
elevator by a screwdriver.  However, the elevator was made to
lock up if it was tried to be open by force.  The man started to
panic and started ripping out electric cables and tried to set
off the fire alarm.  A fire did not start and instead the man
got a visit from the police next morning and was rescued from
the trapped elevator just to be thrown in a jail cell
.

Quick Test

Below are four (4) questions and a bonus question. You have to answer them instantly. You can’t take your time, answer all of them immediately. OK?
Let’s find out just how clever you really are.

Ready? GO!!! (Scroll down)







First Question:
You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?










Answer: If you answered that you are first, and then you are absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second! Try not to screw up in the next question.
To answer the second question, don’t take as much time as you took for the first question.









Second Question:
If you overtake the last person, then you are…?













Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, and then you are wrong again.  How can you overtake the LAST Person?









You’re not very good at this! Are you?


Third Question:
Very tricky math! Note: This must be done in your head only.

Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.


Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000 Now add 10. What is the total?

Scroll down for answer.






Did you get 5000?
The correct answer is actually 4100.

Don’t believe it? Check with your calculator! Today is definitely not your day. Maybe you will get the last question right?












Fourth Question:

Mary’s father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono.
What is the name of the fifth daughter?








Answer: Nunu?

NO! Of course not.

Her name is Mary. Read the question again



Okay, now the bonus round:
There is a mute person who wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing one’s teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done.

Now if there is a blind man who wishes to buy a pair of sunglasses, how should he express himself?






He just has to open his mouth and ask, so simple.

 

 

 

 

Humour

Smart Driver…

 

 

 

When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker’s circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work.

One night as they were driving to yet another dinner, Einstein mentioned to his chauffeur (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speechmaking.

‘I have an idea, boss,’ his chauffeur said. ‘I’ve heard you give this speech so many times. I’ll bet I could give it for you.’

Einstein laughed loudly and said, ‘Why not? Let’s do it!’

When they arrive at the dinner, Einstein donned the chauffeur’s cap and jacket and sat in the back of the room. The chauffeur gave a beautiful rendition of Einstein’s speech and even answered a few questions expertly.

Then a supremely pompous professor asked an extremely esoteric question about anti-matter formation, digressing here and there to let everyone in the audience know that he was nobody’s fool.

Without missing a beat, the chauffeur fixed the professor with a steely stare and said, ‘Sir, the answer to that question is so simple that I will let my chauffeur, who is sitting in the back, answer it for me.’

 

 

For I am a Princess

 

 

 

An airline’s passenger cabin was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant,

Who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served them Food and drinks. As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and announced to the passengers,

‘Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he’ll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super.’

On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed a well-dressed rather exotic Looking woman hadn’t moved a muscle.

‘Perhaps you didn’t hear me over those big brute engines. I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground.’

She calmly turned her head and said,

‘In my country, I am called a Princess. I take orders from no one.’ To Which the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat,

‘Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country, I’m called a Queen, so I out rank you. Tray-up, Bitch.’

 

The Jigsaw

 

 

 

David Beckham is celebrating: ’57 days, 57 days!’ he shouts happily.
Posh asks him why he is celebrating. He answers: ‘Well, I’ve done this jigsaw in only 57 days.’
‘Is that good?’ asks Posh.
‘You bet,’ says David. ‘It says 3 to 5 years on the box.’

 

 

 

 

Contributors Required

If anyone would like to contribute to this Newsletter please send info to tonyr06@eircom.net. Articles, news, anecdotes etc would be very welcome. If you know anyone who would like to be added to the e-mail mailing list for the Newsletter then please ask them to forward their e-mail addresses to the above.

Please note as part of Sarsfields online privacy policy your E-mail address will not be given to any third parties. Sarsfields online privacy policy can be read in full on the Sarsfields website at www.sarsfieldsgaanewbridge.ie/page8.htm

 

 

 

 

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