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Sarsfields Weekly Newsletter

November 8, 2018

THE SASH Tuesday August 26th 2008

 

The Weekly Online Newsletter of Sarsfields GAA Club.

 

MFC: Sarsfields 1-14 Leixlip 1-8

Defending minor football champions Sarsfields have qualified for the quarterfinals after turning a four point defecit early in the second half into a six point winning margin against  Leixlip  last night in Clane.

Sarsfields however trailed for most of the first half as they found it difficult to deal with a lively Leixlip side who had the boost of an early goal by Trevor McDonnell that helped give them a 1-5 to 0-5 half time lead.

            On the resumption Leixlip stretched their lead to four points. However when Sarsfields impressive full forward Declan Craddack scored a goal 9 minutes into the second half to bring the game level the champions never looked back and thereafter they gradually but inexorably took control of the game.

 Their lethargy of the first half was but a distant memory as they quality of their play and work rate improved considerably. There were passages of excellent play from Sarsfields, with good passing movements and support play enabling them to score 1-7 without reply. Such was Sarsfields second half dominance that Leixlip had to wait 23minutes for their second score of the half. Sarsfields outscored Leixlip by 1-9 0-3 in the second half and another impressive feature of their performance was that again all six forwards scored as in the previous tie against Round Towers.At the back Donnacha McDonnell gave a fine display at full back as did Dan Doherty at centre back. All six backs contributed to the effort of curtailing the potency of the Leixlip threat  For Leixlip Tommy McDonnell, Paul O’Neill And Trevor McDonnell were impressive. The draw for the quarter finals was made in Maudlins Hotel Naas last night with Sarsfields  drawn against Clane. No date has yet been announced for the fixture. The draw is as follows:

Sarsfields V Clane

Moorefield V Na Fianna

St. Laurence’s V Balyna

Athy V Maynooth

 

 

 

Leixlip: Kevin Claffey, Niall Cullen,  Mark Gibbons, Barry Egan, Alan Keary, Tommy McLoughlin, (0-4) James McMahon, Emmet Lambert, Paul O’Neill,(0-2) Brian Connally,Trevor McDonnell (1-1) Neil Malarkey, Brian O’Neill, William Fox (0-1)

 

Sarsfields: Johnny Flood, Steven Dunne, Donnacha McDomell, Darren Summers, Steven Melia, Dan Doherty, Ciaran McInerney Aspel (0-1) Caoiomhain McDonnell, Sean Cambell, (0-3) Padraig Buckley, (0-2) Gary Quinn, (0-2) Alan Barratt(0-2) Darragh Horgan (0-2) Declan Craddack (1-2) Mattie Byrne Subs Niall Cross for Darren Summers (28)Mins Darren Summers for Niall Cross (ht)Niall Cross for Mattie Byrne (52) Dan Nea for Sean Cambell (injured 50)

 

 

 

Leinster GAA News
 
Cork & Kerry replay confirmed for Sunday

 
Cork and Kerry will replay their All-Ireland SFC semi-final next Sunday
as part of a triple header at Croke Park.

The Munster rivals played out an entertaining 3-07 to 1-13 draw on
Sunday afternoon and will now meet for the third time this season with a
2pm throw-in at headquarters.

The other football semi-final between surprise package Wexford and
Ulster giants Tyrone is scheduled to follow after the conclusion of the
replay at 4pm.

The minor semi-final between Tyrone and Meath will bring the curtain up
on the day's play at 12pm.

The GAA also confirmed that the replay of the All-Ireland Minor
Championship semi-final between Mayo and Kerry is scheduled for Cusack
Park in Ennis on Saturday 30 August at 3.30pm.

The full Croke Park line up for Sunday is:

ESB GAA Football All-Ireland Minor semi-final: Tyrone v Meath, 12.15pm.

GAA Football All-Ireland Senior Championship semi-final replay: Cork v
Kerry, 2.00pm.

GAA Football All-Ireland Senior Championship semi-final: Wexford v
Tyrone, 4.00pm.

Visit the Leinster GAA web site at http://www.gaa.ie/leinster

 


 Farrell eyes TV money for GPA

 
By Jim O'Sullivan

THE Gaelic Players Association is looking for a share of the extra
income generated by the GAA through their enhanced television and
championship sponsorship deals, according to chief executive Dessie
Farrell.

Stressing that they 'completely uphold' the amateur ethos, he says that
'funds should be directed' to the GPA to enable them to provide better
services for their members.

'The big issue is that we can provide for players within that amateur
context. You look at the challenges facing the Eircom league and ask,
could a professional tier be sustainable within our own games? I for one
don't believe it is.

'At 17-18 years of age if you asked me I'd probably give you a different
answer.

'The vast majority of players don't see that it is sustainable either.
Once that is taken off the table between the GAA and the GPA, which it
has been done, it makes it easier to do business on all the other
important issues for players,'' he said Sunday on Today FM's 'GAA
Show.'

'We've been at great pains over the years to say we weren't about
professionalism. We weren't about professionalising the games.
Everything else is done in a professional manner in the games but that
doesn't necessarily mean that a player has to get a pay packet at the
end of the day.

'The vast, vast majority of players don't want that. They are happy with
the way the play the games, the time they dedicate and the sort of
recompense (they gain) for that. That's not in monetary terms.'' At a
more general level, Farrell argued that it didn't make economic sense
for both associations to be operating in 'opposite directions' in
relation to capitalising on commercial opportunities.

'That's not good for the GAA and not necessarily good for ourselves
either,'' he commented.


 

London Camogie Club set first GAA Guinness World Record


A London Camogie Club has set the first Gaelic Games Guinness World
Record over the weekend.  Croydon Camogie Club played a game of Camogie
non stop for just over 24 hours to set the new world record.  

The two teams of 12 players a side and three substitutes began their
attempt at 10:00am on Saturday morning at the Emerald GAA Club in
Ruislip in London.  They finished just after 10:00am on Sunday morning
after playing non stop through the night.

The club, who celebrated their 22nd birthday this year, came up with the
idea as a fundraiser and to help create awareness of Camogie overseas.
They will be making a donation to the Marie Keating Foundation and
Cancer Awareness UK from the money raised during the attempt.

Eimear Hoare, Croydon Club Secretary, is delighted that they achieved
the record.  'It was a fantastic achievement by the girls and we're over
the moon that we have set the first ever Gaelic Games Guinness World
record, the girls deserved it.'  

'They will be in pieces for weeks after that.  It was all going well
until the rain started at 4:30 on Sunday morning and that ruined the
conditions and started to affect everyone.  Now that we have done this
we will have to come up with something even bigger and better for next
year!' Hoare added.

 

 

 

On RTE: The Sunday Game Live Fixtures

 

 

Aug 31 All Ireland Senior Football Championship and Minor Football

Championship Semi-Finals

Sept 7 All Ireland Senior Hurling Championship and Minor Hurling

Championship Finals

Sept 14 All Ireland Senior Camogie Final

Sept 21 All Ireland Senior Football Championship and Minor Football

Championship Finals

 

Sarsfields Fixtures for the coming week.

The senior championship Round 3 draw will be made tonight and published in the local papers tomorrow. The games are scheduled for the weekend of 6/7th September.

With 3 points from two games Sarsfields will need at least a draw to qualify for the Quarterfinals.  See Table below.

 

Thursday 28th August JHC: Sarsfields V St Brigids in Moorefield at 7pm.

Friday August 29th U16 Championship in Sarsfields Park at 7pm.  Sarsfields A V Clane. Sarsfields B V Rathangan. Sunday August 31st LSFC Sarsfields V Ballyna in Johnstownbridge at 7pm. Monday September 1st JBC Sarsfields V Naas in Raheens at 7pm. Tuesday September 2nd  SBC Sarsfields v Clane in Raheens at 7pm.

 Tuesday 2nd September JCC Sarsfields v  Allenwood in Moorefield at 7pm. In division 2B and 3B of the U13 league on Sunday next August 31st Sarsfields  v Raheens and Nurney respectively in Sarsfields Park at 11am.

            Best wishes to the ladies on their championship debut and all teams in action this week.

 

Kildare Nationalist

 

 

 

 

 

Senior Football Championship 2008

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Score

 

Played

Won

Drew

Lost

Points

For

Against

Diff

Moorefield

2

2

0

0

4

44

12

32

Celbridge

2

2

0

0

4

31

15

16

St Laurence’s

2

2

0

0

4

25

17

8

Sarsfields

2

1

1

0

3

20

15

5

Carbury

2

1

1

0

3

28

27

1

Leixlip

2

1

1

0

3

17

16

1

Athy

2

1

0

1

2

23

23

0

Naas

2

1

0

1

2

21

21

0

Round Towers

2

0

2

0

2

23

23

0

Ellistown

2

1

0

1

2

20

26

-6

Confey

2

1

0

1

2

19

27

-8

Allenwood

2

0

1

1

1

21

20

1

Suncroft

2

0

0

2

0

16

22

-6

Clane

2

0

0

2

0

21

28

-7

Maynooth

2

0

0

2

0

15

26

-11

Kilcock

2

0

0

2

0

13

37

-24

 

 

More Stupid Quotes

'A brain scan revealed Andrew Caddick is not suffering from a stress fracture of the shin.'
- Jo Sheldon

'I have a God-given talent. I got it from my dad.'
- Julian Wakefield, Missouri basketball player

'Solitude is a silent storm that breaks down all our dead  branches; yet it sends our living roots deeper into the living heart of the living earth.'
- Kahlil Gibran

'Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas.'
- Former Australian cabinet minister Keppel Enderbery

'When I'm a blonde, I can say the world is purple, and they'll believe me because they weren't listening to me.'
- Kylie Bax, Model/Actress , in Stuff magazine.

'If you're living in an area with a bad school, move to a place where there's a better school.'
- Lamar Alexander, former Secretary of Education, explaining   his ideas on what parents of children who attend poorly funded urban or rural schools should do to solve the problem

'We talked five times.  I called him twice, and he called me twice.'
- Larry Bowa, California Angels coach

'He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is.'
- Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota.

'I don't think that Saddam Hussein is deliberately starving his own people. I would think that a man who gets 99 percent of the people to vote for him in an election and the people love him so much, how would they love a man that is starving them?'
- Louis Farrakhan, Leader of The Nation of Islam

'Listen, everyone is entitled to my opinion.'
- Madonna

'Man shots neighbor with machete.'
- Miami Herald, headline

'The largest crowd ever in the state of Las Vegas.'
- Mark Jones, TV Broadcaster

 'Pitching is 80% of the game.  The other half is hitting and fielding.'
- Mickey Rivers, baseball player

'A 'No Parking' sign at a certain location means...'
- multiple choice question on NY State learner's permit test

'Except for his car, he's the only man on the track.'
- Murray Walker, Sports commentator

'The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical.'
- Murray Walker, Sports commentator

'Just under 10 seconds for Nigel Mansel. Call it 9.5 seconds in round numbers.'
- Murray Walker, Sports commentator

'We now have exactly the same situation as we had at the start of the race, only exactly the
opposite'
- Murray Walker, Sports commentator

'I think you can't repeat the first time of something...'
- Natalie Imbrulia, Singer, on her Grammy nomination

'Danny, as you know, was hospitalised last week after complaining about chest and sideburns.'
- Ned Martin, Sports commentator

'That's just the tip of the ice cube.'
- Neil Hamilton, BBC2

 

Soccer Penalty Shoot-Outs A Health Hazard

The extent of health issues associated with the game were restricted to scraped knees, bruises, and a black eye or two in the stands. Little did anyone suspect that soccer penalty shoot-outs would soon be considered a major cause of heart attacks.

A study reported in the British Medical Journal, focused on hospital admissions before, during and after the 1998 World Cup match between England and Argentina. Cases included were myo-cardio infarctions, car accidents and attempted suicides. For comparison purposes, the 1998 results were then measured against admissions before, during and after the 1997 and 1999 events.

The game of the 1998 Word Cup pitting Argentina against England, was highlighted by a penalty shoot-out. That day, and for two days afterwards, the study noted a 25% jump in the rate of heart attack victims admitted to hospital. There was no change in statistics for the other admissions.

 Researchers conducting the study concluded that people simply could not stand the stress and tension of the penalty shoot-out.

 

 

 

 

Humour

Strange News

From the Echoes-Sentinel, Somerset County, New Jersey

GILLETTE RESIDENT IS ARRESTED AFTER SHOOTING HIS COMPUTER

 A Gillette man was arrested at his home last Thursday night after he fired eight bullets at his home computer, according to police.

The man, Michael A. Case, 35, of 64 Summit Ave., was arrested shortly after 11 p.m., at his house, when police said they received a report that shots were fired. They arrived at the home to find a .44 Magnum automatic handgun and a shot-up IBM personal computer with a Princeton Graphics System monitor.

The monitor screen was blown out by the blasts and its inner workings were visible, Lt. Donald Van Tassel said on Monday. The computer, which had bullet holes in its hardware, was hit four times while four more bullet holes were found in various areas next to the computer, Van Tassel said.

'The only thing he (Case) said was that he was mad at his computer so he shot it,' Van Tassel said.

The handgun, which the lieutenant identified as an Israeli Arms Desert Eagle .44, has 'a lot of firepower,' he said. 'It's a big gun.' Case used hollow-point, or dum-dum, bullets, he added.

Case was surprised when police arrested him because he didn't think he was breaking the law, Van Tassel said. 'He couldn't understand why he couldn't shoot his own computer in his own home,' Van Tassel said.

Case was charged with recklessly creating a risk and using a firearm against the property of another, because the house is reportedly owned by a relative. The walls were also damaged by the shots, according to police.

He was also charged with unlawful posession of a firearm without a permit, and with possession of illegal bullets, police said.

In addition, Case was issued to summonses, for discharging a weapon in a restricted area and for discharging a single-projectile weapon, police said.

Case spent early Friday morning in the Morris County Jail and was released later in the day on $2,500 bail, according to police.

A Municipal Court appearance is scheduled for today, Sept. 17.

English language



Have you ever wondered why foreigners have trouble with the English Language?

 There is no egg in the eggplant
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England
French fries were not invented in France.

We sometimes take English for granted
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly
Boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

If writers write, how come fingers don't fing.
If the plural of tooth is teeth
Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth
If the teacher taught,
Why didn't the preacher praught.

If a vegetarian eats vegetables
What the heck does a humanitarian eat!?
Why do people recite at a play
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
Of a language where a house can burn up as
It burns down
And in which you fill in a form
By filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it goes!

English was invented by people, not computers
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn't a race at all)

That is why
When the stars are out they are visible
But when the lights are out they are invisible

 

Hot Air?

A man in a hot air balloon realised he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman tending to the flowers in her garden. He descended a bit more and shouted, 'Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend that I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am.'

The woman below replied, 'You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude.'

'You must be an Accountant,' said the balloonist.

'I am,' replied the woman, 'How did you know?' 

'Well,' answered the balloonist, 'everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is, I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you have delayed my journey.'

The woman below responded, 'You must be in Management.'

'I am,' replied the balloonist, 'but how did you know?'

'Well,' said the woman, 'you don't know where you are, or where you're going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise of which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but somehow it's now become my fault!' 

Thief and the Parrot Story

Late one night, a burglar broke into a house that he thought was empty. He stealthily crept through the lounge and was stopped dead in his tracks when he heard a loud voice clearly saying, 'Jesus is watching you!'

Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again.
'Jesus is watching you', the voice rang out again.

The thief stopped dead again. He was frightened out of his wits. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a birdcage and in the cage was a parrot.

He asked the parrot, 'Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?'
'Yes', said the parrot.

The burglar breathed a heavy sigh of relief and asked the parrot: 'What's your name?'
'Ronald', said the bird.

'That's a stupid name for a parrot, 'sneered the burglar.' What idiot named you Ronald?'
The parrot said, 'The same idiot who named the Rottweiller Jesus.'

An Italian Mama

An elderly Italian man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favourite Italian anisette sprinkle biscuits wafting up the stairs.

Gathering his remaining strength, he lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands he crawled downstairs. With laboured breath, he leaned against the doorframe, gazing into the kitchen. Where if not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favourite anisette sprinkled buiscits.

Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted Italian wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in a crumpled posture. His parched lips parted, the wondrous taste of the biscuit was already in his mouth, seemingly bringing him back to life.

The aged and withered hand trembled on its way to a biscuit at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife..... 'Back off!' she said, 'they're for the funeral.'

Jobsworth Defined

The term 'Jobsworth' is an English English term most often applied to public service low-level officials who have little authority, and so the 'Jobsworth' response gives them the only power they are likely to get. The true 'Jobsworth' is one who knows the rules backwards, knows that there is flexibility and chooses not to use it.

 

 Jobsworth at the Supermarket

Morrisons supermarket in Acomb, Yorkshire, England, took its rules about selling alcohol rather too seriously when they asked Jack Archer, aged 87, to prove that he was over 21.

When he attempted to buy a bottle of sherry reports BBC news. Former Lord Mayor of York, Mr Archer, said that he was shocked but flattered to be asked. He stated, 'I don't look my age but I certainly don't look young enough to be in trouble for underage drinking.'

Mr Archer said he often had a small glass of sherry at bedtime to help him sleep. He said: 'I was taken aback really. Afterwards I thought I should have showed them my bus pass and that would have proved how old I was. 

Jobsworth 2

A woman has been accused of littering, after sweeping leaves into a pile. Street sweepers refused to remove the leaves at the end of Sandra Pote's drive because some were in her garden. Sandra, 61, thought she was doing the cleaning truck crew a favour as they drove down the road in Torquay, Devon, but she was accused of fly-tipping by the council, reports BBC news.

Torbay council insisted the couple should have taken the leaves to a tip. A spokesman said, 'Householders have a responsibility to deal with leaves on their property'

Funny Newspaper Headlines

· Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case

· Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted

· Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents

· Eye Drops off Shelf

· Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead

· Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66

· Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Axe

· Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies

· Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter

· Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

· Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge

· Deer Kill 17,000

· Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge

· New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

· Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

· Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy

· Fire British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply

· Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood

· Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees

· Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

· Vaccine May Contain Rabies

· College Opens Doors to Hearing

· Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni

· Include your Children When Baking Cookies

· Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

Strangulated English

Notices In The Lobby of a Tokyo Hotel:

1) English well speaking.

2) We take your bags and send them in all direction.

3) In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter.

4a) In the lift:
      Do not enter the elevator backwards, and only when lit up.

4b) To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor.

5) Customers are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 am daily.

Funny Notices In the Bedroom:

1) Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not person to do such thing please not to read notice.

2) Please to bathe inside the tub.

3) Please leave your values at the front desk.

4) You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

5) Because of the impropriety of entertaining

guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.

Contributors Required

If anyone would like to contribute to this Newsletter please send info to tonyr06@eircom.net. Articles, news, anecdotes etc would be very welcome. If you know anyone who would like to be added to the e-mail mailing list for the Newsletter then please ask them to forward their e-mail addresses to the above.

Please note as part of Sarsfields online privacy policy your E-mail address will not be given to any third parties. Sarsfields online privacy policy can be read in full on the Sarsfields website at www.sarsfieldsgaanewbridge.ie/page8.htm

 

 

 

 

           

 

   

 

 

 

           

 

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