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Sarsfields Newsletter.

November 8, 2018

THE SASH Wednesday  July 23nd 2008

 

The Weekly Online Newsletter of Sarsfields GAA Club.

MFC Sarsfields 3-17 Round Towers 2-3

 

 

Defending Minor Football Champions Sarsfields gave an exhibition of skilful, attacking football on Wednesday night last in Moorefield as they impressively demolished the challenge of Round Towers in  this second round championship tie.

Towers were simply unable to cope with the skill and pace of the young Sash team.  While Round Towers had two forwards of quality in Niall Scanlan and Richie Scahill who between them accounted for Towers total score of 2-3, Sarsfields in contrast had six forwards of quality who all got themselves on to the scoreboard. But the contrast doesn’t end there.  Sarsfields had skilful players all over the pitch and with nine of the team that won the championship last year will be fancied to go far again this year. One of the strengths of this Sarsfields team is that they have big mobile players in the key positions of fullback centre back, midfield, centre forward and full forward.

            Playing with the wind in the first half Sarsfields opened the scoring through Ray Cahill after just 1minute. They then missed three scoring chances in a row before Round Towers went briefly ahead for the only time in the game when Niall Scanlan converted a penalty after a foul on the Towers big full forward Sean McGovern.

             Thereafter though it was all one way traffic as Sarsfields suddennly found their shooting boots. Ray Cahill scored 2 points in two minutes to kick start the scoring spree. Further points from Derek Craddock (2) Alan Barrett (2) Gary Quinn (2) and a point apiece from Sean Cambell and Pauric Buckley gave Sarsfields a comfortable eight points ahead at the break 0-11 to 1-0

 

Within two minutes of the restart Round Towers had engineered a mini resurgence when Richie Scahill managed to get the ball between two Sarsfields defenders for a well worked goal. With the wind at their backs and the slight incline in their favour Towers would have felt that the game was not beyond salvaging. However Sarsfields response was swift and decisive. After Niall Scanlan replied to Darragh Horgan  point Sarsfields scored 1-2 – a point apiece fromDaragh Horgan and Derek Craddock and a goal from Alan barrett - without reply within five minutes to leave them nine points, 1-13 to 2-1 ahead and Towers with a mountain to climb with 19 minutes remaining.

Despite the possible psychological advantage of playing downhill it was Towers chances of redeeming themselves that were rapidly disappearing downhill at an accelerated rate as Sarsfields played great football with interchanging play between at times three four and five players. Many of Sarsfields attacks originated at full back with Donnacha McDonnell or at the half back line with Dan Doherty, Steven Lawler and Ciaran McInerney Aspell  leading to scores at the other end as the forwards were fed by midfielders Caoimhean McDonnell and Sean Cambell  with for the most part an uninterrupted supply line.

Whatever slight chance Towers had of recovery it disappeared in the 17th minute with the sounding of the  death knell of their hopes when Gary Quinn goaled to give Sarsfields an unassailable lead of 2-13 to 2-2. There was no let up in the unrelenting pressure applied to Towers rearguard and in the next few minutes Sean Cambell and Ray Cahill tacked on a point apiece before Ray Cahill capped a fine performance when he converted a penalty with four minutes of normal time remaining. Richie Scahill scored a final Towers point sandwiched between two fine Gary Quinn points the second of which in the 30th  minute brought the scoring and the game to a very successful conclusion from Sarsfields point of view.

Overall a commanding and skilful performance from Sarsfields, one that manager Tommy Gorman will have been happy with although he knows that his team will face stiffer tests ahead.    

 

Round Towers: Luke Byrne, Johnny Barber, A O’Conner, Sean O’Brien , Barry Coogan, Sean Kelly, Liam Cleary, Sean Grey, Mick Vaughan, Ciaran O’Neachtain, Niall Scanlan (1-1)Richie Scahill (1-2) Anthony Ryan, Sean McGovern, Danny Moloney. Subs: Thomas Fogarty for Mick Vaughan(52 mins)

 

Sarsfields: Craig Buckley, Darren Summers, Donnacha McDonnell, Niall Cross, Stephen Lawler, Dan Doherty, Ciaran McInerney  Aspell, Sean Cambell (0-2) Pauric Buckley (0-1 )Ray Cahill (1-4)  ) Alan Barrett (1-2) Darragh Horgan (0-1) Derek Craddock (0-3) Gary Quinn (1-4) Subs: Dean Dommican for Darren Summers (42 mins) Jamie Broughal for Pauric Buckley (56 mins) Mattie Byrne for Ciaran McInerney Aspell.(57 mins)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sarsfields Girls are a credit to themselves, the Club and County.

By Kathleen Ryan Sarsfields Youth Officer

 

Just to let everyone that our u14 girls really did us proud when representing the club the weekend before last in Cavan at the All-Ireland Feile. After being crowned Kildare champions the girls went off to Cavan/Monaghan to represent Sarsfields and Kildare in the All-Ireland. By all accounts the girls and their mentors did Kildare and Sarsfields proud both on and off the field. They are a credit to themselves, their parents, their club and their county.
The club will be holding a night in the near future to recognise the success of the girls reaching the All-Ireland semi-final and to thank them for representing both Sarsfields and Kildare in such an exemplary fashion.

The weekend started on the Thursday night in the club with a few encouraging words from Gary White and Anthony Rainbow. Alan Smith and Eoin O’ Sullivan were also there to show their support for the team.

On Friday morning the team attended Mass before heading off to Cavan. The girls were based in Magheracloone in Co. Monaghan and special thanks go to Magheracloone G.A.A. for looking after the team, the mentors and supporters for the weekend.
The Girls first match was against Magheracloone. A good start was required to settle the girls down and after 5 minutes the team was a goal and a point up. After that great start we never looked back - winning comfortably and allowing all the squad to get their first taste of Feile football.
On Friday evening the team headed to Cavan town for the official launch of Feile and the parade through Cavan Town. I can safely say that the Sarsfield girls were the most vocal and best turned out team on the day!!!
Saturday morning the girls had an early start playing Carrickmacross. It was their second match and although they were a bit slow to get into their stride they soon cleared out the cobwebs and came away comfortable winners, only conceding two points. Their next match was against Mayo champs Kilmoremoy. This was a must win game as the Mayo champs had also won their first two games.
This game was probably the girls best in the Sarsfields colours. The girls showed great hunger which the Kilmoremoy team found hard to handle and Sarsfields won easily, 1-10 to 1-01 giving them a semi final meetingwith the Dublin team Kilmacud Crokes in Mullernahorn.
The semi final was extremely tough in the first half and by the interval the Sarsfield girls found themselves trailing by four goals. It was just a bridge to far and although the girls showed great heart, tiredness, injury and the loss of key players caught up on them. Kilmacud had a well deserved win. The loss in the semi final was soon forgotten as later on that evening the girls participated in a disco and karaoke competition which was held by our host club Magheracloone.
Despite the loss in the semi finals this was an excellent weekend. A lot of work goes into organizing a weekend like this and we would like to thank Paul English for organizing the accommodation for the players and liaising with our host club Magheracloone, Marie Clancy for organizing the track suits and polo shirts for players and coaches, Ray O’Brien Motors for sponsoring the kit bags, Dave Donnelly for sponsoring the lovely gift that the club presented to our host club, the mentors for preparing the team so well and the senior and ladies committees for their support over the last few weeks.
But once again the most of all a big Thank You to the girls who represented the club so well both on and off the field. They were a credit to the club and we should all be very proud of them.

Photos of the weekend can be seen on the club web site on the new juvenile section on Wednesday.
Regards Ollie

 

 

 

 

Coaches Corner

Gettting the most out of your players

“I find my players don’t have a realistic view of their strengths and weaknesses. Some lack confidence, others believe they are better than they are and won’t work on aspects of their game. Any ideas?”

Gettting the most out of your players

 

Mick Toland, Eanach Fitness & Performance Enhancement Consultants (eanach@hotmail.com), replies:

“If a player doesn’t believe in himself, he won’t reach his potential. However, a player who has too much confidence can omit working on his weaknesses.

I use a process called Performance Profiling. I get every player on the team to write down what he feels are the key attributes he needs to play in his position.

Also I ask each player to consider physical, tactical, technical and psychological aspects of his game, in order to establish a comprehensive profile of each individual

So, for example, a full-back might say that the important attributes for his position are technical skills like high fielding, tackling, kicking, and hand-passing; physical attributes such as speed and strength; and psychological elements such as reading the game and remaining composed under pressure.

Then I get the player to mark himself out of ten in each for each of those attributes. He might never have been asked to do this before. It will force him to appraise himself as a player.

Then I get the coach to mark the same player out of ten for each of the attributes. You will generally find that the player will mark himself a little more generously than the coach. This doesn’t really matter, because if, say, the player says he is 6/10 for tackling, and the coach says he is just 5/10, the two of them can then agree that the target is 7/10 after a month.

Once the coach and the player agree on targets for each of these attributes, they can then set goals to help them achieve these targets; eg, to do ten minutes one-on-one tackling with a team mate before training for four weeks

Do the same for all the attributes. Agree a target (say, take two seconds off a 400m run), and agree on how the player will prepare to reach it. After a month, the coach and the player meet again and review. There should be progress, determined by the coach through analysing player performance in competitive situations, and through player-coach meetings.”

 

 

TV3 GAA Fixtures

26/7/2008 Round 2 Qualifiers AIFC
2/8/2008 Round 3 Qualifiers AIFC

 

On RTE: The Sunday Game Live Fixtures

July 26 All Ireland Qualifiers

July 27 All Ireland Senior Hurling Championship Quarter-Finals

Aug 2/3/4 All Ireland Qualifiers

Aug 9 All Ireland Senior Football Championship Quarter-Finals

Aug 10 All Ireland Senior Hurling Championship and Minor Hurling

Championship Semi-Finals

Aug 17 All Ireland Senior Hurling Championship and Minor Hurling

Championship Semi-Finals

Aug 24 All Ireland Senior Football Championship and Minor Football

Championship Semi-Finals

Aug 31 All Ireland Senior Football Championship and Minor Football

Championship Semi-Finals

Sept 7 All Ireland Senior Hurling Championship and Minor Hurling

Championship Finals

Sept 14 All Ireland Senior Camogie Final

Sept 21 All Ireland Senior Football Championship and Minor Football

Championship Finals

 

Sarsfields Fixtures for the coming week.

 No club Fixtures this week. Kildare V Limerick Sat gaelic Grounds at 7pm.

 

 


GAA and other Quotes.

Ever since I started off in Na Piarsaigh, and going to the North Monastery, i was told Croke Park, the steps of the Hogan stand, that's what you inspire to. I bought into that growing up on the norh side of Cork, and I waned to live that dream. And today it came true.'
- Sean Og O hAilpin after captaining Cork to the all-Ireland hurling title in September 2005.

“Jason Sherlock, fair play to him, he won an All Ireland in 1995 and here he is now 18 years on!' Setanta Sports Commentator after Jason Sherlock had scored his second goal in the O’Byrne Cup final against Longford in February.

 

More Stupid Quotes.

1-”We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a part of Europe.”

George W. Bush

2-”It’s time for the human race to enter the solar system.”

3-”The vast majority of our imports come from outside the country.”

Geroge W Bush

-” It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it. “

George W. Bush

5-”Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream.”

George W. Bush

6-”These people are trying to shake the will of the Iraqi citizens, and they want us to leave…I think the world would be better off if we did leave…”

George W. Bush

7-”I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family.”

George W. Bush

8-”If we don’t succeed, we run the risk of failure.”

George W. Bush

9-”Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.”

George W. Bush

10-Well, I think if you say you’re going to do something and don’t do it, that’s trustworthiness.

George W Bush

 “The Titanic is unsinkable”. An official of the White Star Line, speaking of the firm's newly built flagship was launched in 1912

Do you still throw spears at each other?
Duke of Edinburgh Prince Philip, to Australian Aborigines

Are you Indian or Pakistani? I can never tell the difference between you chaps.
Duke of Edinburgh Prince Philip, at Washington Embassy reception for Commonwealth members

I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada.
Britney Spears

I loved Jordan. He was one of the greatest athletes of our time.
Mariah Carey, on the death of the King of Jordan.

It doesn't matter what he does, he will never amount to anything.
Albert Einstein's teacher to his father, 1895.

'I do know that it's true that if you wanted to reduce crime, you could, if that were your sole purpose, you could abort every black baby in this country, and your crime rate would go down.' --Bill Bennett, former American Education Secretary and author of 'The Book of Virtues,'

'You simply get chills every time you see these poor individuals...many of these people, almost all of them that we see are so poor and they are so black, and this is going to raise lots of questions for people who are watching this story unfold.' –

CNN's Wolf Blitzer, on New Orleans' hurricane evacuees, Sept. 1, 2005

 

'As I was telling my husb—' —National Security Adviser Condoleezza Rice, overheard making a slip of the tongue at a Washington dinner party. Rice, who is unmarried, stopping herself abruptly, before saying, 'As I was telling President Bush.'

 

'You've done a nice job decorating the White House.' —Pop star Jessica Simpson, upon being introduced to Interior Secretary Gale Norton while touring the White House

 

'I had other priorities in the sixties than military service.' – Dick Cheney on his five draft deferments, April 5, 1989

 

'There are a lot of lessons we want to learn out of this process in terms of what works. I think we are in fact on our way to getting on top of the whole Katrina exercise.' --Sept. 10, 2005.  Dick Cheney speaking about the worst Government response to any disaster in American history


 

 

 

Humour

Nissan Dealer

Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching the telly when he hears a knock at the door. When he opens it, he is confronted by a little Japanese man, clutching a clipboard and yelling,
'You sign, you sign!'
Behind him is an enormous truck full of car exhausts.
Nelson is standing there in complete amazement when the Japanese man starts to yell louder.
'You sign! You sign!'
Nelson says to him, 'Look, you've obviously got the wrong man. Get lost!' and shuts the door in the Japanese man's face.
The next day he hears a knock at the door again. When he opens it, the little Japanese man is back, with a huge truck full of brake pads.
He thrusts his clipboard under Nelson's nose, yelling 'You sign! You sign!'
Mr Mandela is getting a bit hacked off by now, so he shoves the little Japanese man back, shouting:
'Look, get lost!!  I told you yesterday. You've got the wrong man! I don't want them!' then slams the door in the Japanese man's face again.
The following day Nelson is resting, and late in the afternoon, hears a knock on the door again. Upon opening the door, the little Japanese man thrusts the same clipboard under his nose, shouting
'You sign! You sign!'
Behind him are TWO large trucks full of wing mirrors.
Nelson loses his temper completely, picks the little man up by his shirt front and yells at him, 'Look, I don't want these! Do you understand? You must have the wrong man! What  don’t  you bring these to a car dealership?' The little Japanese man looks at him a bit puzzled, consults his clipboard, And says:
'You not Nissan Maindealer?'

Actual Signs Seen In England

 

 

 

Sign in a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT.

Sign in a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS.

In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN.

Outside a farm:
HORSE MANURE 50p PER PRE-PACKED BAG 20p DO-IT-YOURSELF.

In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD.

On a church door:
THIS IS THE GATE OF HEAVEN. ENTER YE ALL BY THIS DOOR. (THIS DOOR IS KEPT LOCKED BECAUSE OF THE DRAFT. PLEASE USE SIDE DOOR.)

Outside a second-hand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Sign outside a new town hall which was to be opened by the Prince of Wales:
THE TOWN HALL IS CLOSED UNTIL OPENING. IT WILL REMAIN CLOSED AFTER BEING OPENED. OPEN TOMORROW.

Outside a photographer's studio:
OUT TO LUNCH: IF NOT BACK BY FIVE, OUT FOR DINNER ALSO.

Seen at the side of a Sussex road:
SLOW CATTLE CROSSING. NO OVERTAKING FOR THE NEXT 100 YRS.

Outside a disco:
SMARTS IS THE MOST EXCLUSIVE DISCO IN TOWN. EVERYONE WELCOME.

Sign warning of quicksand:
QUICKSAND. ANY PERSON PASSING THIS POINT WILL BE DROWNED. BY ORDER OF THE DISTRICT COUNCIL.

Notice sent to residents of a Whiltshire parish:

DUE TO INCREASING PROBLEMS WITH LITTER LOUTS AND VANDALS WE MUST ASK ANYONE WITH RELATIVES BURIED IN THE GRAVEYARD TO DO THEIR BEST TO KEEP THEM IN ORDER.

Notice in a dry cleaner's window:
ANYONE LEAVING THEIR GARMENTS HERE FOR MORE THAN 30 DAYS WILL BE DISPOSED OF.

Sign on motorway garage:
PLEASE DO NOT SMOKE NEAR OUR PETROL PUMPS. YOUR LIFE MAY NOT BE WORTH MUCH BUT OUR PETROL IS.

Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS.

Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR.

Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE FIRST FLOOR.

Notice in a field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.

Message on a leaflet
:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS.

Sign on a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)

Sign at Norfolk farm gate:
BEWARE! I SHOOT EVERY TENTH TRESPASSER AND THE NINTH ONE HAS JUST LEFT.

Spotted on toilet door in a London office block:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW.

 

 

New Boss

 

 

 

A large American company, feeling it was time for a shake-up, hired a new Chief Executive Officer.
The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers.
On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a fellow leaning on a wall.
The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business.
He walked up to the guy leaning against the wall and asked, 'How much money do you make a week? A little surprised, the young man looked at him and replied, I make $400 a week. Why?
The CEO then handed the guy $1,600 in cash and screamed, 'Here's four weeks' pay, now GET OUT and don't come back.
'Feeling pretty good about himself the CEO looked around the room and asked, 'Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did around here?
'From across the room came a voice,
'Pizza delivery guy from Domino's.'

 

Only in the US legal system... allegedly true

 

 

 

A Charlotte, North Carolina man, having purchased a case of rare, very expensive cigars, insured them against... fire.
Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of fabulous cigars, and having yet to make a single premium payment on the policy, the man filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the man stated that he had lost the cigars in 'a series of small fires'. The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars in a normal fashion.
The man sued... and won.
In delivering his ruling, the judge stated that since the man held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable, and also guaranteed that it would insure the cigars against fire, without defining what it considered to be 'unacceptable fire', it was obligated to compensate the insured for his loss. Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the judge's ruling and paid the man $15,000 for the rare cigars he lost in 'the fires'.
After the man cashed his check, however, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of arson. With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used as evidence against him, the man was convicted of intentionally burning the rare cigars and sentenced to 24 consecutive one-year terms. He is now appealing the sentence.

 

Sometimes It Does Take A Rocket Scientist

 

 

 

True story from the NY Times (April 29, 1999)

Scientists at NASA built a gun specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all travelling at maximum velocity. The idea was to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.

British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of  high-speed trains. Arrangements were made and a gun was sent to the British engineers.

When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurtled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the engineer's backrest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin, like an arrow shot from a bow.

The horrified Britons sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield and begged the U.S. scientists for suggestions.

NASA responded with a one-line memo: 'Thaw the chicken.'

 

Worker dead at desk for 5 days

 

 

 

Bosses of a publishing firm are trying to work out why no one noticed that one of their employees had been sitting dead at his desk for FIVE DAYS before anyone asked if he was feeling okay.

George Turklebaum, 51, who had been employed as a proofreader at a New York firm for 30 years, had a heart attack in the open-plan office he shared with 23 other workers. He quietly passed away on Monday, but nobody noticed until Saturday morning when an office cleaner asked why he was still working during the weekend.

His boss Elliot Wachiaski said: 'George was always the first guy in each morning and the last to leave at night, so no one found it unusual that he was in the same position all that time and didn't say anything. He was always absorbed in his work and kept much to himself.'

A post mortem examination revealed that he had been dead for five days after suffering a coronary. Ironically, George was proofreading manuscripts of medical textbooks when he died.

You may want to give your co-workers a nudge occasionally. And the moral of the story: Don't work too hard. Nobody notices anyway.

 

Stupidity has no limits...

 

 

 

When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find an ill man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

A woman was reporting her car as stolen, and mentioned that there was a car phone in it. The policeman taking the report called the phone and told the guy that answered that he had read the ad in the newspaper and wanted to buy the car. They arranged to meet, and the thief was arrested.

45 year-old Amy Brasher was arrested in San Antonio, Texas, after a mechanic reported to police that 18 packages of marijuana were packed in the engine compartment of the car which she had brought to the mechanic for an oil change. According to police, Brasher later said that she didn't realize that the mechanic would have to raise the hood to change the oil.

David Posman, 33, was arrested recently in Providence, R.I, after allegedly knocking out an armoured car driver and stealing the closest four bags of money. It turned out they contained $800 in PENNIES, weighed 30 pounds each, and slowed him to a stagger during his getaway so that police officers easily jumped him from behind.

Oklahoma City - Dennis Newton was on trial for the armed robbery of a convenience store in a district court this week when he fired his lawyer. Assistant district attorney Larry Jones said Newton, 47, was doing a fair job of defending himself until the store manager testified that Newton was the robber. Newton jumped up, accused the woman of lying and then said, 'I should have blown your [expletive] head off.' The defendant paused, then quickly added, '-- if I'd been the one that was there.' The jury took 20 minutes to convict Newton and recommend a 30-year sentence.

R.C. Gaitlin, 21, walked up to two patrol officers who were showing their squad car computer equipment to children in a Detroit neighbourhood. When he asked how the system worked, the officers asked him for a piece of identification. Gaitlin gave them his driver's license, they entered it into the computer, and moments later they arrested Gaitlin because information on the screen showed that Gaitlin was wanted for a two-year-old armed robbery in St. Louis, Missouri.

MIRACLES

An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, 'Sir, have you been drinking?'

'Just water,' says the priest. The trooper says, 'Then why do I smell wine?'

The priest looks at the bottle and says, 'Good Lord! He's done it again!'

Overheard in Dublin

On hearing that the Taoiseach had resigned at lunchtime today one of the kids in 6th class nearly collapsed with shock, and wanted to know -

'Ah, Miss! Who's goin' to confirm us now?'

Overheard by Anonymous, Primary School, South-west Dublin
Posted on Wednesday, 02nd April 2008

A leg to stand on


Doctor: 'Well Tony, what’s the problem?'

Tony: 'It this bloody leg of mine, I can't walk very far without my leg becoming numb and dead.'

Doctor: 'Well Tony, it's a combination of smoking and old age, these things happen as we grow older.'

Tony: 'Old age?'

Doctor: 'Yes Tony, do you understand?'

Tony: 'Not really, the left leg is the same age and I have no problem with that one.'

Overheard in a Doctor’s surgery

Marital Bliss

Two women late 20s sitting on the 16a into the City Centre. One complaining to the other about how much weight she's gained since she got married. 'When I was single I'd come home, see if there was anything in the fridge, then go to bed. Now I come home, see what’s in the bed and go to the fridge'

Terminate her

 An Austrian, tall and quite a big build was in the Oliver St. John Gogarty’s celebrating New Year's Eve with his Irish girlfriend and some friends. It was packed as usual with the normal mixture of Irish and tourists. Went to the bar to order some drinks. An English girl standing beside him who obviously overheard his accent turned to him and the conversation went something like this:
Girl: 'Oh you must be American'
Man: 'No, actually, I’m Austrian'
Girl: 'Wow, really? I could’ve sworn you were American, you sound exactly like Arnold Schwarzenegger
.'

 

Contributors Required

If anyone would like to contribute to this Newsletter please send info to the editor tonyr06@eircom.net. Articles, news, anecdotes etc would be very welcome. If you know anyone who would like to be added to the e-mail mailing list for the Newsletter then please ask them to forward their e-mail addresses to the above or alternatively you can now subscribe to the Newsletter on the Sarsfields Website.

Please note as part of Sarsfields online privacy policy your E-mail address will not be given to any third parties. Sarsfields online privacy policy can be read in full on the Sarsfields website at www.sarsfieldsgaanewbridge.ie/page8.htm

 

 

 

 

           

 

    

 

 

 

           

 

 

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